Another Day

[ScooterJoe]

It's Monday and I find myself in the same place--the same place as every other day of the week--in my recliner with no desire to move. I feed my pets after I get up and then here I am with no desire to move. The housework continues to go undone, cooking and laundry done only when there is no other resource for completion. It's like that link between knowing I need to or want to do it and actually moving to do it is broken. And saying just get out of that chair and do something is useless! I ask myself what has happened to me? I'm 71 years old, retired, married and with adequate income. These should be times of enjoyment, living but instead I'm that TV commercial of the woman holding the smiley face in front of her expression and pretending that everything is OK. I take antidepressants, have a mild muscle-related disease but am not disabled. I want to be alive before it's too late--why, why can't I???

[Agora1]

Hi ScooterJoe "I want to be alive before it's too late...why, why can't I ???"Somewhere deep down within you, you want to live and not just exist.

Each day that goes by is gone forever. We must learn to live in the moment

and that moment will take care of how we feel tomorrow.

Going from the bed to the couch/chair is a waste of our life. After a while, our

brain gets trained to do the same thing over and over but expecting a different results.

*It ain't going to happen...

It seems like you have a lot of positives going for you but tend to focus on the negativity

of your day. Depressing, for sure. You say you are on antidepressants but do you see a

therapist as well? Somehow you got off the main path of life and need someone to guide

you back on the right path at this time of your life.

Getting older should not impinge on the quality of our lives. Life is so precious that any

time we can say "good morning" to a new day, it's a blessing.

I wake up each day and say "I'm Back" and get excited about what this new day may hold

for me. Of course, it's not going to happen by itself, it needs my help. I find that accomplishing small tasks can give you a sense of pride and completion.

When we just sit there and do nothing but focus on all the things to be done around us,

how can we be happy. And so we pretend we are by putting on this "mask" of a smile.

(Which does nothing for our mind or body)

Baby steps need to be started so that you can go forward. You can enjoy each day.

Also check with your prescribing physician regarding the medication you are on. Maybe

it's not the right one for you anymore. You say you are married...what does your partner

think or do all day? Are they a motivator or downer? It's sad to see that you are not alone

but think and act like you are. Talk to us here on this safe site. Know that you are not alone

in needing motivation and a plan. I'm glad you are here with us. Happy Monday~ xx

[ScooterJoe in reply to Agora1]

Thank you--your analysis is so right. I just can't seem to find that motivator. Because I also have narcolepsy I take Nuvigil and have also been on Concerta and similar meds as well, but seem to be immune to ANY stimulant. My husband is a dear. He was an angel for me during 2 years of breast cancer but is a workaholic who is hardly ever still. I have been in many situations during my life that have caused me to adjust to being alone. I go to church and have friends I spend time with but am content with my own company. Pandemic lockdown was made for me! I'm glad I found people to talk with here who understand.

[Agora1 in reply to ScooterJoe]

Thank you ScooterJoe for your kind response.I feel for you. I do understand because I too am content with

my own company. I too, have seen no difference since the

Pandemic lockdown in how I live my life esp. after being

Agoraphobic for 5 years.

Medication can play a big part in our motivational issues.

I felt when I was on benzos, I was sleeping my life away. Once

I was weaned off, my life became clearer and I felt more alive.

How grateful you can be to have a wonderful husband who cares.

The downside is his being a workaholic which may make you feel

more alone. Not anymore dear.. Reach out and talk to the many

people on this site. Take what they use with a grain of salt and

discard the rest. The greatest thing is that we do understand.

The more important thing is that We Care xx

[TEN4]

Yep, that motivator malfunction is a big drag. I used to bounce out of bed excited to work on a project. Not my reality right now. Depression sucks! It’s not just in your mind, it’s a physical brain problem. I’m scheduled for a brain scan in a couple weeks to determine what part of the brain so it can be addressed specifically. Might not be the course you’d want to take, but taking care of your brain is so important. I’ll include a link for a brain health video below. To get things done, it does help me to do one thing. I may put a towel away, or clean off the table, or put a couple things away on the piano or anything. Just one thing or one area. After a week, that’s 7 things. Inch by inch it’s a cinch, yard by yard it’s hard. With just one area tightied up, it gives me a small sense of accomplishment. And that always feels good. Check this out and let me know what you think.

youtu.be/Jqmb_p8UVtM(Not working as expected?)

[A-American-Woman]

I an 57 & disabled with 24/7 head to toe chronic pain for 24 yrs & have severe depression & PTSD. I care for 2 elderly parents who BOTH have different dementias (they're in asst'd living & after 6 yrs are in their final stages, but it's taken EVERYTHING for me to care for them & no one helped!). I too do what must be done only when I have to, but now I go to bed for 2-3 days. I too have a nice home & no money worries, but I am almost at the end of a lifetime of nothing but suffering. I try to stay alive for my husband, who is older & is needing me more (as I have less to give) & has family who I know will care for him (they sure didn't me after almost 20 yrs of me loving them as my own). I just don't want to do ANYTHING! I can barely shower 2-3x's/wk, do makeup only & not always when I get out (something I used to do daily), don't care how I look or dress as I used to. Who cares how I look? No one. This world's a mess & not getting better & young people know nothing of how free we used to be. You spoke the same words I feel in my heart, soul & body. My pain is so bad ALL the time it now is like being tortured physically ALL the time & my depression gets worse with my pain. I tell myself just try, but I'm too tired & am just unable to anymore. I wish I could help, but I can't even help myself anymore. I did want to reach out & tell you someone understands your pain. I could (& used to) send you words of encouragement, but I know at our ages we've seen enough words. I have no one who cares that I am almost done with life. I just need to do my Will & donate everything to charity. Why should anyone get $$ when they cared not one bit about me? It'll go to yruly needy people I don't know. I will tell you to hang in there for today. If you cannot do anything, don't. The heck with everything & everyone. Be gentle with yourself. No guilt. You feel how you feel & that's life. Try to get thru today. I will if you will. Blessings.

[ScooterJoe in reply to A-American-Woman]

I wish I could be there to hug you. Even with Covid still there, we sometimes just need to FEEL the love. It is comforting, yet so sad, knowing that there are so many of us silently suffering. There should not be any 'throw away' people.