in my twenties i could work, thirties part time & then got v sick. I chose not to have kids as i was worried that i wouldn’t have the energy to look after one. i didn’t want my potential kid to miss out on things because i didn’t have the energy. also financially- as i can’t work, i didn’t want the child to be poor.
now i’m in 40’s and feel a void. i do voluntary work & have a pet. I just feel so much grief. my body won’t let me have kids- also with eds there can be complications.
whenever i argue with friends- a few have said i’m selfish. but i’m really not & am v kind to people.
does anyone else live with this void?
i am pretty sure i made the right decision about having no children as my body gets injuries so easily.
Written by
friendly34
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
35 Replies
•
Hey, you're not selfish at all; you're the opposite. You're thinking about your child even before you have a child. You would probably be a great mother if you did decide to have a child. I think people who have a child that isn't ready are the ones who are selfish. How can you be selfish when you do not have a child because you think you won't be able to give them your 100?
You are far from being selfish. Do what's best for you and what you think is right.
"whenever i argue with friends- a few have said i’m selfish. "
That doesn't make any sense to me. I'm kinda wondering where your "friends" are coming from.
I think that you doing volunteer work is great. We need more people helping others out there. I try to do the best that I can too, but I know that I am far from perfect.
thanks. i think if anything it is my so called friends getting defensive about being called out on their bad behaviour & they have lashed out at me instead.
Your not ☺️ I get the fear and i understand . Even though i am 18 i told my mom when i grow up i don't want children due to my health issues too its your decision and your choice and if people hate that or dislike that decision they are not worth your time
thanks Twinkly star- appreciate your reply. yes i am worried when my mum dies. But like you say, it wasn’t the right circumstances to have kids. animals are the best aren’t they. so lovely and healing. thanks xx
You are not being selfish!! Everyone is different, there is no right or wrong here! Nobody knows what is best for you more than you! I wish you all the best!!!!
It was horrendous though trying to get through on the phone this morning but I got there eventually but I was so frustrated though to the point of tears but thankfully that's done now and hopefully I won't have to do that again for a long time now!
This afternoon I picked up my medication from the chemist and that's another thing I don't have to worry about how for a little while!
Heck no! Just the opposite. You are considering very carefully if it is the right thing to do and putting the potential child before your own interests. Being child-less is always discriminated against by some groups. There is an instinct and culture expectation. I believe it is 40% of women who decide against children. They (we) aren’t regretting it believe me.
thanks- i always feel judged by my neighbours. they have no clue on how cfs/me can affect your body. yes it is discriminated against isn’t it. this is great to hear that you don’t regret not having kids- it gives me hope. thanks x
Yea... the discrimination is bad depending on where you live. Suburbia is especially bad. Just wait until to reach over 50 and have to deal with ageism! Fun times. Just so you know when your peers have kids and then tend to leave you out. Not intentionally but because their time is sucked up. It is good to seek out others with the same mindset. I have seen a meetup group in my area for like minded people. If you are into it Unitarian universalist is also supportive.
It's not selfish. It's the opposite. It's responsible. You know you're not in the best condition for children, the planet is dying, it's overpopulated. I also decided not to have children because that's the right thing according to me. I have mental and physical issues, i don't want to traumatize more generations even if i die alone. It's selfless...anti-selfish
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Overwhelmed 
I feel I have let everyone down 😢
Am I Selfish For Thinking Like That?
Am I being insensitive?
I MUST let this out, I need Encouragement, I NEED to hear something POSITIVE 
