Coping with a dear friend's anxiety/depression

[emmi331]

I have GAD and have been through anxiety and depression myself, including last year - when I posted here and received such kind responses. I am much better now.

My dear friend, "Alice", who is in her 60s, has suffered depression on and off all her adult life, and usually medication helps. For the past several months, though, anxiety has been added to the problem and she is suffering horribly. She committed herself for observation at a local mental health center the weekend before last. Following that she was put in an outpatient program there and has been there for a week and a half. Since then, I think she is worse. There is no talk therapy, no one-on-one with a therapist at all except to check her meds, which have been tweaked or added to several times since she's been there. She wants everything to work right away, which of course is usually impossible, and if she were in her right mind, she would know this. Like me, she is a recovering alcoholic who has never had a pill addiction, though I was able to take Xanax just fine during my worst period. Nothing like this has been offered to her.

Right now Alice seems almost dysfunctional from raging anxiety - can't drive, can't complete a sentence, and is almost incoherent. She says she is terrified all the time.

She told me she will probably be unable to go on a yearly beach trip next week with another friend and me. My heart aches for her, and I feel so powerless. I also am afraid that this is impacting my own peace of mind because I identify with much of what she is going through. Fortunately she has a husband who is kind and supportive, but I feel sorry for him, too, right now.

How can I myself be supportive of Alice and still "detach with love?" I am ready to cry myself. How I miss her humor and booming laughter.... She is a shell of what she was several months ago. She knows I will always "be there" for her, but right now I need some advice on how to deal with a beloved friend going through this pain without taking the pain on myself. When my friends hurt, I hurt.

Thank you for reading....

[bethelbee]

Glad your friend has been getting some help and and also has a supportive husband! Just let her know you are there for her, check in periodically. You can do that without getting too involved so it doesn't have an impact on your own mental health.