Struggling with Loneliness: About... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Struggling with Loneliness

trtl182
trtl182

About 2 months ago, a relationship I believed would be my last, ended. This one was very important to me, and when it ended, I was destroyed, broken, and left not knowing who I am. It left me feeling completely hopeless and wanting to end my life. The relationship dramatically altered me to the point where I couldn't recognize who I was anymore. It left me in a place where I needed to figure out what makes me me, and what do I want out of life. In the time since, I've taken steps to stabilize and put myself on a path that I hope will lead me somewhere new that I've never experienced before.

One of the areas that I've struggled with (and not just since the breakup) has been the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. To have gone from having some around 24/7 to just being by myself has been a huge shock to the system. Not helped by the current COVID climate. But it's more than just that.... It's the not feeling a connection with anyone. I try to check-in with friends everyday, but most of my friends and those closest to me are in relationships and have their own lives. So I'm left with a quiet void to just autopilot my way through. I have a new hobby that is starting to take up my time, I meditate everyday, I read most days, I'm attempting to learn a new language (again, most days)..... but there's still a big puzzle piece internally missing. Maybe it's just a matter of time.. maybe there's something more I could be doing to foster more and better connections. So for now... here I am.

24 Replies
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Hi ttyl. I am sorry you are struggling with loneliness. It is a danger to define ourselves within the boundaries of a relationship. It sounds like you are doing what you can by staying busy and adopting new interest. Meditation is helpful as well. It is important to get to know yourself during this time. How you do this can be an exciting adventure if you allow it to be. Let go of the past and begin a new journey. You sound like an intelligent young man. You can survive this and continue on. Keep in touch!

KCindy
KCindy in reply to KCindy

Ttyl I meant to say😕

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to KCindy

Thank you KCindy. Unfortunately, these types of "crises" and relationships have been something I've faced before... multiple times already. :( And historically, I've always seem to find a way to continue pushing myself forward. This time... this one was very different because it undid a lot of the progress I had made in 5 years since my last crisis. So now it's starting from a slightly different square one. While alsos trying to get back to being okay with being alone and my solitude. It'd just be nice to not be so alone all of the time, ya know?

KCindy
KCindy in reply to trtl182

I gave up on relationships and spend ALL my time alone. Now I'm old as dirt and there are no more chances. As I read your post in replies, I don't see this happening for you. So battle on and keep searching. ❤

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to KCindy

It is typically uncharacteristic of me to be a ray of sunshine/positive, so you know it's genuine when I say this... there's always a chance. Regardless of age, anything is possible, if you want it of course. I keep being told, if you put it out in the Universe, the Universe hears it, and works towards giving you what you want.... maybe not on your timeline, but it'll happen. I hope you're right... I hope the saying is right, and that I won't end up being alone for much longer. Guess I'll just have to enjoy being with myself. But also finding comfort in connecting with folks here.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to trtl182

How are you?

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to Iammesues

Thank you for asking. I've spent the vast majority of the past week and a half by myself... which has been ok I think.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to trtl182

Tell me how you pass the time. I’m trying to learn some peaceful activities

G

Hello,

I know exactly how you feel... Hopefully that void will be filled one day. Unfortunately, I feel like no matter what I do, nothing else will take the place for loneliness. Try to stay positive and most importantly don’t get involved in unhealthy relationships just because they are available. Only invite good people into your life/circle...

☺️

Thanks GoldenHeart789. It's a sucky situation for sure. If only there was some sort of entry tests at the very beginning of relationships to know who's going to be the good ones to let into my life/circle.

❤️

Your self reflection is impressive and well described. You recognize this relationship altered you to be someone else, yet you miss this person’s presence. Clearly showing that it was just not the right person for you. Sounds like now you are clearing your mind so you can open your self to the right person. I admire your perseverance and self respect to move on to better

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to Iammesues

Thank you lammesues. It's been a really long road to get here.... and I know I'm still not done yet. Just trying to take things second by second.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to trtl182

Can you at least give yourself some praise for making the change needed? I admire you

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to Iammesues

That's very kind of you. The best I can do is acknowledge it... praising myself isn't quite in my wheelhouse yet.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to trtl182

Change is so hard. I’m paralyzed in a bad relationship cuz I’m too afraid of change. I admire people like you who are on a path forward. Where do you get your strength?

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to Iammesues

Honestly, I don’t know where my strength comes from. I learned after some deep analysis that my brain is wired this way, and that my base line is that I wish I weren’t alive. Like given the choice, I would have cash in my chips and peace out. Surprisingly, knowing that has been freeing. Now I let my mind wander to see if it can find an answer as to why I continue being alive. I’ve never felt strong... on some level I know I have to just keep pushing forward, and see where this goes.

trtl182
trtl182 in reply to trtl182

And it might not be strength... I’ve been known to be quite stubborn. I have a Sicilian heritage, so I’m pretty sure my thickheadness and stubbornness comes from that.

Iammesues
Iammesues in reply to trtl182

Then I admire your stubbornness 😃

You said a lot in your post that I bet many people can relate to!!!! I was with someone for a long time and for months I was trying to just be tough and totally be no contact and all that but especially because of this crazy pandemic where it's so isolating, we now talk on the phone a few times during the week. I make it very clear to him that we are NOT getting back together, but we were friends way before we made a relationship out of it and in some weird way in spite of everything I think we're always going to be friends. But I know how in other situations it can be best to walk away and not look back. All else I can say is that I do appreciate this website even if internet connections can be fleeting, sometimes we all need some support and no one out there is a total island all the time.

Well said

Thanks, and how have you been???🙂

Thanks. Every relationship is different. I’m always astonished by those that can still be friends with someone they were previously in a relationship with. For me, once a relationship is over, that bridge gets several blocks of C4 on it and it’s gone for good. Now I’m trying to look back and see what I can learn from those past relationships to help me not make the same mistakes again in the future should I find myself in the same situation.

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