Hello friends. I'm a young male in his super early 20s, finished college, work in healthcare making close to 6 figures as a new grad, I work out, and I buy nice semi-casual/formal clothes. I did everything askmen reddit told me to do to be attractive, and im still depressed and miserable. I hate my self. i feel like im subpar to my white friend. Literally every chick we come across looks at him in admiration. He cheats on girlfriend and keeps getting new hook ups faster than I can buy stocks (and lately ive been buying pretty fast) . My therapist told me thatll change in the later 20s, but that still makes me feel terrible because I feel like i'll just be life's metaphorical cuckold either way. I just came off a 5 year long relationship and im not privy to the idea of flings (not like I had a chance anyway). I feel like every time me and my white friend walk into places im the last place loser. Im the last option. The lowest tier beta male because i can't stomach the idea of using women like him and the other successful alphas.
I also grossly dislike my 20s because everyone loves drinking and hooking up and all i wanna do is going to my friend's house, buy some wings, watch some basketball, and binge COD just like we used to. But they've morphed into frequent bar go-ers and sink lots of money there. I just walk around miserable and i often get panic attacks at home thinking about social situations. Only now is it being controlled with prozac but I still panic hard core when I think about social gatherings. But I just feel like the social world is out to get me and its like "witches at black masses". I feel like the world around me is fake. But I still feel socially inferior, and all I do is sink my money in stocks(target date fund to be more specific) to compensate for being such a loser. Anti depressants don't stop me from feeling like a good for nothing human either :/. All I want to do is just be alone :(.
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You sound like an amazing person with strong values and convictions. Please do not compare yourself to someone who lives life by a different set of values than you do. Perhaps you are trying to make yourself fit into someone else's life? You can shove your foot into a shoe that doesn't fit, but it doesn't mean you can run a marathon in it without a lot of pain. Find people who have the same outlook on life. You sound like an old soul. I wonder if you found a group of friends who are like-minded if some of your depression would ease up? Be true to yourself and don't settle.
I agree with the other poster. You're spending time with people that have different values than you and comparing yourself. It doesn't sound to me like that's the main issue though. I'd be willing to bet you've had feelings of inferiority your whole life and this is just one way it's manifesting itself. We don't just decide one day that we aren't worthy. That concept was programmed into your subconscious at some point in your life. If those beliefs change, so will your life, but you have to find the root cause. You have to change the beginning of the story if you want a different outcome at the end.
You sound like a real catch, but you need to understand where your inferiority complex comes from.You need to work on your self esteem a little.If you already have the job in order, your bed made, your house clean, and your hobbies on point, you need to try and see the awesomeness in those so you can mirror it in the world.If you are the kind of person to enjoy home time more than going out and getting wasted, that' ok, try to find people that do that also.
If you want to go out and be successful with girls, you need to learn to be friendly first, without exerting the need to get a girl.You need to just have fun when going out.
Askmen subreddit has been the most toxic thing to me. My brain sees it as the holy Grail of how men should act. I know it's illogical but I keep feeling the need to act like an alpha and relentlessly pursue improvement. Sounds silly a random subreddit can do that but that's what happened :(. I feel like a good for nothing beta who deserves nothing good.
You are your own person. Don't try to be what the world wants you to be because that way is the wrong way to be happy. I was only 50 when I finally figured that out. It does get Better so please hang in there. I highly recommend therapy.
I am really sorry that you feel that way. BUT you sound like a strong man, you know how you want to treat a woman and I admire the fact that you don't want to lower your standards in that way. I wish I could give better advice or give words of wisdom to help, but if you do ever need someone to talk to or just to vent about a bad day please let me know! Id be glad to listen and help all i can.
The problem is that Im terribly afraid of people now in social situations. It all feels like a game with rigid rules to socially survive the 20s. High school never felt like this bad. The anxiety disorder got significantly worse when I turned 18 and then social endeavors started feeling like a witches performing a ritual.
sounds like you’re an introvert struggling to fit in with extroverts and maybe need new friends. people don’t fit into alpha, beta, omega roles; it’s a myth that people who think their alphas like to spread so you’re not a failure for not fitting in with people like that. You don’t have to rush to find the right woman or be uber successful; you’re only in your 20’s and there’s no specific age you have to have all your shit together. If you really don’t like these ‘friends’, then get new ones.
My man, don't aspire to be a douche. Douches are the fucking worst. Douchebags do well with women in their teens and twenties because women (read: girls) that age are just as stupid.
For every Instagram whore out there hooking up with guys like your friend there's a cute, respectable and funny girl who's more in your wheelhouse and who could actually make you happy. As you age, you'll see your friend will be set in his habits and won't be able to have a decent girlfriend. He'll be dating dummies, sluts, girls with daddy issues and other undesirables. You're already ahead of him.
What do you want, to hook up with some girl you're going to end up liking a lot due to her beauty (which is really perhaps more to do with getting high fives from your friends) and then worry all day and night that she isn't with you because she's probably being hit on (successfully) by someone like your buddy? Fuck that. Nightmare.
Just to be clear, to me a douchebag is someone who acts like he's hot shit and thinks he's in a rap video or something. A guy who thinks women are subhuman and only good for tits and pussy. That's a fucking HORRIBLE way to think. Almost everything that's wrong with the world can be attributed to people who think like that about everything. It's called narcissism. "Everything is here for my enjoyment." No, it's not, cockface. You're no better than anyone else, and until you really REALLY realize that, you're a piece of shit. (I'm talking to the hypothetical douchebag.)
You’re certainly not the only one who feels this way. I was never into that kind of life either. I’m not interested in going out and getting drunk or hooking up with people either. Never was. It seems like most people our age (I’m mid twenties) are all about that. It makes me feel like I don’t belong. I’m glad I’m not alone. Being a girl I can’t relate to the whole “alpha male” thing, but that’s certainly not how I think about men. Those guys who like going out drinking a lot and hooking up are going to get girls that like drinking a lot and hooking up. If that’s not the kind of life you’re interested in, then you probably don’t want a girl that’s into that either. You’ll be much happier with someone that values the same kind of things that you do. It sounds to me like you’re getting jealous of a life that you don’t even want I’ve been guilty of that before too though
I am sorry you are going through this, and I do have to agree with most of the other posters, Your friends are Dogs and you are not. When I was in my twenties I had a friend that was smooth with the ladies. We'd go out to the country bar and he'd hitch his pony to some filly almost all the time. Me not so much,I wasn't much into the bar scene. I didn't drink and drive and I wasn't into one night stands. I was a fish out of water, I was insecure, and women pick up on that. Now that was in the 80s ,fast forward to now. My friend has been divorced four times and is currently shacking up with someone. My wife and I just celebrated our 34th anniversary this past August. Ain't nothing wrong with you son, your just riding in the wrong rodeo. In other words stop trying to be someone you're not, and start being you.
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