im so tired.

[iamyukii]

i don’t understand what’s so wrong about me? everyone or anything just ticks me off and gets me so irritated. i wish i was happier like i was before everything. someone can say something in even the slightest way and suddenly im either angry or balling my eyes out. im just tired. i want to feel better about myself and be in a good mood for most of the time. it’s just hard and exhausting feeling this way.

[Hidden]

Hi. I'm so sorry it's hard. I see you're fairly new, so welcome! I'm having a hard time myself, so you're not alone.

[Otaku12]

I used to get angry all the time, especially with my dad, for some reason everything he did just ticked me off. Fortunately, these past few years haven't been so bad. I definitely think therapy has helped me a lot because before therapy I'd just bottle up all my emotions inside and then the slightest thing would set me off and I'd spill out all those negative emotions. A few months ago I also started on an antidepressant. I'm really not a fan of medications, I hate the whole trial and error of finding what works and then any side effects the meds might cause. However, I was feeling really miserable and crying almost everyday. I finally decided to give meds another try (I was on Lexapro about 15 years ago and it wasn't helpful in the slightest so that was a major cause for my hesitation of meds). I first tried Prozac and it actually helped lift my mood but I felt like it was also dulling my emotions so I switched to Zoloft and it has made a significant difference in my depression. I actually feel happy a lot of the time, I mean the depression is still there, but the overwhelming doom and gloom is gone. I'm also not crying everyday, but I still have emotions. No real negative side effects either except for maybe an increase in my acne.

Other than seeing a therapist and meds, have you tried journaling or meditation? Are there any hobbies that make you happy? With your profile picture and your username, I'm going to guess you're a fan of anime. I'm also a fan and whenever I feel like crap I find a good show to watch and it helps me to feel a bit better. I've also started to learn Japanese because doing something productive also helps my mood.

I hope you can find a way to feel less irritated, even if it means screaming into a pillow (I have gone that route and it does help a bit). I'm always here to chat!

[iamyukii in reply to Otaku12]

hey ! thanks so much for the response. i've been trying to find the right psychiatrist but so far, nothing. i'm not giving up on trying though, i definitely need some help. i've tried both of what you said but i had a really bad experience with both so i never did it again sadly.

i'm definitely a fan of anime/manga. funny that you say you started learning japanese because i recenlty started taking up on learning japanese as well lolll. it really does help with something productive. i sometimes watch anime but i prefer reading manga.

thank you for your suggestions though, i appreciate it!

[Otaku12 in reply to iamyukii]

It is difficult finding the right psychiatrist, I've tried quite a few over the years. I finally found one that I like, but I only found her because my mom works at the same place. It really depends on your location for how many options you have, but there is telehealth now which opens a bit more options. I actually do telehealth and I really like it, it's so convenient to not have to drive anywhere, plus I get to stay in my pjs. 😊

[Reading_Rando in reply to Otaku12]

I want to jump in on this awesome weeb bandwagon, and say that I love that there is a place on the internet where weebs like us can talk about their feelings and mental health. Their needs to be a shoujo anime/manga about this.

P.S. Also studying Japanese...again 😂

[Otaku12 in reply to Reading_Rando]

Have you seen Honey and Clover, Fruits Basket, or Orange. All three of those animes have a lot of mental health aspects to them. I would like to see more mental health animes though because it is so prevalent around the world, including Japan.

[Reading_Rando in reply to Otaku12]

I am aware of all three but have never read/watched any of them. Its also an oldie but I think Revolutionary Girl Utena is pretty good and has some mentel health ascpects too (a personal favorite in shoujo). Although the ultimate anime about mental health is Haibane Renmei. The whole show is about *trigger warning* suicide and self forgiveness.

[Otaku12 in reply to Reading_Rando]

I've heard of Revolutionary Girl, but not Haibane Renmei, I'll have to check those out. I've never been suicidal, thank goodness, so I can handle pretty much any mental health aspects. Thanks for the recommendations!

[Hidden]

Oh my goodness I couldn’t relate more! Trust me you’re not alone. I get so annoyed with myself for acting this way. I’m tired of being tired. Having a mental illness is exhausting.

[Hatelife34]

I sorry hear that I feel the same after being raps I just get so irritated and angry at everything and I just cry all the time idk how to feel happy again and I am here for u

[epiman]

I am so sorry you are feeling so awful, but wow can I related. I feel terrible and am just exhausted. I really don't want to do much of anything, but I know I have to stay productive. I've been feeling very lonely as I havent see a lot of my friends recently. I just hope and pray I will feel reasonably ok again someday without meds but that may not be possible