I'm new here and I need help.

[Slamgria]

I've had brain cancer twice. My last brain surgery was 5 years ago and last chemo 3. Since then, I have lost my over 7 year relation due to the cancer, my independence, identity, financial stability. All my grandparents passed during the beginning of the pandemic and my dad died 1 month ago. I'm struggling. I feel like I can never catch my breath. How resilient is one person supposed to be?

[Agamemnon2022]

I'm sorry to hear you have had to journey through such a hardness. The loss of loved ones not only robs you of your loved ones but the support network which they provided. I remember when my parents died, I felt that I was alone and unloved in the world for the first time. I wasn't. I found that as a single person I had to become WAY more aggressive in maintaining friendships and in organizing events with people. As far as relationships go, this can be extremely frustrating.

[Slamgria in reply to Agamemnon2022]

I try to do more, but my last cancer left me too blind to drive. I'm still trying to accept my new disability. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

[Hidden]

You have been through so much. It's amazing how resilient you are. Just had to comment. Take care and let me know if I can help. All the best.

[EndUser13]

Wow, it sounds like you've had to go through some significant losses and face difficult situations in a relatively short period of time.

People can often amaze themselves at how much they are able to endure when they look back on what they've been through. Sometimes it can be inspiring to consider, sometimes it can be tiring to think about. I think it's best to break things up into manageable bits. Getting overwhelmed and stressing out about things rather than making a little effort here and there can lead to drastically different outcomes.

Giving various situations enough time to solve obstacles effectively without stressing out and overwhelming yourself over what you need to get done is a hell of a balancing act.

I'm glad you found these forums, welcome by the way! Use them to vent, you'll find that there are a lot of nice people who might have good ideas or at least are willing to listen.

I hope to see more from you in the near future and would like to encourage you to participate in any "how are you" / "gratitude" posts, I feel like they are important road stops along our journeys that can be incredibly helpful and often overlooked.

Sorry, I'm always long-winded 🤐

[Daveacr1959]

I don’t know why bad things happen like this. I am 63, and 2-1/2 years ago, I was getting ready to climb in a cold lake, and swim 2 miles race. And during the daily training, which I did for 45 years, my sternum cracked and hurt. It turned out to be osteosarcoma of the sternum. I had to have many rounds of chemo. And surgery to remove 2/3 of my sternum. I am in remission 2-1/2 years but I am struggling to move forward. Before this I used to get up every morning at 5-530 and run my 3 small businesses I started 12-35 years ago. This was too much for me, so I sold the businesses. I am pretty sure I got p t s d from the whole thing. Things that help me.. I start every morning with the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. I do the 3 round to warm up for the 5 rounds. I get 45 minutes of cardio exercise daily. I jog in place and around my living room. I am not ready for the gym yet. And here is something that really helps. I take cold showers or baths. Actually I have a plunge that is 35-40 degrees. I started out at 70 degrees and lowered it 2-3-4 degrees per week or 2 weeks. The warmer it is like 60-70 degrees you stay in 10-15 minutes. Colder you just need 5 minutes but I stay in 10.

My wife of 43 years, 45 years together. Is not happy with me. She says snap out of it you are in remission. But the cement sternum is not easy. I went back to swimming laps a year ago too. My wife has seen I have the ambition of 2-3 normal men. In what I had to do the last 45 years. But people are selfish. They don’t want to miss out on life. I know how brave you are. I know how brave you are. I don’t know what else to say. Maybe write a book about your experience. And get people to donate money for research.

I was not raised in a religious house. But I had faith. My faith was rocked by my experience. Sometimes I cry and tell myself god doesn’t even know me. I used to believe because life was going good. And it made sense. And it made me feel better. But now I picture the caveman first learning how to build a fire. And because of that single act human life was transformed. And those people are our ancestors. And they were here tens of thousands of years before the holy books were written. Are they gods children too? Because I have asked for help. I am wondering where god is. I have asked to try to find my old self. The cold water and excercise helps me.

Some people can move on from this.. running for happiness like a kid on the last day of school. And some of us struggle more. We are left with the reminders. Our body is not the same. One thing I know. I am trying, I am trying for more. What happens if I make it 10-20 years more? I don’t want to lay down and waste it? So I think of how hard our ancient ancestors had it. Before plumbing and electricity and modern medicine and so much more. If our ancestors could not give up, I won’t give up. And I still pray to a god who won’t answer , or let us see him. I call him a him ,because a million people have died in surgery ,and met a male presence in paradise and come back to tell us. You can email me in private if you want? Or we can talk here. Please just keep breathing and living one day at a time.

[Genuineguy]

Im so sorry for what you are going through. Youre right, this is all so much to deal with. You are incredibly resilient to keep going and keep seeking support (as shown in this support). I dont know if you realise how encouraging it is that you have reached out for help and support here and want to keep trying. You make me realise Im not alone with my struggles (which I struggle to explain). You say you 'need help' which is good you acknowledge this. Do you know what sort of help you would like specifically? If you dont know that is ok. I think just wanting someone to be there and listen to you is important. I hope you are finding that when you post here. If not, then thats ok too. I have followed you.