Has anyone reached a point of giving up? Feeling lost, hopeless?

[Bookmama20]

Not sure what is up with me lately! I’ve been struggling a lot with my mental health! I thought I was doing good and then it was like someone flipped a switch!

My mood has tanked, I am more aware of how I fake being good, co workers have noticed I’m not my self! I feel like my head is a tornado of noise. Thoughts, irritation! I can’t even explain it! It’s like being in a room with a hundred different conversations! Just that noise, with no definition or clarity!

I’ve gained weight, which hasn’t helped, I am always craving sweets, which doesn’t help! I am tired all the time! Very slow at work which isn’t helping! I have no motivation for even the basics! Getting up, being a productive adult, eating, showering! Just want to hide in my room!

I’ve missed a lot of work since January just because I can’t handle it! The sitting around, annoying co workers who do the same annoying thing day in and day out! My eyes are getting a great workout from all the rolling they do!

I spoke with both my psych nurse and therapist to write me out of work for a few months so I could get my act together! Neither would! I’m spinning, completely lost on what to do, where to go, who to see! It’s a little freaky to be honest! I feel like a top that spins aimlessly!

I’ve battled depression and anxiety for 40 years out of my 50 yrs! I’ve NEVER asked to be written out! Even 5 years ago when my world was tossed in a blender on purée for a few years! I’m tired, my body, my mind, my souls all of it just tired! Add in hormones too! Tired of being strong, tired of putting on a mask for everyone, tired of taking care of everyone and nobody doing the same! I have no real friends that I hang out with! My daughters,nieces and sis in law don’t really count. My best friend lives in MS, I’m in RI. It’s lonely, I’m lonely! My husband works 12 hour days. When he is off he just wants to rest which I totally get!My girls are adults, 22&20, with jobs, school, boyfriends, and my youngest also is a dancer! I’m trying to get used to the fact they don’t need me as much!

I feel completely out of control of my own life! It’s scary as hell! My Psych nurse did recommend me to a Partial Hospitalization Program at our states psychiatric hospital! I start on Tuesday! I’m nervous, hopeful, a little excited! I just want to feel normal without feeling like I’m numb! I want the noise in my head to just stop! Wow! I am just a mess! Just wanted to see if anyone else has gone through or is going through something like this!

[Blue_81]

Hey Bookmama, I have been experiencing a similar situation. I have more days than bad. When I have a really good day, I start to have hope that everything is changing for the best. The next day I come crashing down but harder. Dont know why since the previous day was good. This ailment is like how you described it, “switch “. Sorry you are going through this. Yesterday I had to miss work because it was too much to handle. Honestly, Just wanted to stay in my room all day. I did manage to get up and go walk and spent time at the park. It did make it better. Hope today goes better for you. Im here to chat if needed.

[jackiesj]

hi bookmamma20, you are not alone. so they wouldnt let you off work yet they will do a temp hospitalization...just didnt make sense to me except a rest sure would be nice.your sensativities seem like all around is crowding you. Is there another job to apply for that may be less invasive?

[Bookmama20 in reply to jackiesj]

Yep! Pretty much, even though work has a lot to do with my anxiety! I’m hoping they’ll be more sympathetic at the hospital! I work in another state(30-35 min away). I am looking for a work from home or even closer and not manufacturing! A lot of openings want degrees or years of experience! So if I can get time out or not I’ll take some courses!

[Booksbeaches]

i feel the same i dont even want to go for help. been through therapy, i feel like it wont help. i am so sick of feeling like this

[Bookmama20 in reply to Booksbeaches]

So sorry I am just seeing this! I’m not sure what your situation is but definitely reach out for help! Maybe see if they have programs like the one I’m in. One week in and I feel a difference, a major one! That feeling you’ll never get better or feel better does suck! But there has to be something that will help! Don’t give up! As I learned in group was Be Your Own Advocate! It’s true we need to relearn that!

[Hidden]

Yes, you came to this place where I’m sure a lot of people on here are feeling the same way!!!

[Bookmama20 in reply to Hidden]

Exactly! Sometimes I come to vent hoping that someone who is or has gone through it responds just so I know I am not crazy or losing it!