About 2 months ago, a relationship I believed would be my last, ended. This one was very important to me, and when it ended, I was destroyed, broken, and left not knowing who I am. It left me feeling completely hopeless and wanting to end my life. The relationship dramatically altered me to the point where I couldn't recognize who I was anymore. It left me in a place where I needed to figure out what makes me me, and what do I want out of life. In the time since, I've taken steps to stabilize and put myself on a path that I hope will lead me somewhere new that I've never experienced before.
One of the areas that I've struggled with (and not just since the breakup) has been the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. To have gone from having some around 24/7 to just being by myself has been a huge shock to the system. Not helped by the current COVID climate. But it's more than just that.... It's the not feeling a connection with anyone. I try to check-in with friends everyday, but most of my friends and those closest to me are in relationships and have their own lives. So I'm left with a quiet void to just autopilot my way through. I have a new hobby that is starting to take up my time, I meditate everyday, I read most days, I'm attempting to learn a new language (again, most days)..... but there's still a big puzzle piece internally missing. Maybe it's just a matter of time.. maybe there's something more I could be doing to foster more and better connections. So for now... here I am.