Pain: I have made myself sick in the... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Pain

Starrlight profile image
23 Replies

I have made myself sick in the past

Because of ptsd

And from my wrong doings

Because of him mainly

I can be free from the pain

But I won’t cause others pain like he did

We share the pain

Tell me when it’s time to be with you in heaven

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Starrlight profile image
Starrlight
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23 Replies
Sueislove profile image
Sueislove

????

Sueislove profile image
Sueislove

Hi not sure what you mean by this post can you explain ….. tell me when it’s time for you to be in heaven ?

ElephantsHear profile image
ElephantsHear

What’s going on Starrlight. It almost sound like a poem. Who is he?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toElephantsHear

Hi ElephantsHear. He is my brother❤️

melbrown profile image
melbrown

🫂💗

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply tomelbrown

❤️

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight

My brother killed himself and it really fucked me up I was already messed up to some degree. I would sabotage myself by making very poor choices and i still struggle with that and I just quit drinking this time I think for good I feelLike I don’t belong in this world.

Sueislove profile image
Sueislove in reply toStarrlight

I am so sorry my condolences my friend ! You have a heart of gold and are stronger than you think . Praying for strength and healing and hugs your way !🙏❤️

Survivor1687 profile image
Survivor1687 in reply toStarrlight

I've also lost my brother to a death that was ruled a suicide. It is not something I speak much about or share with many people and def is not something I ever want to have in common with anyone, but I can absolutely relate to everything you just said. I'm sorry for your loss and admire your courage & strength! 💜((hugs))

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toSurvivor1687

Survivor, thanks for sharing about your brother I know it’s hard to talk about so thanks for doing so as now I am less alone in it. I’ll always be here for you okay?

Survivor1687 profile image
Survivor1687 in reply toStarrlight

Here to support you too..💜 ((hugs)) It does help having someone who understands.

I hear you dear Starr. It hurts to read of your pain. You're right, you won't hurt your family that way. Remember, you are a brave, strong woman. Pain tries to to take it away. #$@!% him.

.

Ah, my Belovéd, fill the Cup that clears

Today of past Regrets and future Fears:

Tomorrow!--Why, Tomorrow I may be

Myself with Yesterday's Sev'n thousand Years.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toNothing_but_books

You are very beautiful my friend. Thank you!!! ❤️ I love the poem

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply toStarrlight

You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Every moment away from hurt is a better moment.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toNothing_but_books

True. Wise words that I hope to remember. I am so sensitive sometimes then I start hating myself then it turns to worse things if I don’t take care of it while it’s small snd fresh... something as simple as my son talking to me disrespectfully like he is my boss I’ll just say ok that’s him and let it go.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply toStarrlight

Your words go right to the heart of it for me.

I have trouble with confrontation myself.

Life has hurt me deeply and often. What I've done with that, is learned to do everything possible to avoid hurting others.

Sounds good, right?

Not so much. I act like a doormat. I don't know how to stand up for myself until things have gone too far.

Then I hate myself for taking all the crap, and I'm furious at the "perp".

Ka-pow, I lose it, and hate myself more.

The best part of our special forum, for me, is talking with someone who knows.

Gee I wish you didn't know about this stuff. It's no fun, and a hard routine to break.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toNothing_but_books

We have to stand up strong but when we can’t manage do not beat yourself up because it is the bully’s fault not yours, not mine.

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply toStarrlight

I'm nodding. I only just realized I better use words. 🤪

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toNothing_but_books

Haaaa you’re so funny!

Florida1959 profile image
Florida1959

Sweetie, I hear you , but that was his choice, you are a wonderful lady, and have lots to live for, congrats on the drinking, that’s my downfall xxx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toFlorida1959

(((((((((((( hug)))))))))))) ❤️

Thissucks37 profile image
Thissucks37

Aw. I know you are speaking of your brother. I struggle the same way. I have always been messed up but my kids helped ground me. Since my son died by suicide I have given up trying to get better. I’ve tried all the medication and every other thing that’s come my way. BUT I can’t do that to my family as I know the pain that survivors go through. You basically pass your pain on to them. So I suffer in silence and wait until my time is up. You have your children and they need their mama. 💕

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toThissucks37

I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what that is like. Yes let’s wait til our time is up. Write me any time

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