Help: So I have a lot going on. I’m not... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Casper22337281919
Casper22337281919

So I have a lot going on. I’m not at school full time so my teacher comes over to my house and when she was over I hurt myself trying to show how I was feeling but when my ask I said I was fine. I didn’t want to talk to my mom about it. I’m pretty sure she saw the cut and the blood Becuase it kept bleeding on and off but she didn’t sag anything about it. This makes me think I can self harm without getting in trouble . So I’m anxious about going to school

14 Replies
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How did you hope your teacher would react, and what did you hope she would do? Give you sympathy? Get you help?

I was trying to show I was upest

Did you want her to ask why? And to try and help you? Whenever you do anything it will help you to think what you want out of it.

Did the teacher react? Did she sit quietly while you did this, offer to stop you, help you? Talk to your mom afterwards?

You’re mom is aware of what is going on with you in general or no? Did she just chose to downplay it while your teacher was there?

Why would you get in trouble for self harming? Are you wanting others to visually see what you’re doing as a way to be noticed, expecting a certain reaction from your mom, the teacher and who ever else sees your wounds and scars?

The title of your post says ‘Help’. have you identified what help you need?

I have a therapist. We have indenfity that I self harm as a way to show I’m upedt Becuase in the past I have had promlebs

In the past I have gotten in trouble.

What I wanted was not to feel so alone to see if someone actually cared about me.

Then later I wished I didn’t Becuase I don’t want other people to see the scars I only trust my teacher and my therapist. I didn’t want to talk to my mom. I wasn’t sure how to put what I was feeling into words

Im sorry you cant talk to your mom. That would be difficult. Im glad you can talk with your teacher and therapist. I can imagine holding all your feelings inside could exacerbate your wanting to harm yourself. Im sending out hugs and prayers to you.

She may not have said anything because she thought saying something may draw attention to it even more and make you close up / not want to discuss anything, so her approach is ignore it as it allows you time to deal with your feelings without feeling like you're being judged.

Try not to go down the path of thinking you'll get into trouble if you self harm, it's not trouble so to speak, no one is telling you to stop and just sort yourself out, although i get that sometimes it feels like they've said that because no one gets what you're going through. You'll be noticed if you self harm, unfortunately there's not enough people whom understand what we go through to actually be able to help.

I don't self harm in the sense that I cut or draw blood, but when I get stressed or people get me angry, or i feel like i'm in a corner and can't talk my way out, like i'm stuck i'll scratch myself; legs stomach and arms, until it hurts, kind of like the anger will come out of those areas and calm me. But I do have friends / sports class coaches whom must notice it and don't say anything - so I feel that's their way of not drawing attention to it and just allowing me to be myself.

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to farahziya

Try using humour instead, It has got me out of many a tight corner. x

I have been cutting and burning myself since I was 19. I am now 54. Trust me it is not a path you want to go down. I know the relief very well. It’s not for attention. I have five adult children and none of them know. Imagine hiding it for 34 years. I wish I could give you advice on how to stop but I can’t. I do understand though. Try try try to stop now. Before you can’t. Eventually you will be at the dr. For stitches or infection. Then sent to the psych.

You are developing a cutting habit see a Doctor immediately! Self harm is not a way out. If you believe in God do not throw away the gift of life he gave you. Remember you are NOT alone God is there ask him for help and he will provide it.

Casper,

If you can't talk to your mom, do you have a friend's mom who might be able to listen without judgment? My daughter had a friend who cut herself. She came over one day and we talked to her about why she did it. I did what I could but her own mother's treatment of her is mainly why she used self harm. I met the woman later and she was telling me horrible things about her kid and how I should keep my own daughter away from her. And that was said to me the first time I met the mom.

I like to punch things when I get mad. I don't hit people and I rarely cause any damage beyond a hole in the wall. Or I get in my truck, take a drive and scream out my frustration. (Hard to do this last thing in daylight hours. It looks weird to see someone yelling in the vehicle when stopped at a stop light.)

I had hoped your teacher would have said she cared for you. But her being there showed that she cared enough to come by and see you. She cared enough to listen to you. She probably said she was worried about your grades and homework. And how your attendance has been lacking lately. All of these are ways people care without mentioning the harm someone afflicts on themselves. I think if they avoid the topic of cutting, as farahziya said in her reply, they are trying to keep you talking without making you think you are in trouble or stop talking.

Prayers for you, Casper. Lots of light and love to you.

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