Fearing the worst

[Epicjinx]

In June I tried to kill myself with 30 paracetamol left it 3 days to get help then went to hospital for 4 days. Ever since I've been feeling like a nuisance to everyone around me like I would be better off dead. I'm barely eating and my body is using fat to use up energy. I'm scared that my heart will go into failure and this all happened because of depression. Everyone thinks I'll make it to 40. This is coming back to haunt me and I feel like I deserve it. I've been crying so much, I can barely sleep. Depression made me want to kill myself but I don't know what will happen when it happens. I'm scared and feel alone most 0eople die from it I survived but my health is horrible I feel like I'll die because I'm not eating enough and petrified. I'll show an image of me. I have depression because a family member tried repeatedly to kill himself and my sister knew it would happen but didn't phone me and I did it I told my mum the second day about it. My liver started failing. I struggle daily to do anything with my life and feel this is how it ends. I believe in reincarnation and spirits but there's not much evidence on what happens once we are dead and that's scary. Depression made me think I was better off dead and it's going to happen slowly. My doctors don't believe me but I know the poison is in my veins and there's nothing they can do. I eat maybe 3/4 times a day small meals but it's getting harder to do so. My hair has started falling out not many clumps. Getting another blood sample taken tommorow. Can anyone help me with their beliefs and anything handy?

[Kweh123]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling! Please don't live up on your life. Things always get better in the end. If you're rock bottom the only way is up! Please reconsider on taking your own life. Your family will not be better off if you are dead as I'm sure they love you very much. Please speak to your doctor about what you are going through and hopefully they can offer you antidepressants/counselling to make you feel well again. Be strong xx

[Epicjinx in reply to Kweh123]

It already happened if you read my post. I'm on antidepressants and seeing an occupational therapist but my weight seems to be shifting because I'm eating less and can barely keep warm as it continues.

[comb]

Epicjinx, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Thank you for sharing your story. Have you tried meditating or just trying some really simple self-care practices? I find music to be incredibly healing.

Maybe turn the lights off, light a candle, lay down, focus on your breath and listen to this:

youtu.be/87E2ZRy21V8(Not working as expected?)

I hope this gives you just a moment of relief.

[Epicjinx in reply to comb]

No but I've listened to some music here and there. I'll try it

[Into-the-wild]

Hi I'm new to this sight, I've been dealing with my anxiety depression and panic attacks since November of last year. When I think about it I've realized I've always really been this way but about a year ago is when it amplified by like 100. Killing yourself wether you feel like it will effect anyone or not it will. My dad killed himself 3 years ago I've yet to accept it. I've pushed it so far into my subconious it's messing with me mentally now.. forcsing me to.. nothing is worth you life.. I've been looking into quantum physics, look into doloras canon and QHHT it's quantum hypothesis healing therapy. Thats what I'm trying to do for my health. Known that you are beautiful for who you are as well every day is a new day the hardest challenge is to love yourself I'm learning slowly everyday. Love you wish you the best

[Epicjinx in reply to Into-the-wild]

Yes I know it isn't worth it but the damage is done. Thank you for that suggestion.

[Hidden in reply to Epicjinx]

Really moved by your plight Epicjinx. Following your hospital stay have you now got forward support to help you through? take care and come to us if we can do anything to help

[Epicjinx in reply to Hidden]

I've been referred for an endoscope but no news yet. Getting help by my occupational therapist and on setraline. I'm just scared because of trouble eating.

[Hidden in reply to Epicjinx]

I hope the endoscopy goes well for you. have you been offered any sort of counselling? I hope also the setraline is helping you. Depression is so evil. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better

[Epicjinx in reply to Hidden]

I'm currently on CBT then I see a pyschologist thank you I've been dealing for 8 years nearly lost my life now I can barely eat but I eat small meals

[Hidden in reply to Epicjinx]

That's good you are getting the help. Attempting to take your life is such a horrendous place to be, I have tried to do the same 4 times in the last 18 months. I am here if ever I can help or just someone to talk to

[Epicjinx in reply to Hidden]

Thank you after the overdose my mind gas been spiralling out of control because lack of eating much but I'm trying to go on but struggling

[Hidden in reply to Epicjinx]

I have overdosed before too and it does ruin your appetite for a while and you do feel such a struggle to come to terms with it all. does it ever help you to write things down?

[Epicjinx in reply to Hidden]

My appetite isn't great I struggle to eat so many foods. Yes I Do, very rarely I write things down.

[Doug1847]

Ask your doctor about Cyproheptadine. It's basically a medicine that just makes you really hungry so that you eat a lot more. If you can start eating and gaining weight, your health will be better and you can go from there and work on healing yourself.

[Epicjinx in reply to Doug1847]

I might ask as I'm not bothered about eating much but eat small but frequent