I've been struggling with severe depression and severe anxiety for a little more than a year now. The depression was becoming overwhelming and I finally started medications for it. Low dose of prozac to start, and hydroxyzine as needed for my panic attacks or when the anxiety starts to heighten. Trazodone to help me sleep because I was having such bad nightmares I would wake up in pain trying to wake myself up. Eventually I was hospitalized for SI. While there, my doses of all previously said medication were increased. I was watched to see if the dose from 20mg to 40mg of prozac wouldn't have any immediate severe side effects. I was discharged after 9 days, with the instructions to return with all my medications I own and to be discarded properly, since my plan was to OD.
In the present time, I'm still on 40mg of prozac, I've been prescribed buspirone 10mg twice a day, but I don't like it. I no longer take trazodone, and I only take hydroxyzine to fall asleep.
Anyways, I am going downhill again. I am isolating myself, I feel useless and such a burden. I am extremely picky and critical and I take it out on myself in overwhelming thoughts that cause me to panic. I become buzzed with anxious energy and I have to clean or fixate on something until I cry and breakdown. This anxiety to be perfect and do everything right and be outstanding... it affects me at work. To the point where I can't calm down. All I know is to go, go, go. Make my customers happy. Make my managers happy. Be a strong and supportive teammate no matter where I work. I don't set boundaries and I overwork myself. This makes me so exhausted. I'm so burnt out. The fixation everybody has around me with working to death, living just to make money, it's saddening. The anxiety has burnt me out so badly, my current issue is not being able to get out of bed or do anything. My body is so tired and my muscles have a deep ache all over my body.
Anyways.. i'm struggling to keep a job. Does anybody else struggle so badly with debilitating depression and anxiety that you cannot work?
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matchaislife
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Hey matchaislife - I experience this myself. This feeling of wanting to get everything just right so that everyone else is happy and the existentialism that comes with the 'whats the point' of all this. Within the last year, I've been asking myself the following questions when I take a bathroom break - what is going to make me happy right now? does that task NEED to be done now or can it wait? Am i completing this task because I need to/have to or is it a waste of time? who will this benefit the most? etc. Ive experienced this burnout out from always feeling like I need to be nice and happy and I myself am not even sure if its depression, burnout, sadness, existentialism, etc. It feels like so many of us value and chase money, as it is a priority and a means to afford the lives we live but when it becomes the central focus and priority and we lose sight of what's important then it makes everything else feel meaningless. At least to me. What at work will make YOU happy? What do you need to feel successful and proud at the end of the day? What will happen if you loosen the grip of the perfection pedestal you place yourself on? Can you try focusing on what you need to be happier at work instead of trying to make everyone else happy? It could make the experience of the work day less strenuous
Thank you, that was an incredible reply. I spend so much time in my head, yet I don't ask myself those questions that would possibly bring meaning back into my life.I deeply agree with you on your view of chasing money and the pressure to obtain as much of it as possible.
I want to feel more in this life.
I guess I want to be creative. The perfectionism anxiety stops me from actually enjoying the things that make me feel alive and like my own being.
As for work, I think I need to focus my mind on my passion for creation. I used to work in healthcare, but I prefer hospitality. I lost my job for calling out due to anxiety, but I absolutely loved my job. Even my last one that I just quit yesterday because of my anxiety. I am a barista and have cafe experience with desserts and hosting. But I love to create, especially with my latte art or designing bingsu (korean snow ice cream), dessert waffles, cookies, cupcakes, etc. I hyperfocus on my performance at work and need constant reassurance that I'm doing it "right" or it "looks okay". I doubt myself too much.
I need to take a step back and realize that I'm sabotaging the very thing I love to do and what makes me feel alive, because I'm too involved trying to make sure others approve of me. I shouldn't seek their approval. Creating makes me happy and I should not feel shame in it.
Thank you so much. I kind of went off the topic there, but you really got me to thinking. Thank you.
Yes!! I have experienced this to a detrimental point at my job just this past week. My doctor has me off work for a whole week. I had a spasm in my shoulder that was so painful, I couldn't sleep.
Why is life like this? I hate when people justify working yourself into an early grave. We have this one life and it's not right to spend it stressing out so much we can't even enjoy what little free time we have left!
Setting work boundaries is a great idea but difficult to execute, depending on your profession and personality. I'm sorry you've been struggling so badly.
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Feeling so alone at work. 
Why is going to work so scary
Trying to work up the courage 
Hard to care Hard to try 
