Help. I’m not well. I’m scared. I’m depressed. I’d rather not be. I’m tired. I can barely move. I want to disappear. I’m trying to go off a benzo which just makes it all worse. It’s my dog’s b day so I ordered some special treats for her. Maybe we will go for a nature hike. I messed up my foot but I can walk a little. I ordered my kiddos some bath bombs and deep cleaned the bathroom. I will put lavender in their bath tonight to relax them. Later I will put in some large white pillar candles for my bath when I get up motivation. Underneath all those nice plans I’m so sad and wish I could die. Now. I’m so done with these feelings this life I can’t keep doing this. I ordered a new adaptogen to help with stress. I’m trying. I’m crying. Fuck! I’m so angry! I just can’t keep going this way. But I don’t know what to do.
Help: Help. I’m not well. I’m scared. I... - Anxiety and Depre...
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Try to keep in mind that going off benzos always fucks with your head. Remember that these thoughts are temporary to a certain extent. Your mind is fighting the body, the body fighting the mind, take it slow, take it down to the most basic moment, right here, right now. Live in that moment and take it from there¡!!!!!!wish you luck!!!!! Remember!!! You have a dog and kids!!! They need you!!!
Thank you
🫂💗🫂 Sweetheart I hope you ordered yourself a little something special too. You sound like you are going through a lot ... adjusting/going off meds is hard... let yourself rest... scream, cry, let it out... it's okay... you are okay... Please reach out to your doctor about the struggle coming off the benzo, see if they have any suggestions. Lots of love dear one.
Good idea. I just can’t imagine getting help though. I’m in such a bad place I can’t even get myself to use the phone.
I know it's hard... believe me, many of us have been there... you are already doing a big step by posting/being here... you are strong hun... you can do this. I believe in you.💫💛
You are a strong beautiful warrior woman. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
"I’m trying to go off a benzo which just makes it all worse."
Starrlight,
Please reach out to your doc if needed, and let him/her know what is going on.
Are you trying to come off the benzo completely, or are you tapering?
.
Until you get answers from your doc, what you are feeling is stress with a chemical reaction.
This sometimes happens with med adjustments, but you're going to be OK, and we are here.
Thank you!!!
Tapering
Nature hike is the answer ,Youlle feel better after
Thanks I don’t think I can get out. Not good n a safe place in my mind And it’s my fault. I sabotaged myself.
Just listen to the birdsong
⭐️
Take that walk with Coco. Then use a nice lavender bath bomb for yourself
❤️🐬
I can’t. I’m frozen. ❤️
How are you today ⭐️?
"I’m not well. I’m scared. I’m depressed"
*Remember what you wrote in your Bio*
" being a mama are my loves in life ❤️"
.
Remind yourself that you have a beautiful home, beautiful kids, a dog that has a birthday to share with you.
When you look all around, all of that stuff took hard work, and you accomplished all of that.
Those are constant reminders that you have accomplished great things in your life, and you are a strong person.
What you are feeling is temporary.
You, (along with your docs help) are going to get through this, and we are here. 
Thanks for being here. You sound so positive and that’s what I need to be. I’m not doing a good job at it. Mind ruminating, my will power poor motivation zero, fear level 10 out of 10 Of NOTHING but yet everything. I dont feelSafe.
"You sound so positive and that’s what I need to be."
Starrlight,
Overall.. I'm no stronger or better, but that's what this community is all about. (helping others)
.
"I’m not doing a good job at it."
No you're just having a bad day, and we all have our share of bad days.
This is temporary. It's chemical change mixed with stress, but it's "temporary", and you're going to get through this.
.
"I dont feelSafe. "
Then please give your doc a call, put in a call right now to have them call you back if you haven't yet, and see what your doc has to say.
Listen to your doc's instructions, and when you get a chance later, get some sleep/rest/recharge. (the more rest the better)
Starrlight.. I've been where you are at right now. I know that this isn't easy.
Please.. Listen to your docs, get some rest when you can, and you will get through this.
Sorry I am going to try to take your positive words and use them to slip out of this mess I’m in. Thank you
When was the last time that you ate something?
Even if it's something simple as a snack bar or crackers, can we make this happen?
.
& If you 're not in the mood for eating ATM, then please drink water and at least stay hydrated.
I hate myself
Well you’re entitled to your opinion, but we love you
❤️
When you get through this, you will realize that:
You don't hate yourself, you just hate the way that you're feeling ATM.
You're gonna get through this.
Truth
Listen to all the love for you here today. You brought us here.
❤️
My mind - I need to calm it.
Breath 🍵
❤️🐬
Breathing. Helps. Hope you’re situation is going better.
I'm hanging in there. We are strong warriors girl friend.
We get knocked down but we get up again.
❤️🐬
Hi. A lot of people have mentioned that going off benzos could be a lot of what's going on.
Why can't you move? Have you hurt more than your foot running about?
You've scheduled lots of nice things for Coco and the children.
It's great you're doing things to take care of yourself too. A relaxing bath, and a new adaptogen to try.
You can only do the things you know to do to care for yourself.
Chatting here.
Distracting yourself.
Call the doctor about the meds if you think that'll help.
You're doing a great job recognizing all the nasty emotions popping up. I wish I was so brave and clear thinking.
What to do is rely on the things you know get you through.
youtube.com/watch?v=kx-36TK...
I love this song. Thank you
Just for you.
I remember one of my benzodiazepine withdrawals vividly! Inpatient for safe withdrawal & all that. They did me ‘cold turkey’! What a trip! I was hallucinating like crazy! Never Again. Hope you get thru it OK to enjoy yourself. Bless
Thanks I’ve been tapering.
Hello Starrlight. You’re not alone in your struggle. I fight with you! I 2 feel awful. I wish you well
Hello Alex. What has helped you today? Here’s some love ❤️
Starrlight you need to talk to your doc about these symptoms of withdrawal. There may be options the explore.
Remember you are loved. You are strong. Take a moment to breathe and stay in the moment. You are safe. We care for you.
My doc already put me on a med to reduce craving for things like alcohol maybe it helps with benzo withdrawal I don’t know but I have a few peices of Valium left for the next few days Then I wonder how long I will crave it for…I care about you too… how r u?
I hope you are slowly getting of the benzo slowly getting ot out instead of cold turkey cause that can seriously mess up stuff
Yes I am thanks!!!
How about movies or seriesMaybe watch sunrise on ur terrace
Sounds perfect! Thanks for the ideas
How about a big HUG, Starrlight? 🤗
Awww yes!!!!! (((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))) u r so sweet!!!
Realise I'm hours too late to be of any help for your meeting, but hope it helps anyway. A n d breathe!
Thank you so so much! Means a lot to me!
Hi Starrlight, I too am in a horrible dark suicidal place. I just raised my lexapro to 15mg from 10 after only three weeks. Maybe I did it too early.
Remember, coming off a drug can be really hard, but it is temporary. When we're in such an emotional state, our minds can lie to us. yes, I don't use my own advice here bc when you're in that state, we don't have that perspective.
But it looks like you're being very active and fighting it very well. I have trouble even getting out of bed and just sobbing. You are accomplishing a lot for someone who's in such a state. Hold on to the fact that you were able to be so productive DESPITE how you feel. I know it's hard, bc it is for me too, but try to take credit for and "own" the things you did. Remind yourself that you're trying and pushing through. My therapist always tells me to buckle up and just do it. And obviously I know it's not that simple or easy.
I too have a child and like you, I also just can't do this anymore, the pain and being suicidal is unbearable. But we have to go on for our kids. I have a picture of him at work with a sign that says, I have to fight for him, I have no choice. You have no choice either. Hold on to that. I am very proud of you that you are able to do these things. I wish i had your strength. Do you journal. I find it helpful. At the end of everyday I write down all my accomplishments for that day. Things as simple as I made it to work or I ate something. Even if it's only one thing.
I'm sorry for such a long post, but I hope any of this helps. You can always PM me to talk more. Everyone here feels the way we do on some level and I always here for you
Josh
Sorry I missed this post. It’s so nice to get such support. Very helpful. How are you doing?
Have you considered speaking with a professional?
I do have a team I work with.
Hi Starrlight, I know exactly how you feel. I'm not well either. I'm also scared,depressed and suicidal. My lithium was starting to help slowly, I've been on it 3 weeks, but the last few days have been unbearable. I also have a 12 yr old son and he's the reason im still alive. It would kill him and ruin his life if I wasn't around. Besides, I want to stick around and be his dad and watch him grow up. And I have my wife even though we are having problems.
Remember you have kids too who need you. I'm also tired. It's exhausting to live like this, always fighting, the conflict within ourselves to want to die but knowing you can't really. Sometimes I wish I was alone and I could do it already.
But you are stronger than you think. You have made some real accomplishments. You bought stuff for your dog and kids, you're going on a nature hike. You are engaging with other people and not isolating yourself. These are all positive steps you can build on.
I'll PM you.
Josh
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