Double standarts, betrayal and loneliness

[Against_the_current]

I went outside to throw out the rubbish. I saw some neighboir and he told me dad's buying land and planting stuff. I got angry. He said "i shouldn't have told you". I said "well, someone has to tell me" and he defended dad. I feel so bad. Who gives a damn about me? As If dad has spares money and time to buy land. And i'm sure it's the goddamn stepmother. She's agronomist. And imagine If mom finds out. And yet dad has rights to do whatever he wants, buy land, create life, but i have no right to be upset. He didn't even tell me. I found out from the neighboir. And the neighboirs are at his side. Like in my nightmares. I'm just insane and dad has all the rights. Double standarts. I'm an adult too. And i'm not doing anything. I'm just feeling my feelings. Just torturing only myself. He's the one with action. I feel so betrayed.

[TrustYourSoul]

Gerard on this site just posted this. It is good for You, and helped me.💜

Keep thinking about this message. It will help

[MaggieSylvie in reply to TrustYourSoul]

ooooh yes!

[hypercat54]

Why are you upset at your father buying land? I don't get it. It's his money and surely he can spend it where he wants?

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

Because there would be no time for me and sis and because he told my neighboir, not his, and not me or anyone else

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

I don't see why he will have no time for you and your sister. He can tell who he wants and spend his money as he wants. He doesn't owe anybody any explanations. Do you think there he had an ulterior motive for telling your neighbour and not his own? It sounds like he knew how you would react so was avoiding telling you.

You are what 22/23? It's time you got your own life as you have been legally an adult for at least 4 years now and as such you can do as you choose. Just like your father can.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

21

[MaggieSylvie]

Think of it this way: if, as you say, your father has no money, it must be "the stepmother" who has bought the land (are women not allowed to buy property in Bulgaria?). If your father was not living with her, the purchase by this woman would surely mean nothing to you. It's not the purchase of land that is really bothering you, is it? You are still smarting from your father leaving and the arrival of a baby. Anything he does will be a trigger to your emotions - which, incidentally, you are allowed to have. They are yours and are absolutely legitimate. They are what they are, as they say.

This thing is not going to go away and you will suffer for years if you don't find a way to protect yourself. Moving away is clearly not possible while you are studying, but if you can mentally "move away" somehow, or even get out of the area as often as you can, and study, study, study, you may be able to ease some of this pain.🤗

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

But how does she has money? She's not working because of the baby and she's a student like me. The thought of him buying her land upsets me

[MaggieSylvie]

Ah - so more information. She is a student. But perhaps she has money she earned before or it's an inheritance. Perhaps they have borrowed the money, perhaps the land was very cheap.

I can empathise with how you feel about this, but unless you ask your dad, you will never know (unless you rely on the gossip from neighbours). This information - and the questions it raises - is triggering you. Do Not Quit has posted something that will help but you have to put work into it. Consider that how you deal with what you are going through will be very important to your career and your development as an adult. Consider it an opportunity for learning about yourself and for being able to deal with triggers like this. We can learn how to take life's barbs and diminish the pain ourselves. In other words, it's not what happens in life that matters, but how we deal with it. You're getting lots of practice at the moment. It won't always be like this - unless you let it.

🤗

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

It's so hard. Maybe im not doing it right

[MaggieSylvie]

It IS hard. But only you can do it. You are studying in the right area to find help with this. The ways we react to things that happen in life are habits like any others. I'm sure you know some people who don't have these problems. Well, they have the problems but the way they deal with them is likely to be different from the way you deal with them. Things happen to everyone but we are not forced to react and hurt ourselves in the process. We have to choose a different way to BE. Yes it's hard. Find a passion in your life that's different to what you are studying - a hobby, friend or lover. When you shift your focus there is less space for the triggers, so you at least get some respite.

[Genuineguy]

It's OK to be hurt but it sounds like you're sad and angry with your dad for deeper reasons and don't trust him anyway. Have you thought about taking through your feelings with a councillor/therapist? Maybe your university offers this and would want to help too.

[Against_the_current in reply to Genuineguy]

Yeah, i am in therapy. Unfortunately it's not a good one but that's what i can afford. And unfortunately my university doesn't give a damn