healing is hard

[Adamj]

I’ve had enough of feeling like this heck I’ve even prayed and I’m not that religious. I just get so frustrated having to deal with this everyday like I know when I wake up it’s just back to feeling bad again the anxiety and sensations are sooo strong in the morning and when I eat. I’ve been trying to ride our exercise bike twice a day for atleast 12 minutes been going on daily drives. Been trying to eat more but like I said eating just makes me not want to eat when I get so anxious and panicky afterwards. I’ve tried the Xanax twice it slightly reduces my feelings but It exasperates my brain fog. I’m just tired of feeling like this especially with all the random pains I get on my left side. I need to figure out how to get my body to calm tf down with freaking out with the sensations. The only good thing about today was somehow I had like 20 minutes of just feeling peace before dinner and was actually home alone when I felt it but then bam I ate dinner. Sometimes my body feels so overwhelmed that I think it tells me I’m in pain when I’m actually not it’s weird. Like I’ll feel a weird sharp pain and my body instantly makes me jump up it’s like wtf

[Adamj]

I’m feeling okay not panicky so I’d say okay. Thank you.

[Balloffur2468]

I can totally relate. I’m also tired of this feeling. I read something today that said: I am fighting. I’m not living. That really resonated with me. It seems like a constant battle but you are not alone. What you feel is real to you. Others experience the same thing. With times you will learn how to manage it.

[Adamj in reply to Balloffur2468]

That resonates with me too. Then I hear some of these people like on the dare mediation app thingy saying stop letting anxiety rule your life and start living like if it was that simple I would be

[Zhangliqun]

What's causing all this?

[Adamj in reply to Zhangliqun]

What do you mean?

[Zhangliqun in reply to Adamj]

Anxiety, etc.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

After I got sick in March, I just started to drop weight. I'm like at 120lbs right now and I hate being this tiny. But like you it's hard to eat cause I get slightly anxious and sometimes I don't feel hungry anymore. So I'm not getting enough calories to keep weight on. I told my doctor about it of course she's not concerned because for my height of 5'6 and 126 (according to their scale, mine says I'm 120) I'm still a healthy weight. She just recommended protein shakes.

Then just my luck they recall 53 protein shakes 😂

I'm still trying to figure out my diet cause I don't want to be overweight like I once was 3 yrs ago at 183. I want to be 135-140. That works for me.

Maybe it's my thyroid medication. I did get it lowered and I do feel much better. I'm getting out there. Or trying to. Maybe I don't need to be on it anymore. I don't know. I don't know if it's psychosomatic.

But I still keep trying. I know you get tired. Seems like you are always restarting, resetting, reconfiguring etc.

But just keep hope alive and keep trying and keep moving forward. I wish you the best of luck ❣️

[Adamj in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Yep sure does feel like I keep restarting ugh. I’m trying to not give up hope

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Adamj]

Eventually it'll start to come together at some point. Today I went out again and for the first time I didn't get nervous. It takes time. I know it's a struggle with that too. To give it time time. Cause we feel like life is passing us by so fast we're getting FOMO. Which makes our anxiety worse and we get desperate to get better quickly but don't know how and it's just a cycle.

All I can say is find a therapist that works for you and maybe some books that might speak to you on this. I like "Unf*** Your Brain by Faith G. Harper. If you don't mind the swearing it's really insightful. I saw you mentioned DARE I use that app. But hey not everything works for everyone. It's trial and error. Eventually you find what works for you. I have hope that you will find it soon. ❣️

[Adamj in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Im glad you were able to go out and not get nervous you’ll have more days if that! Im frustrated at myself for letting it get this bad. I’ll look into that book. I did enjoy the free trial of the rare app it actually helped me a couple times

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Adamj]

That's good. I use the freebie Dare app myself. Granted don't have access to a lot of special features but it's enough to help me get by.

I get that frustrated feeling. I had a moment today were I admit I cried cause I feel like it's my fault that I did this to myself. Maybe if I didn't get fat, my thyroid would have been okay and I wouldn't have had that traumatic experiences with the setback the medication caused.

But we have to let that go. And forgive ourselves. Holding on to what was keeps us from moving forward. It's okay to feel that feeling. Cry if you must to get it out of your system. Eventually that pain with talking about it with a professional you can move pass it. The wound eventually becomes a scar. We can look back on that scar that we been through somethings but we came out of it. Keep hope alive 💖