I was sexually assaulted by a family member this weekend. He tried to rape me. Not only is this bad enough, but it brought back a repressed memory. I never really believed in repressed memories... how could something so significant from my past just be erased and now thrown back into my brain? This exact same man that attacked me on Saturday night also molested me when I was six years old. This is someone I have always loved and trusted.
I have never experienced something like this before so I do not know how to react... There are no guide books on this. It has sent me into a very deep depressive state and my anxiety is the highest I have ever felt. My body hurts, like it is trying to fight itself. I have not been to work all week, my fatigue is at a level 1000 so my one ton pound body just sinks into bed and since I'm unable to fight it I just fall asleep. Sometimes I'm not even to sleep. I want to, but my eyes just stay glued open. Nothing is interesting. Nothing sounds good- TV is uninteresting, food doesn't taste good.
My anxiety has basically taken control over me. I feel scared like I don't trust anyone or anything. My breathing is so heavy I get tunnel vision. My brain feels swollen.
So here I am now, I am researching and reaching out to get help. I am going to be seeing a therapist that specializes in sexual assault, I am allowing my body to grieve in any way it needs to. I guess my nervous system is a bit messed up from being in fight-or-flight. I do have a support system, my boyfriend. He is amazing and understanding and also researching how to help me. I cannot tell anyone else about my assault because it would completely destroy my family.
Has anyone else experienced a traumatic event that has caused a mental breakdown? What is the right way to go about healing? How do I get back to my normal happy self? Is it normal for my body to shut down? Is it okay for my mental health to be depleted?