in my twenties i could work, thirties part time & then got v sick. I chose not to have kids as i was worried that i wouldn’t have the energy to look after one. i didn’t want my potential kid to miss out on things because i didn’t have the energy. also financially- as i can’t work, i didn’t want the child to be poor.
now i’m in 40’s and feel a void. i do voluntary work & have a pet. I just feel so much grief. my body won’t let me have kids- also with eds there can be complications.
whenever i argue with friends- a few have said i’m selfish. but i’m really not & am v kind to people.
does anyone else live with this void?
i am pretty sure i made the right decision about having no children as my body gets injuries so easily.
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friendly34
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Hey, you're not selfish at all; you're the opposite. You're thinking about your child even before you have a child. You would probably be a great mother if you did decide to have a child. I think people who have a child that isn't ready are the ones who are selfish. How can you be selfish when you do not have a child because you think you won't be able to give them your 100?
You are far from being selfish. Do what's best for you and what you think is right.
Hi I was going to say the same, I don't have children I am 58 and I have had the odd thought did I do the right thing just because I'm old now and missing out on company and family life, but I have a cat and if I'm very lonely when my mam dies I'll get a dog maby but I dont regret not having any really,I wasn't in the right circumstances when younger, I don't think I'd cope with the stress and worry now either in these troubled times I guess we just need to find other things pets etc to fill that void, my friend often says she wishes didn't have any as there such a worry take care contbay and friendly34🤗🐯
thanks Twinkly star- appreciate your reply. yes i am worried when my mum dies. But like you say, it wasn’t the right circumstances to have kids. animals are the best aren’t they. so lovely and healing. thanks xx
Oh bless he's lovely and what a big tongue to lick you with 😁my pixie licks me he sometimes gives a little nip too tho usually on my ankles when he waits for his meals 🐯 he learned not too tho and always licks to say sorry, 😻
Yes so yes I have had many years happy without children I have always had cats had 2 for 15 year's pixie is 8 I choose not to get another whilst he's here as I think one tends to leave themselves out pixie needs sole attention 😻
Pixie is like Baby as she needs to be an only cat as well!
in reply to
Pixie needs super glue so he doesn't have to keep following me around running up down stairs etc he's stuck like glue to me 😸smoked haddock for tea I'll give him.a bit washed and out water on it as it's salty Hel only have a bit he will get his tin meat first then a taiste when I have mine he will go out while I cook hope you are both well, i have 3 house viewers tomorror I thought the last one would buy it but she brought her mam round on the 3rd viewing and started picking out stuff like no coving in extenshion only one plug in back bedroom no internet, I said well I'll get a better price now I've heard from the council they are sorting out moving the bus shelter in few weeks she said how long have I got to decide I said a few weeks well they said there restructuring bus routes and some more will be getting put on so once they find a suitable stop to move mine too if possible will be moved, it's just more waiting, well enjoy your bank Holliday off work we will have a little party 😸
in reply to
Today I had to wait 3 hours on the phone on and off to sort out a doctors appointment and my sister in law said it was ridiculous!
I have enjoyed a few days holiday over the weekend and back to work tomorrow and Wednesday and then the jubilee weekend the rest of the week.
Baby is great and has enjoyed her fish this afternoon and sends her regards to Pixie!
It was horrendous though trying to get through on the phone this morning but I got there eventually but I was so frustrated though to the point of tears but thankfully that's done now and hopefully I won't have to do that again for a long time now!
This afternoon I picked up my medication from the chemist and that's another thing I don't have to worry about how for a little while!
"whenever i argue with friends- a few have said i’m selfish. "
That doesn't make any sense to me. I'm kinda wondering where your "friends" are coming from.
I think that you doing volunteer work is great. We need more people helping others out there. I try to do the best that I can too, but I know that I am far from perfect.
thanks. i think if anything it is my so called friends getting defensive about being called out on their bad behaviour & they have lashed out at me instead.
Your not ☺️ I get the fear and i understand . Even though i am 18 i told my mom when i grow up i don't want children due to my health issues too its your decision and your choice and if people hate that or dislike that decision they are not worth your time
You are not being selfish!! Everyone is different, there is no right or wrong here! Nobody knows what is best for you more than you! I wish you all the best!!!!
Heck no! Just the opposite. You are considering very carefully if it is the right thing to do and putting the potential child before your own interests. Being child-less is always discriminated against by some groups. There is an instinct and culture expectation. I believe it is 40% of women who decide against children. They (we) aren’t regretting it believe me.
thanks- i always feel judged by my neighbours. they have no clue on how cfs/me can affect your body. yes it is discriminated against isn’t it. this is great to hear that you don’t regret not having kids- it gives me hope. thanks x
Yea... the discrimination is bad depending on where you live. Suburbia is especially bad. Just wait until to reach over 50 and have to deal with ageism! Fun times. Just so you know when your peers have kids and then tend to leave you out. Not intentionally but because their time is sucked up. It is good to seek out others with the same mindset. I have seen a meetup group in my area for like minded people. If you are into it Unitarian universalist is also supportive.
It's not selfish. It's the opposite. It's responsible. You know you're not in the best condition for children, the planet is dying, it's overpopulated. I also decided not to have children because that's the right thing according to me. I have mental and physical issues, i don't want to traumatize more generations even if i die alone. It's selfless...anti-selfish
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