Some of this is harder due to the pandemic, and people texting or browsing the internet on their cell phones.
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Try getting into the habit of small talk, and see where it leads.
Some people only want to have small talk, (some sadly don't even want that) but some will talk more if they feel comfortable around you, which again it's kinda hard to due at times due to what I wrote above.
In general most people are passive aggressive so it is unlikely you will get anyone to tell you what is wrong with you. As for me, I can not begin to dissect any of your personality because I have only just been introduced.
Relationships take time, in some cases weeks but in others, years. Maybe we can be friends. I am willing to hang out for a while and maybe determine your level of b***h or a*****e and give you a proper report.
I think sometimes it takes a while to make friends that accept us for who we are. Whether we have issues or not, we just have to know that we are okay being who we are. You don't have to try and mold yourself to anyone else's expectations, that never works in the long run. Just be yourself, and be who you are, there is nothing wrong with you being just yourself...
Sometimes we need to change our venues, and be with a more like-minded group of people. Others who may be more accepting and open and compassionate. I know that is easier said than done, especially in today's climate, but where there is a will there is a way. I found that finding people with similar interests, like group activities around things I was interested in, or liked to do. Gardening, museums, photography, arts and crafts, etc. Don't' focus on what's wrong with you, and focus more on what you like to do and finding others who like the same kinds of things...
Agree with this. It's good to get feedback and find ways to grow, but not by selling your soul or changing who you are in order to meet others' criteria of who you should be.
I admit myself that being oneself is a hard road to take, but I think it's the only one. The tiny handful of folks who appreciate me for who I am are worth a thousand times more to me than those who brush me off because I am different.
If you think about it, the world is full of boring, mean, difficult, and antisocial people who have tons of friends. Somehow they've built an image of themselves that people are attracted to regardless of how they treat those people. I don't completely understand it, but I see it all the time.
Based on your open-minded reflection on yourself and situation, I don't think it's you; it's them. Knowing that won't necessarily make your social life easier, but it may put you more at peace with yourself.
I’m finding pretty much the same. For me and my friends don’t even understand what I went through recently and why I wasn’t coming out of my apartment for 2 1/2 years. But in that 2 1/2 years I did learn a lot about myself, and that maybe the friendships I had weren’t really friendships. What did we really have in common anymore? But as you said, it’s hard to meeting new people I love people I love to talk to people and now that I get out more I can’t wait. But everyone’s in a rush or on their phone. And then I find that I talk really fast I think I’m so excited just to have another buddy to talk to. Lol I’m hoping to go back to work at the end of August, and I look forward to conversations again and meeting new people. I think for me, it’s just hard to make friends when you’re older 😩. But it can be done.
It is difficult but as they say there apparently is someone out there for everyone, I just don’t seem to be able to find any. Hope things get better for you soon x
Perhaps you have US. I will say a lot of people are not friends. This situation can be a main cause of trouble. Some people want to make you feel and think because you are different from them, you are odd or awkward. That is unacceptable dear.
Also, it is not impossible to find a compatible friend, it may just take a little effort.
Each day, do a self-assessment through calm meditation, to ensure you are doing things rightly, if it becomes positive, keep improving.
My dear, this world doesn't appreciate us when we allow them to "influence" everything. Therefore, we will push and decide matters, even if it is at a minute level—be it with our friends, family, community, and so on—., but we must do it with ❤️.
I agree with others - there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, forming quality friendships can be difficult for everyone and it seems to take a lot more effort as we get older. I'm an introvert so I have to really force myself to put in the effort. Second the advice to try and join some groups or activities that you enjoy - these are places where you'll meet like-minded people who are also looking to socialize and are more open to new friendships. I actually made some long term friendships from a local group therapy for anxiety. You get to know people pretty intimately pretty fast in those types of settings, and that always makes it easier to form a deeper bond
The fact that you want to connect with people says nothing is wrong with you. I’m not a professional counselor, but you are talking to people. That’s a lot! I believe in today’s world people are more often mean and turned inward. We can all use some new people skills. Don’t fall to negative self talk though, you’re rocking!
Really hard to know and answer without meeting you in person.
I have the same issue. I don’t have one friend. I’ve always wanted someone to tell me what’s wrong with me. Let me know if any of the suggestions here help you.
It helps knowing people here have taken the time to reply and give their opinion like yourself. I guess it makes me feel less lonely and I appreciate people here. And yes I take suggestions on board x
Same for me. I think it has a lot to do with the pandemic. I also think people work or have other demands. However, I also think if they really want to be friends, they would make an effort
Good for you for putting yourself out there. Social anxiety can distort our view of how people perceive us and make us believe things about ourselves that isn't true and make things personal. I remember a number of years ago having a realization that people really liked and enjoyed me and my belief was just the opposite. I still have trust issues and it takes time for me to really open up to some people and I was looking for feedback for validation but it is better. SA also makes us think that something is wrong with us which isn't true. One of the things that I came across that fit for me was that it's common for people with SA to suffer from low-self-esteem/self-worth and lack of self-love, I know I sure did and it may be something you want to consider. I think one of the basics of friendship is having some common interests to share and build on so you might start there. I found the writings of Dr. Bernadette Sewell helpful and did her Break Free program.
You have hit the nail on the head! That’s exactly how I am. I always think negative about how people think about me, even if that tell me they like me I can not believe/trust what they say. I think people get annoyed with me.
I am trying to not always believe my thoughts but it is so hard.
I struggle with what’s real and in my head sometimes. As in I don’t know if I’m correct about people. Did you ever have this problem.
Also i find group things difficult, I freeze and go into my self in group situations.
I avoid talking to people as the anxiety about what I said: they said goes around in my head for ages after worrying/ over thinking. So my way is to avoid people then I don’t have the anxiety. However I feel lonely in doing this.
I have been trying to move out my comfort zone and get to know people but I adjust always feel ignored and they don’t like me.
Wow that was a long message.
U opened up an issue and maybe other people have there!
Glad I could help, no need to apologize and quit feeling like you have to apologize - LOL!. It's hot here unfortunately.
Yes, I can relate to much of what you say, I went for a long time thinking there was something wrong with me and having a voice (critic) in my head. It really helped me finding out that we all have it, some are just louder than others. I read recently that we have over 6000 thoughts a day and the majority of them a negative because those are the ones that have the most impact.
One of the big things that has helped me was learning to never believe my anxious thoughts and know they are lies. The role of anxiety and our critic is to keep us safe no matter what but it unfortunately does it in a very counterproductive way. What helps me is practicing mindfulness meditation which for me is just sitting and focusing on my breath and letting the thoughts come and go and not reacting to them. I don't worry if my mind wanders but then bring my attention back to the thoughts and let them flow. Its a good thing to do when you're calm but also when anxious so you can do it anytime. I also thought of it as watching a TV with the sound off in my mind and all of the images are just thoughts going by. It takes time but it's a great skill for learning to detach from out thinking. It helps me throughout the day.
I use to try to be in control so bad that if I was meeting with a group of people i would try to figure out their astrological signs so I would know who I could relate better to - wow. A lot of SA is about the need to be perfect, not make mistakes and we think we can do it by being in control. I also did ok one on one but not in groups with people.
It is tricky trying to decide if it's your anxiety or intuition about people, I spent so many years being judgmental that I now try to listen to my heart and see what it says. I try to be aware of the fine line between judgement and discernment. Those of us with anxiety tend to live so much in our head and not in our body/heart so it's a good awareness to bring your attention back into your body throughout the day and check in with your feelings. I would say that if you are feeling anxious and trying to read people it's your anxiety talking. What helped me about this was the revelation that it was my choice to decide if I liked the person or not, it was not up to them - I had never thought of it in that way before
When I was in a group with people I sometimes felt so uncomfortable that I would ask people all kinds of questions just to keep the conversation going because i had difficulty with silence. I've learned that it's ok to not talk and let there be pauses and not feel like I have to control it and to share my story.
The unfortunate paradox of SA is that what we want and desire is to connect with people and on a deeper level but we're afraid of being judged. One of the things that helped me was realizing that if it feels anxious its a signal to do it anyway, lean into it. It might be uncomfortable and I might have anxiety but do it and eventually feel better. I do still occasionally have all of the thoughts after being with someone but rarely do I beat myself up over them although it's a common thing for those of us with SA.
I would recommend you try finding a therapist or center that specializes in treating SA, they usually incorporate group and exposure therapy into it as well as to teaching you new skills. There wasn't one near me at the time so I did an online program from the socialanxietyinstitute.org which helped although I would have preferred the in-person therapy. There are also more online programs available now. My only issue with the program from the institute is their method of dealing with ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) I found didn't work for me but my mindfulness method did. You didn't mention if you were on medication but I found being on the right med for me has helped lessen the ruminating and the mild depression. I think it's common for those with SA to have some degree of depression and I know it runs in my family.
Another helpful thing was determining why and how I had developed SA. In my case I grew up in a verbally and physically abusive emotionally repressive household and was bullied in school and developed SA. I realized I was also dealing c-ptsd and found a trauma therapist who uses emdr therapy which really helped.
I have made great progress with my SA and c-ptsd and unfortunately with covid I haven't been able to do as much with the SA as I would like.
Those of us with SA tend to be very hard on ourselves so try to be kind to yourself.
Obviously I have lots to say on this so feel free to ask me more.
You're very welcome, glad to help. SA ruled my life too for so long and I refuse to let it impact me any longer. It is possible to recover from SA, I even now go to the store in my old crappy work clothes unshaven and I wear a covid mask primarily because most everyone isn't now, I use to be so self-conscious and concerned what others thought about me. I still occasionally have issues but they don't last very long. Change does not come easy but it is worth it.
I wish I knew the answer to this one, I can relate- too much perhaps. I suppose I've just learned to be too comfortable in my own little bubble, I'm not interested in reaching out again just to get burned, even if I KNOW the things I want are outside of my comfort zone.
Good on you for trying, for 'fighting the good fight', I hope you'll see it's worth the effort sooner rather than later.
It’s when we start to suffer in our comfort zone we have to force our selves to reach outside of it.
I understand the feeling of being burned.
It really is difficult to deal with.
I find it helps to find some lesson if we can
And that there was a reason that situation happened. And that trust it will help in the future for what ever reason may be.
Also try to trust better things are to come.
I know it’s hard , honestly I isolate/avoid people all the time. For me this does me no good. However if you are content in your situation then all is good.
Do what is right for yourself and be strong and don’t give up hope .
Sorry ur struggling. I can relate. I'm not sure if I have any advice as I'm struggling to make & maintain relationships. Is there an activity hobby you like or interested learning more about? Maybe you can meet more people that way. Good luck.
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What the heck is wrong with me?
What's wrong with me? ***TRIGGER WARNING***
what is wrong with me this is getting frightening 
Not even sure what is wrong with me
What's wrong with me?
