Where's the way out: Hi to all the... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Where's the way out

Katxz profile image

Hi to all the fighters in this amazing group! My name is Katherine, I just joined cuz I don't know where to turn and in every way I tried to tell people how tough it is, I don't think they get it if they've never gotten it, then it just made me mad when they ask me to exercise.

I've been living with depression and anxiety for 5 years. I've tried literally every medication apart from MAOIs, TMS made me feel alive and 'normal' for a while then stopped working, Esketamine made me feel worse so I had to stop it. I also bought self-help books to try to alter my mindset from a downward spiral to positive thinking, it ain't helping... I really think I've tried my best, now beginning to lose the remaining hope and felt like it's going to be like this forever. Lucky me, every major depression episode hits me at crucial life turning point. This time, I must get a job before October to maintain a Visa to stay in America. But for months, I can't fix my resume and didn't send out even one job application. I stopped feeding myself and cleaning my house. I can't kill myself cuz that'll basically kill my parents, but I don't see a way out of this pain and suffering, if anyone out there made it please please tell me how you did it.

23 Replies

Hi Katxz. I'd like to Welcome you to our support site.Yes there are people who struggle each and every day and

at one time, I was one of them.

From overwhelming anxiety to agoraphobia was like treading water

yet getting nowhere. I never stopped believing that I would find a way

out of this cycle.

For me, it took medication, therapy and even hospitalization but what the

turning point was for me was finding tools that would assist me in getting

whole again.

I studied and trained in hypnotherapy, meditation and breathing. I basically

changed my way in thinking about anxiety. Since it took years to get where I

was at, I didn't expect an overnite change. We can't rush our healing since there

is no magic cure for any of us since we all react differently to stress & anxiety.

Don't beat yourself down in trying to reach your goal. When the time is right,

it will happen. At least it did for me and others on this site. Don't give up.

Always go forward and never get caught up in a cycle of fear. Baby steps count,

keep moving. Train your subconscious mind in listening to the videos on YouTube.

Check out positivity and affirmations. Flood your mind and it will no longer put

out negative thoughts.

I'm happy you are here with us. As you continue to learn from other's experiences,

you can take what may benefit you and leave the rest. We learn from each other.

Wishing you my best. :) xx

Katxz profile image
Katxz in reply to Agora1

Hi Agora1, I'd like to thank you for replying to me, and apologies for my late reply, the past few days haven't been easy for me and I can't even open my computer... I can't tell you how thankful I am to see your reply, tbh I didn't expect anyone would. It is so impressive that you found a way out! Congratulations sincerely:) You're right, we can't change overnight, which is what I was looking for until lately, I would rush to my psychiatrist the moment I felt something wrong and ask him to change the dosage or switch to a new one; I would pick up the new medication on the day even if I had to take a cab across the town. I put all my hope on medications until I tried TMS and Spravatto and there are no more options. I'm almost certain that I can't make a difference by myself, now that I have to, I found it overwhelming to do so during this awful episode of relapse that feels like forever. But you are completely right, and with your post, I'm happy that it took some time but at least now I'm on the right track. I will not give up, I've read some depression self-help books to learn more on the subject, and I will definitely check out the videos you mentioned they sound amazing. Thank you one more time and I will come back to your post whenever I feel like giving up:) I really wish you all the best and if possible I wish I can help you in the future!

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Katxz

Hi Katxz, never say never. There are many more options that are out there thatmay just be for you.

Medication is just the tip of the iceberg in breaking that mental cycle. While we are

on that hiatus is time to find and try self hypnosis, biofeedback, relaxation meditation,

breathing meditation, mindfulness, affirmations etc.

Listening to these videos before sleep will flood your subconscious mind with positive

messages. Time is of the utmost important in doing this. Not an overnite success.

Usually within 30 days, the brain starts to accept the new thoughts you are implanting.

I'm here, we are all here to support each other. To make each step a little more bearable.

You are never alone. We are behind you all the way :) xx

NickieLane profile image
NickieLane in reply to Agora1

That was super amazing advice! You are so kind and a thoughtful person! You brought me to tears. IN a good way and I wish I had half your strength and maybe one day I will.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to NickieLane

Thanks Nickie. It takes having gone down that path in order totruly understand what it's been like. :) xx

Hi Katxz. Welcome!

You say you are having resume problems. In what way? Perhaps I can help in some small way and there would be no charge.

😀

Katxz profile image
Katxz in reply to Shadowfax1973

Hi Shadowfax1973, that is so very generous of you! I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner but so happy that I did eventually and get to read the words people left me. I'm confused with the whole job searching process as a new grad with no actual working experience, resume wise, I couldn't figure out what words would work better to bring out my advantages or just make it looks professional😂 No pressure and I'd be glad to pay, it is already a great gesture that you offered to help me out, thank you thank you!

Shadowfax1973 profile image
Shadowfax1973 in reply to Katxz

No problem. Happy to help. PM sent. 👍

Hi Katxz, welcome!

Compared to what Agora already said, I really have nothing to contribute. Small steps. Be positive, even if you have to fake it til you make it. Keep fighting! Life is worth living

Katxz profile image
Katxz in reply to EndUser13

Hi EndUser13, thank you so much for cheering me up and your reply is already very precious to me! I will keep in mind what you said, try to sort out the mess and keep fighting till I make it. Thank you and wish you a good day!

NickieLane profile image
NickieLane in reply to EndUser13

Yea that was basically my reply.. Agora was right on the money.

Hi. Firstly, people who have never suffered don't understand how you feel at all so they can't truly help you in any meaningful way, so don't depend on them. I didn't exactly have depression, but I had severe anxiety that made me feel hopeless, so I might be able to help you. I'm not sure this will help, but I listened to a lot of music. Mostly The Sundays, Sage Avalon, and Jewel to get me through. I would really recommend Jewel's "Deep Water" it really communicates the loss of suffering, and yet the hope and light of finding new strength within yourself. And yes, all those cheesy quotes about finding that hidden light in yourself is true, you do have more strength than you know. Also, don't stop taking care of yourself, because believe or not any activities help, they help you find confidence, and they help you crawl out of that tunnel. For example, I play guitar and paint, but I do them for myself not for others, you don't need to be good, you just need to feel good with what you do. You can find a way out, and you will find a job if you focus on yourself and make your own decisions ( I know it sounds narcisstic, but its true). Here's another resource for anxiety ( It's actually a good article for once): nextbigideaclub.com/magazin...

It may take a while for you to be the best person possible, but I am confident in you. The journey will be worth it, because true recovery is only reached through time, and that's why your meds don't work, because they are a short term bandage.

Katxz profile image
Katxz in reply to Catscatsy

Thank you so much Catscatsy! I opened Spotify and put on "Deep water" while replying to you it is an amazing song and the two together made me cry, thank you for your recommendations I will listen to all of them:) I feel deeply as well that music helps a lot! I wanted to pick up practicing piano for so long and never really did, I hope to start soon and I'm sure it will help with my situation. Thank you for your empowering words, nothing is cheesy to me they are so reassuring, and I can't tell you how grateful I am that you spent time writing them to me, just when I'm almost certain that no one really cares about me and that I'm not worthy. I'm so happy I found this community, with people helping out each other while fighting their own battles, I hope I get to help you one day, and I am confident in you too! I wish you keep feeling better and better, and a great life ahead of you! Take care!

Catscatsy profile image
Catscatsy in reply to Katxz

Wow, I'm glad you feel empowered, and I totally support your future piano journey, sounds like fun! I think this community is really awesome too, everyone deserves to feel understood. Thank you for writing this message you made me cry too. Just remember that you are always worthy, it's just the people around you may not appreciate you enough.

Hi Katherine. Welcome. I understand exactly how you feel as do a lot of people here. Someone who doesn't have depression will never understand what it's like. My wife and I have that fight all time. She thinks she understands but she doesn't. I've also tried about every med out there besides maoi's. I've been hospitalized, ECT, tms, ketamine, nothing works. I've had depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation for close to 30 years. I have a 12 yr old son which is basically the only reason im still alive. I'm also suffering to no end. You are not alone. There's a lot of support here, hopefully you can find some solace and help

NickieLane profile image
NickieLane in reply to Joshgw

When I tell a family member and now ex husband that I wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere. Their response would be “what do you have to be depressed about”. I’ve heard that response so many times. I could have millions of dollars and live on a ocean front home and I would still have depression, Sometimes I ask myself which is worse depression or anxiety. I have both and I really don’t get close to people because their are days I don’t want to answer their text or even communicate with a family member. People who don’t have depression think that when I say I’m to depressed to hang out today then something happened to make me feel depressed . That’s not true . Depression is always there. Some days are good and then the next day depression says remember me! It don’t end. I hate to say this but when I hear someone say that their anti depressant pretty much cured them I just don’t understand why I can’t even get a smidgen of relief when I’ve tried every single anti depressant out there. I can’t even remember the last time I slept all threw the night , insomnia makes m depression and anxiety much worse.

Katxz profile image
Katxz in reply to NickieLane

Same here! I try to send website links from Psychology Today to them but I think they still can't see how it is. I remember having so much trouble waking up in the morning due to this meds I was taking, but my dad just thought I was lazy, and told me that I won't get better if I don't exercise. And once in new year's eve, I was too depressed to care and they thought I was throwing a temper to my relatives by making a face...I'm happy that there are communities like this where people get each other and they are so kind and supportive. It sucks when others get fixed with the first drug they use while I'm over 30 combinations and still at the same place, I wish I can say more constructive things to comfort you but I don't know what they are...I wish I can spare some of my sleepy head to you so that you can sleep better, what helped me when I had insomnia is ASMR videos, it's not for everyone but you can check them out on Youtube if you'd like! Thank you so much for replying to me I hope we both could get some relief soon!

Katxz profile image
Katxz in reply to Joshgw

Hi Joshgw, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been suffering for this long. I get how powerless it feels when the closest person can't understand how we're feeling and what we're dealing with, I'm the same with my parents. I guess we can see it from another angle that, at least they stuck around for us. I'm sorry too that no meds worked for you, but there are new ones get approved all the time and we still have hope! I'm so impressed that you reach out to help others while not in ur best days, you're an amazing person, thank you so much I feel much less alone now, and hope that I can help you in any way in the future. I won't give up and neither will you:)

I have been seriously depressed for 5 years also, couldn't find meds, nor therapy that could help me. I thought I was finished, but finally found the final med that is helping me crawl out. It is only for the grace of this that I can do more things, and fake it until I make it. My experience is that only the meds could help me. Now I will try cognitive behavioral therapy. I restarted guitar lessons, started a women's group and looking for work. That is a small life but I can walk with the pain now. And it is only by doing things for myself at this point that I will get stronger.

Katxz profile image
Katxz in reply to samack

Hi Samack, congratulations on finding the drug that works for u!! I'm around 5 years too, what's tricky for me is that each med that worked eventually stopped working for me, now I think it's God telling me that I can only get through this by myself otherwise I'll be stuck forever...I honestly think I'm been punished for something I did in the past, it's just so frustrating when each time I think the hope is finally here it went away and the darkness is even more surreal😂 I'm trying CBT as well, you can also try meditation which worked for me I just didn't stick with it. Sounds like your life is getting together and I look up to you you made it! I will keep trying, and yes I'll start doing things for myself. Thank you so much, keep getting better pls!

samack profile image
samack in reply to Katxz

I know the pains of med changes up and down. How long does the med work for? Again myjourney out is still painful, but I suppose it's early recovery. 5 years no med combo worked. So maybe there's still something out there for you, maybe in natural meds. You are not alone here.

Katxz profile image
Katxz in reply to samack

They worked for like half a year then gradually stopped...I am now trying tricyclic meds again, they are said to work better but wow the side effects are stronger than I expected haha. I will totally check out some natural meds, recently this book called "The Upward Spiral" by Alex Korb Daniel J. Siegel really gave me hope, it explains clearly every possible impact depression has on us and why, and the 2nd part is supposed to give suggestions which I can't wait. I really hope CBT works for u, and if you enjoy reading, this book might help too! Thank you for encouraging me, I hope you keep feeling better!

Hi everyone:

Just had my brain jogged to recall one of the most knots t things I came to realize only in retrospect that if I knew this and was able to be at peace with my current state of mental distress and how event the most well intentioned family members can be the actual single source of gas being thrown on the already raging dumpster fire we ourselves see our lives as being, just silently reinforces co-mortified borne directly via our parents using as indicators of our lack of desire or commitment to improve and that we simply needed to be like the other siblings that were successful in fall in right into what most people still see as the profile of successful and happy adults: early jobs helping lay the groundwork for future success in career endeavors, long term relationships that result in a plethora of children that need be had before the mid to late 30’s lest you feel like you’re behind your peers in a lack of social media pictures and continued success and climbing of the corporate ladder, all of which to this day still conspire to mess with those types that are “successful” by many standards, yet lack the experience, personal impact of setbacks and coinciding commitment to daily improvements if not for our own satisfaction, our ability to communicate with a society that is unable to do anything on their end to adjust for US as our current treatment protocols stand.

Point being: our issues tend to snowball and won’t stop until we personally decide how and what basic issue to address first.

If anyone is dealing with mental health issues and is diagnosed as Add or ADHD, you’ll likely find that everything is actually interrelated, stemming from missed diagnosis or detection of your neurological issues that were then given a determination that simple effort and commitment to being quiet in class will correct in due tkme.

We will most likely never be given the benefit of having to fight twice as heard every day as our peers and wherever we also suffer interlaced problems will be seen as our overall inability to be seen as much other than (in my extended family I’m deemed an study in how to fail at life” because everyone else happily fell in line with societies expectations of what and when they should go about living their lives, which I view as unfortunate for them; since they have no idea how resilient they can be if given the chance. Our struggle to navigate suicidal ideation is criminally under appreciated, yet if given the chance to show our lessons learned via struggling with the very same ails people on the whole age now daily. Compositing about being too much for them to deal with, might some day be recognized by medical professionals and recovering mental health episode suicide attempt survivors.

I’m working diee red from with one of the top neuropsch docs in the country in creating a complete program for analysis of meds, therapies, specialist and the like for evaluation of the effects to decide which modalities best fit your issues (it’s going to be multidimensional BTW) suggestion Cognitive, in person therapy, medication, and other supplemental treatments) are mixed and matched to best fit a total king term’s program that indicates sustained success.

I’m here to use my network and resources to help others mtitigate the pitfalls I succumbed to , use me at your behest for help.

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