I'm a older millennial. Born in the '80s. Childhood from the 80s -2001. During this time period, motherhood was broadcasted to kids and teens as a woman duty. But since our mothers and grandmothers worked so hard for career freedom, there was a road of happiness for us to walk into motherhood with ease. It was a lie sold, but us millennials did not realize it until the babies were crying, and we were going crazy mentally with a fake smile.
I don't think I'm depressed, hit with reality of this motherhood prison sentence I gave myself. I love my career. I love my hobbies, but children has lessened my joy in my self growth. much on the plate to handle, and I'm forced to eat everything on the plate.
I don't think motherhood is for everyone. I don't enjoy kids slowing me down in the morning. knowing I have a boss take a note every time I walk in the office late. I don't like the fight at night putting kids down to bed, knowing I need to be up early in the morning. The list goes on and on of the things that make my life miserable and it's all connected to motherhood. Facts.
Bottom line: the things that I want to do in my life, motherhood slows it down (motherhood takes all the energy there's nothing left, you keep pushing but every time you push back its full of miserable mentally and physically. Some days are better than others. But you're continuously reminded of the hard job at hand.
Motherhood and self care /career is "conflict of interest". Both need your attention at the same time, but you only have one mind one body.
Right now, my house is a junk mess 2 months of not cleaning because I'm exhausted after working. The exhaustion is a buildup, starts with the morning routine with kids, child Care drop off and pickups, working 8 to 9hours, feeding them, listening to all the whining and fighting. And the yelling of mommy mommy mommy, drowning out my own thoughts. All I have left at night is to lay down, I'm not cleaning my house, I'm in bed wishing I could call off from work tomorrow or run away simply disappear.
Yes I'm a single mom, and people like to say it's because you are a single mom, sorry to tell you, women with husbands take on the full grunt of children. The husband runs off to work in the morning the woman wakes up dealing with kids and getting her self to work.
The husband's grew up with the same lie, women were made for the grunt work and to hold careers and smile. The millennial generation.
Motherhood is not for me, but I'm here now. Keep moving as a mom until waving goodbye while I pull away from their college dorms.
My joke is: I'm in Parent Prison for 18 years, until I'm paroled out to live my life again.
I bet the divorce rate went higher when women went into the career world full Force. Because I'll tell you, having a career and being a full-time mother creates a lot of tension with self and life.
My Truth, I wouldn't have kids if I knew the true difficulties. If you're about career ambitions, self-interest, having kids is not for you. It's a huge battle between your life fulfillments and raising kids.
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LifeInterrupted
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Hi and thank you for your honesty in your post. 👍It seems life is throwing you a few curve 🥎 balls at the moment.Your mental and physical energy seems to be on the low side.
What you have described is burnout.
I am a big believer in 3 things:-
1. Having a complete physical health check with your doctor to rule out any physical cause of low energy.
At this appointment also mention what you have posted (maybe take printout). This gives your doctor the complete picture.
2. Checking in with your boss to see if you can change your work hours, e.g. negotiate a later start time or ask for a few days of reduced hours for the purpose of catching up at home (maybe instead of taking leave or bring it foward).
3. Check if your employer had an employee assistance program (EAP). The EAP is a free confidential service for employees to discuss anything that is happening at work or at home. I find this time is so worthwhile, especially since I like you don't have the luxury of someone at home.
Thanks for your point of view and advice. If it's burn out. it happens every 4 months. I can go go and every 4 to 5 months, it's a continuous cycle of frustration, exhaustion, and misery.. but every weekend I'm hiding in my room why the kids tear up the house. Lol
There's a lot of things that I need to do. Get a better home routine. My job has worked with me, by allowing me to cut my lunch shorter to come in 30 minutes later in the morning.
I am going to seek therapy. I have a least 13 more years of children under my roof before they go off to college.
Motherhood is not for everybody, I rather work two jobs and run after my ambitious then parent kids. I love my kids, so I parent unhappily.
Saying this for people who don't have kids yet. Think about your desires, career, hobbies, self care, and maybe kids may not fit into that lifestyle. if so, you will be over worked daily.
Don't believe the superwoman image sold, a woman working with kids on you back and smiling while doing so.
You aren’t describing something that is unique to millennials. Life didn’t go backwards for millennials. They actually moved forward. That isn’t what women fought for throughout the 60s and 70s. It is not how I grew up and I have 15 years on you. The whole point of roe and other rulings was choice over your body (not just reproductive but in every way)
On the practical…Knowing what you know now I would take physical steps to ensure you do not get pregnant again. Because the rules really have gone backwards now. Sounds dramatic but maybe where you are living isn’t the most supportive. That is reality. Getting pregnant at 45 ish and you can’t legally do anything about it? Nope…do not take that chance!
There are some nonprofits that you may consider joining for working mothers. Some are just professional groups where you can get career guidance and support. I read of one where mothers actually help each other with child care so others get a break. I did have a friend who raised 3 boys and her career did suffer unfairly. I know it is tough. I met some smart mothers last week who were building their careers after their kids were old enough. There is support waiting. It isn’t really 18 years because they become more self sufficient in their teens. They have more independent activities and can help with chores. Maybe that helps?
I don't think anything in my post said I'm having anymore kids. And your referencing 45 years, has nothing to do with my post. So it was kind of rude to say "don't have any more kids". I'm not, point of the post learning by experience.
And you miss my point, millennial generation grew up on the terms of super mom with a career, all smiles and fairy tales, images of women fighting to have it all. but nobody added the reality touch to the image.
I didn’t say you were planning on it and literally did not say “don’t”. It is not an attack or presumption. I’m being real because what we (x and millennials) took for granted as a right is no longer a right. Women have to be very aware the law does not protect women and careers and being single whether you code it or not. I’m very serious about protecting yourself no matter your beliefs and how you do it. There are many pregnancies that happen with protection. In certain states women are being prosecuted for miscarriage which is more common than you may know and more common as you age. Prosecuted. Let that sit.
Career and family… So did gen x. We were the “latch key” generation. It want all smiles..that is TV talking. It isn’t a millennial thing. Only difference is there are more of you. Economically things are worse which I empathize with but please don’t single out millennials on this point when it is not true. In point of fact there are more single, childless women than ever before—that is millennials. And before you write it… that is not blame either. Different places and families have different norms. Obviously I don’t know how much that is a factor.
If you want to compare which is silly.. when it comes to choice it is much harder for gen z and the next due to laws. There are teenagers first forced into pregnancy and now being forced into motherhood due to law changes and economic circumstances. Chances are good those kids will also grow up in poverty.
Im not trying to scare or insult you. But in honesty you should be worried about the current climate.
Thanks for your words.. but I was inventing about what I'm going through in motherhood, and what I see other women my age group going through in silence.
As far as reproductive health, and what's going on in society and court rulings, that's is sad to see. and shocking. but this post wasn't about pro life or pro choice.. but your comments will be helpful to others.
It isn't but since you are struggling with raising kids and working I thought it was important to bring up... we need to look out for each other more than other.
These are the type of conversations that should happen out in the open, so teens and young women will know the reality of motherhood and life, instead of the fairy tale sold.
Thank you for sharing. Reading your post I can understand how you feel overwhelmed. Motherhood is a job in itself. You are right about that and having a full-time makes it hard to have time and balance everything. There is a saying, it takes a village to raise a child. I believe that is true. For your house, have you thought about looking into hiring someone to clean it once in awhile? There may be teens or others who could help with that. Also, churches have support groups to help single mom's. You are right self-care is so important. You can't be good for others, if you don't care for yourself first. Do you have any family or friends who may be able to help with the kids, so you can have alone time to recharge your batteries? Here is an article (bit.ly/3afBWrf) you might find helpful. Motherhood can be overwhelming, but focus on the things you do treasure about being a mom. I know changing my focus when I feel overwhelmed truly helps. The more we think about what we don't like about being a mom, the more we believe that. But if you can list the things that are good and special about being a mom and focus on that, then our beliefs change. I will be praying for you my friend. Hang in there. Hugs and God Bless
I am glad things are going better. Yes, there will be ups and downs as a parent, but the more you focus on the ups; the more life can be a blessing and enjoyable. I will continue to pray for you. And if you ever need someone to chat with or vent feel free to pm me. Hugs and God Bless
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Depressed Working mom
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