Please help. Am I just making this up like my therapist says?

[Ubud2021]

Possible Tw: mention of SH

I have depression. I’ve been on anti depressants since I was 8.

I’m going through huge life changes - my family wants nothing to do with me and is victim blaming me so I don’t even want to be associated with them either. They are extremely toxic and my mental health team sees that. So on top of normal depression, I told them what my grandpa did to me and they blame me. They tell me I cannot voice it and I should be ashamed. Normal victim blaming stuff.

But I have been incredibly depressed. My therapist always says “your swimming in your sh*t, just doing backflips” … okay I agree to some extent. But I have been reaching out, exercising, many crafts, meditation, going to multiple mental health groups, doing things I love. I ground myself multiple times a day. But I am now having extreme self harm urges. I am so depressed no matter what I do. But my therapist still insists I am “swimming in my sh*t”

At this point, I disagree. I love this therapist and have made he most progress I have in my life with any therapist. She is great. But this one thing, I cannot seem to shake. Am I really swimming in it? I am utilizing all my coping skills daily. But I still can’t seem to shake this depression. Advice? Help? Anything?

[Hidden]

Maybe she should give you nappies then since she feels you are ******** everywhere lol. Nobody will ever truly understand the troubles you have or are currently facing, because the troubles are yours not theirs, but guess what... you do! You understand them right? You know the truth and the universe knows it to. Being stuck on the same page wont allow for you to ever get on to the good stuff. In other words, constantly revisiting trauma will confuse your subconcious and not allow you to escape it. Its the law of attraction. To those that want to scapegoat you and belittle you probably do so because they see something in you thats lakcing in themselves. Keep trying your best, and when you slip up shake yourself down and go again. Dont forget to thank your former self for being strong enough to get through what it went through. Ask your present self to be strong enough to avoid similar situations and interactions that cause you to feel weak. A toptip for being in a toxic relationship is to stop reacting so dramatically and be aware of the moment they may something that makes you start to bubble. Dont react, speak slowly and assertively and change the previous narrative. We are creatures of habit and if you wish to change the habits of them and yourself then experiment with new ones and see what works best for you. Itll change their behaviours also.

[Ubud2021 in reply to Hidden]

Haha this made me giggle, thank you. It’s true that she doesn’t know exactly what I’m going through. And just because they have a masters degree, it doesn’t always mean they are right. They’re people too. But see when it comes down to it, it is up to me how I’m going to handle it and move forward. I guess I was hoping for something a little less hard… 🤣 anyway. Thanks for your reply. 🤍