Suicidal

[Lovedogs0877]

I'm so depressed and my social anxiety has never been this bad ever. Due to heavy smoking it has now cause severe skin sagging on my face. It literally looks like my whole face just fell off. I'm humiliated when I go outside of my apt. I'd rather die than be humiliated in such horrific ways. Ppl stop in their cars and stare at me in disgust. They stare for like a minute. It's causing me so much horrific anxiety and extreme pain. I can't live like this another second. I can't find a single person going thru this kind of humiliation and rejection. I can't even explain the pain caused by ppl being nonstop evil. Plus I deal with 8 disabilities that destroy me daily. I doubt anyone knows how this feels cause I see everybody with lots of ppl who love them. Even family ignores me and I'm worthless and useless. I was born only to go thru extreme pain and torment. It's been this way for 49 years. I just wish it would all stop but it's getting worse. I'm sorry I just needed to get off my mind. Thanks to all of you who've been kind in the past. Haven't been on here for a long time!

[AlexFlorida]

Lovedogs0877, please know that you’re a special person & GOD loves you. I want to be your friend as well and I think you’re beautiful just how you are. Please don’t feel alone. Many of us have serious problems as well but we need to be there for one another. I’m here for you and I think you’re beautiful

[Lovedogs0877 in reply to AlexFlorida]

Thanks that means a lot. I'm trying to deal with it but ppl are so evil towards me. I don't say or be mean to anyone so it's just hard for me to understand why ppl insist on being horrible to me. All I can do is deal with this in silence. Thanks for your kind words Alex🙂🙂

[Agora1]

Hey pretty lady...When we feel bad about ourself, we project that feeling. I doubt thatpeople passing by in a car have nothing better to do than to stare at you. You see dear

you already have that on your mind when you open the door to go out.

Have you tried a smile, which makes our eyes twinkle and can make others feel better

about themselves. We all need that positive recognition. Everyone is so grumpy and

miserable looking now a days that it's nice to see someone (like yourself) smile back at them.

People have always stared at me throughout my life. For the longest time, I would get upset

and want to say "Why don't you take a picture, it lasts longer" But found up over the years

what would that prove. Would it help me?? Of course not and then I started to smile whenever I caught someone looking at me. Surprisingly, I got a smile back and if I didn't

I didn't make it upset me. (because I didn't know what troubles that person may be going through.

Maybe we are memorable in a good way. xx

I'm so happy to see you back on. You know how much you are loved and cared for

on this site. This is your safe haven to come to. Like I've often said...the door is always

open and the light is always on. From my heart to yours Lovedogs xx

[Lovedogs0877 in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora1!!!! 👋 I always smile each time you write. Your such a dear friend. Ppl get me so down and depressed that I'm not having good thoughts whatsoever. I've been so full of rage everyday and have no way to get rid of it. If I have to go somewhere ppl actually do stare. Like it took me everything I had to walk to a park close to me and I always get the most evil stares. These two jerks stared me down and as I walked back around they moved or left. They gawked mean stares then looked away then stares again. I went out in dark twice in one night and instead of this jerk driving like normal he sat there until I got passed then drove away. I've got severe social anxiety as it is and if I go outside I start crying my eyes out. If you smile at someone here they hate me instantly. Plus I've lost more teeth so I do like a monster and complete freakshow. I look opposite of what I used to look like. I'm just horrified when I look in mirror. I'd rather die Agora1. I hate being a downer but all I ever do is ball my eyes out like I'm doing now. Life is so beyond painful. My own family treats me less than human. I've come to realize recently that my mom is a narcissist and has told whole family how to treat me. Now that's killing me in a huge way. Knowing family has never ever truly cared I'm here. Everything is crashing down on me and I cannot take constant pain and nothing else. I'm sorry Agora1 I'll stop writing. It's hopeless cause even everytime I try to get better I get beat down by ppl including family. I apologize for being such a downer. I wish I had any reason to live but there is nothing. Hugs to you and the beautiful things you wrote!!! I always appreciate you!!!

[Agora1 in reply to Lovedogs0877]

Dear friend, it's time for listening to Affirmational Meditation to affirmwho you are. The exterior part of who we are deteriorates after time and

what is left is the real you. The kind, loving person we grew to care about,

to respect.

True ugliness is about those who disrepect life, who hurt the innocent.

The kindness of your heart has shown through over the years and anyone

who doesn't get to know the real you is missing out.

Have you ever browsed through YouTube when feeling down about yourself?

Young people just starting their lives, burned in a fire, hurt and becoming paraplegic

through an accident and those born w/o limbs. It is the strength of those facing

horrific issues that can give us a sense of direction. We can't spend our lives thinking

"oh poor me". There is a reason we are here, to love and be loved. To learn from others as well as teach one another life is so worth living. I care xx

[Lovedogs0877 in reply to Agora1]

Agora1, I appreciate what you wrote that was soooo kind. I'll try your suggestions to see if it helps. I just wished I had 1 reason to live. I also contacted Nami here in Las Vegas. I registered with them and checked to hopefully get accepted into their Tuesday midday video meeting. I'm horribly terrified. My social anxiety is severe and I'm scared beyond belief. All I can do is try that suggestion someone suggested on Facebook. I thank you for your kind and inspiring words!!! Hope you have a beautiful rest of the day🙂🙂

[Shattered808]

I’m not religious, definitely spiritual. This song got me through some really hard times. Thought I’d share with you.

youtu.be/LjF9IqvXDjY(Not working as expected?)

[Agora1 in reply to Shattered808]

Shattered, thank you for sharing a beautiful song with words ofhope. xx

[Lovedogs0877 in reply to Shattered808]

Thank you! That was a great song. Balled my eyes out. Thanks for sharing❤

[metalminded]

You are a beautiful person! We all see ourselves as less than what we really are.

[Lovedogs0877 in reply to metalminded]

I'd send a pic of how bad I look but so embarrassed. I haven't taken a shower but I'll try to see if I can send one in private message soon. Your a beautiful soul too! Always love chatting.

[metalminded in reply to Lovedogs0877]

You too!!

[Zhangliqun]

I guarantee that there are people who look far worse than you, yet they don't think much about it and are generally pretty happy. On the other side of town is a cemetery holding the remains of beauty queens who died by their own hand before they were 25.

Ponder why that might be...

[anonymous_on_here]

Everything will be fine! Don't worry