Physical pain vs Emotional pain

[Imstruggling1]

Why do I enjoy causing myself physical pain to mask the emotional pain I feel on the inside? I get tattoos and piercings to focus on something other than my emotional pain. I cut myself for the same reason. I’m told by my parents that there is something severely wrong with me because of all the tattoos I have and the fact that I like my piercings. Why do I bother trying to explain the pain I feel when it’s only dismissed by them? Why am I always trying to make them understand? When will I ever be enough for them? This pain I have is true and caused by many things that have happened to me and yet the people that are “supposed “ to be my biggest supporters only let me down and make me feel worse about myself. Blood does not translate automatically to those that help you, because oftentimes they are the ones that hurt you the most. Just rambling thoughts I have tonight.

[mom483]

Your cutting is a physical response to emotional pain. The reason you get tattoos is for the endorphin rush. there are natural ways to increase your endorphins without tattooing: healthline.com/health/how-t...

I learned far too late in life that the only person you can truly count on is yourself.

[Midori]

Why do you crave your parents' approval so much? Do you still live at home? Do you have to live at home?

You are an adult, no longer a child. Their approval is no longer needed. You are making your own choices, to get piercings, tatts and cutting.

The pain you have, was it caused by your parents? Or have they blamed you for something you were not in control of?

Ultimately, the only one you can rely on is yourself. See your Doctor and ask for help. I don't live in the States, so I don't know how your system works with regards to therapists etc.

This is a community of people who also have depression of some sort. We are a supportive bunch, so let us try to help.

Cheers, Midori

[Imstruggling1 in reply to Midori]

I was hospitalized for my mental health then lost my job and my home. I had nowhere else to go but to move in with my parents. I fought to get disability pay and was just awarded it. My parents have always belittled me and told me I’m a failure, I’m stupid, I’m fat, etc. My whole life I’ve craved their approval, even though I know I will never get it. I don’t know how to stop that. I was sexually abused as a small child (not by them) and when I finally found the courage to tell them I was told it happened a long time ago and to just get over it. I’ve been in therapy for awhile now and am trying to work through all my past traumas as well as how to survive in my very toxic home life. In the states it’s difficult to find housing with a limited income and poor credit but I’m trying. One of the hardest choices to make is to cut yourself off from family. I’m not in a position to do so based on the fact I have to live with them. My brother treats me the same way as my parents do and I have no one else to turn to.

[Midori]

That is a shame that your parents and brother gaslight you, It does nothing for anybody's mental health to be told things like that all the time.

Do you have any friends at all? I'm quite at a loss where best to go, except perhaps a women's refuge. Your parents and brothers actions towards you definitely point towards abuse, and if you could get away you might be able to get to see a therapist, until you could get something sorted out. At least you wouldn't be homeless. I believe some lawyers work pro bono for Women's shelters, it's worth a try.

Cheers, Midori

[Imstruggling1]

Thank you for your kind words. It truly means a lot to me. They friends I had have either died or I have isolated myself to the extent I push people away and don't let anyone get too close. I've looked into abuse agencies but they only deal with women that are going through domestic abuse by their partners. I keep looking for affordable housing and maybe one day I'll be able to find a home for me