my therapist told me to stop being so hard on myself

[Adamj]

my therapist told me to try and look at all I’ve been through it’s okay to be miserable and not feel good. He thinks I may also have adhd and that my body is so hypersensitive to everything and we both wish I could get it toned down. Have the psychiatrist or well nurse practitioner psychiatrist will see how that goes I get tired of explaining the story so many times to people. Ugh maybe they can actually help and make my mind feel clear or atleast not be freaked out all the time. Did go down to the store today and went and drove half way to pick up my girlfriend last night. I still feel that I’m alone and crazy. The damn prickly sensation all over my body has come back ugh. Though I haven’t really been gaging or dry heaving in the mornings. And went for a walk around the block today

[Starrlight]

You are doing a great job of getting through. I’ve also been told I’m too hard on myself. I really like how you say it’s ok to be miserable and not feel good. I feel horrible and I have a funeral to go to tomorrow and I don’t feel like talking to people. Anyway, you said you are freaked out all the time… I hear you…the uncomfortable sensations are tough. I have been so scared today and have a migraine I think from being fearful for so long. Things will have to get better for us though. We have to ride the waves.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

Yes we just gotta ride the waves. Sorry that you have to go to a funeral tomorrow

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

Thank you

[melbrown in reply to Starrlight]

🫂💗 Sorry for your lost hun.

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

Thank you (((((((((((((((Melbrown)))))))))))))))

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Starrlight]

My condolences to you. 🫂

[melbrown]

Definitely relate to how you feel... hope we learn to ride the waves 🏄 and continue to know we a worth it.

[Starrlight in reply to melbrown]

Good reminder. We are worth it.

[EndUser13]

I admire your will to persist. I also agree with your therapist (from my own biased, tiny understanding). Keep trying guy, keep sharing!

[Balloffur2468]

Your early 20s are hard because there are so many adjustments and unknowns. I agree that a person can often be the hardest on themselves. I also understand not wanting to share the stories over and over again. Try writing down when you have these feelings to pinpoint what is triggering them.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I agree with your therapist. I get it. I'm hard on myself too. I get annoyed at myself cause I don't feel like I'm making progress fast enough. And I'm burdening everyone else. Which makes me sad.

But it is about mind set. We both need to speak kinder to ourselves. You are doing great. It's okay if you don't feel great all the time. It happens. But it doesn't last forever.

Therapist and psychiatrist can only give you so much help. The rest is up to you. I see you got the will and the spirit. Which is great! You sought out help. Now you just have to tell your therapist how you feel and what you want to accomplish. Then you 2 can come with a plan of action. It could be something small like going for a walk around your neighborhood 2x a week.

Yeah sensations are uncomfortable. But sensations are just sensations. Like you said gotta surf that wave 🌊 hang ten, buddy. You've got this!

[MaggieSylvie in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

You feeling good today?😊

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to MaggieSylvie]

I'm feeling alright 😊 how are you feeling?

[MaggieSylvie in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Multi-tasking like mad. Partner had hypo and I fed him creatively. He said nowt and has gone back in the garden. Meanwhile, I sit waiting on the phone to my energy provider whilst watching the horse racing - now Tipping Point. Received call on mobile from surgery to say they wouldn't test T3 so am going to have to go privately. Been active to the point of back-ache as well and will have to prepare evening meal soon. Will run out of oomph before I finish. I would be swatting flies as well but the swat is out of reach😊 Suppose I'll pay for this energy surge tomorrow. I thought you might be feeling more than just "alright".🙁

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Wow, that sounds that a full day 😂

No, I'm good 😂 forget sometimes things don't translate well into text. Here we say a'ight which is good or okay depending on how you say it.

I'm well and got my thyroid medication lowered back to 25mcg. Been working on myself, getting out there. Lost a lot of weight so been trying to pack on a few pounds. But my ths levels have been good. Go to get tested again next month to see everything is still functioning in order. Then I'll probably go back to having blood work done at a normal thing of 3months or later. Or however long they check your blood 😂

[MaggieSylvie in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Here, they say awight? instead of "hi" which I don't see the point of.

I'm not on thyroid meds but I can see it coming. The girls on Thyroid Uk have been very helpful and my latest blood results on TSH and T4 only are a bit worrying, but as I have blood cancer and compression fractures, it's hard to know what symptoms go with what. Somehow, doctors expect you to just know. I've got good news on the blood cancer front, though and doing a little research has enabled me to understand why I may have got it - just putting 2 and 2 together. The haematology team haven't worked it out, but they wouldn't because basically everyone else is more sick than I am. They don't expect anyone to get better blood readings like I got on Monday. It's a shame I now have to worry about my thyroid.

😱

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Sorry to hear about the blood cancer and compassion fractures.Here in the states Doctors figure you don't know your body well enough at all but they do.

Well given your issues I guess it makes sense that it's possible thyroid trouble may happen.

I've tried the UK Thyroid forum and it wasn't to my liking. They asked for levels I post and never hear back from anybody else. They all moved on to someone else. So I just left. I'm doing better without it anyways.

[MaggieSylvie in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Aha moment! I found out that high platelets (classified as thrombocytosis) - which are probably high because of inflammation - probably caused the refractory anaemia with ring sideroblasts! It was assumed that I had two types of blood cancer, which is rare - in a disease that is already rare. The inflammation was probably caused by chronic pain and stress.

But then along comes this thyroid/pituitary issue, which has been in the background, probably for some time. On the occasions it's been tested, there have always been some slightly raised eyebrows. A year ago my GP diagnosed hypothyroidism based on my TSH being low. T4 was a bit low as well but not indicative of hypo. This week TSH was less low and T4 more low so that is more than indicative! No response to my blood test from the surgery. I have ordered a private blood test for the three of them again because my GP won't order a T3 test in order to get a proper diagnosis and proper treatment. So the point I'm about to make is that my thyroid has probably been under par for much longer than I've had any sort of blood cancer, and has probably had a hand in causing it.

The compression fractures I believe are unrelated to anything else.

I agree with you in what you say about ThyroidUK if you Google it. Waste of time. However, if you go on the TyroidUK here on the forum, you get lots of help.

[MaggieSylvie in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

You're sort of right. Monday's blood test showed my platelets right down to within range, after three years or so of their being quite high, though not dangerous (diagnosed with thrombocytosis three years ago) My haemaglobin was also continuing to fall (about two points every three months). Then I read that high platelets can actually cause anaemia! So now, I'm thinking - perhaps now I only have MDS - not MPN as well, and perhaps I have had high platelets for some time and they have caused the refractory anaemia with ring sideroblasts.

On top of that, my TSH is 0.12 (0.27-4.2), low, FT4 is 12.0 (12 - 22) low in range, Vitamin D is 91 (50-140) high. It's probably taken a while to get like that, and I have had thyroid tests quite often in my history, but no-one told me the results were a bit dubious. So now, I'm thinking perhaps the thyroid/pituitary issue actually predates the blood cancer and possibly CAUSES it! So the other way round

If you go on ThyroidUk here, on HealthUnlocked, you will find real help but if you go on ThyroidUk outside HealthUnlocked, I agree with you. It's a chat forum that seems to go nowhere.

[Tara52]

I have been extremely hard on myself my whole life even to the point of self harming behaviors when I was younger. There is a very good trauma therapist on YouTube by the name of Tim Fletcher. His videos may be of some help to you. In the meantime be kind to yourself. You deserve it!💝

[MaggieSylvie]

You are indeed hard on yourself, Adamj, and you are sensitive to everything. Your therapist is right about your relationship with your feelings - how you need to just accept them (like that song "Hello Darkness, my old friend"). You are actually normal, and will become more so as time goes by, with or without therapy.

I can relate with your annoyance about having to repeat what's going on so often (it is tedious, even though it's about you). On this forum, you can just make sure you have it in your profile, and have you thought you could also print it out several times and take it with you to your appointments? I'm sure the professionals would even appreciate a copy as it saves them having to write it out in their records (and maybe get some of it wrong).

😊