God always has a plan, and the plan for me is to go suicidal. Nobody cares, so why should I. Everyday it breaks me to pieces. I'm accustomed to villians that live in my head. I'm such a waste of achievement. Now, Lord I know I ain't been no saint, but tell be what I did to deserve this pain, this hurt. All I've ever done was put everybody first.
These days, I just don't feel like I exist amongst people. I live in the darkness. With the shadows of my mistakes. I'm not calling my doctor, I'm not calling any numbers, I'm calling on God, wanting to know his wishes for me.
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Therapist104
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I cried. In the middle of class. Because I feel the same. I've felt this way before. Can I just tell you you're not alone. Right now I'm hiding, I'm hiding from friends and family, so they won't see me crying. I'm sorry, I really am sorry, but I also feel like dying. Dying. Jumping off a cliff, bungee jumping with no a clip, no water, nothing. I think about self harming...those scars are still there and they're showing what I'm capable of doing to myself to take away the pain of something else. Just live. Live through it because you'll find people caring. At the very least, I care for you and I want you to know I'm here. Chat with in private and just let it all out. Vent, cry, but don't die. I love you. (please reply)
I hear you 😊.. My folks are sweet and nice.. Don't really get it especially with things they don't understand.. This is the one place you can really feel heard
We all need a bit of help sometimes, nobody can do everything themselves and get through life without getting any help from others. It's ok to need help and to accept help. I bet you like to help other people when you can?
No. Seeking help when needed is a sign of strength - not weakness. It takes a strong person to know the difference and I believe you have that in you. If you haven't yet then keep speaking to us and we will help you to find your way.
If you don't wish to go down the medical route then there is the self help one and there is lots of free info inline. Look at YouTube videos as well.
A good site is called '7 cups of tea'. You can talk all you want with volunteers (not trained counsellors though) who will do their best to help you. Do not mention the S word though as they aren't qualified to deal with this and will stop the chat (I know from experience). But you can get lots of things off your chest and have someone else's opinion. It helped me.
thank God. How old do you have to be because I have a friend whose little sister is suffering and she needs some else to talk to that she doesn't know so that they can't judge her as harshly?
Take a step at a time. Jesus does love you and made you as a single copy of you. The reason I am so up on Jesus is he had a total of 13 disciples Stephan was number 13 replacing Judas who killed himself. To not believe in him is hard considering 13 people went to their deaths praising him. out of 13 people believed what they said about him or he found 13 people who were crazy enough to die by stoning and crucifixion without a single one of them saying "Hey we made this all up" Long odds to account out of 13 men. Run the race you have been given. I got my cancer back but yet I know (not think) that if it takes my life I will be with God because just like you he only made one of me.
I'm a little worried about you right now, you seem to be going through some quick emotional swings.. Are you safe, and is there any help you might need that someone can help you with right now?
"Help is a weakness I don't need or want." is that you talking or really just your suicidal ideations taking over?
I wouldn't let them do what they want with your thoughts... You'll be the weak one if you can't tell that all that negative stuff in your head is not you.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, your life doesn't have to be just about the bad stuff.
Yeah, but I've never accepted help from doctors, counselors, or physiatrist. It's all, you need pills, or you need this medication because you have this.
Why don't you want the help of (I'd say at least) a counsellor/psychiatrist?
And don't say again about "weakness", poor excuse
What is the problem with opening up confidentially with someone? After all, you're already talking about pretty private stuff with random ppl on the internet
Frankly I respect the fact you're not interested in medication.
I mean at this point in your life you're not even open to speaking and better understanding your circumstances and your own attitude, what would be the point of medication? turning into a zombie? No way.
You seem rather strongly opinionated, so much that you have very little interest in learning from others, especially from the perspective of those (outside of yourself) who can give an objective point of view. Often times our negative thoughts take over to the point that we don't see how biased our vision is, that there is in fact a door to get out of our heads.
Counsellors and psychotherapists can help you do just that and they don't have to work with you taking medications, in fact most of them cannot prescribe that stuff anyway. I'd invite you to entertain the idea that you can get help from another person. We're always here to support each other, but the real help comes from professionals, who by the way 80% of the time have been exactly where you're at with their own lives. Nobody is immune to suicidal thoughts.
There can be no change for you unless you are willing to entertain it. If you keep on doing the same old things, then the same old things will keep happening.
And you are right that meds don't take the pain away. Their main purpose is to help you feel a bit better and able to deal with your issues either through self help or the medical one. You can't do much to help yourself when you are feeling so ill.
Sounds good. Do you like going for walks sometimes? I've been trying to do some regular walking recently (because I haven't done any exercise for ages) and I'm finding that it's starting to make a difference to how I'm feeling, it helps me to get through each day.
Great to hear that you'll be going out for a run. It'll stimulate your body to produce endorphins, which help us to feel better about ourselves. Sounds like you've been busy helping people on here today?
I hope this gets to you before you have to hand in your chrome book. I’ve experienced a lot of depression and thoughts of self-harm as well as suicidal thoughts. I’ve been hospitalized twice.
First, I want you to know that you are not alone. We are here and I believe God shares our pain and surrounds us with loving arms and weeps with us.
Second, I want you to have hope. Recovery is very possible with appropriate treatment and support. Unfortunately, often it takes patience to get the right meds and dosages. And it also takes time to work through issues and learn how cope with or disregard or eliminate troubling thoughts and feelings, BUT it is worth the effort! And recovery is possible! There really is hope.
Get the right medication. Get therapy. You need support and patience, but you are NOT alone. Many of us have been on a similar journey and God goes with us all the way and all the time! Blessings!
It sounds from what you say that you have always been the one there for others, helping them when they needed it. Maybe it's time to let someone help you. There is no shame in accepting help. We all need it at times in our life.
God does not have a pre-set plan for you, He gave you free will so you can make of your life what you will. It is not right to blame Him for how things have turned out: He gave you free will remember.
So nothing is predestined, we may ask for help and all prayers are answered. But not necessarily in the way we ask.
You have more than three-quarters of your life left. As I always say, if your life is lacking in happiness then don't live for today, live for tomorrow. So use the freedom you have been granted to build a life worthy of the abilities you have been given and forget your past mistakes.
You are here to evolve to a higher form, what religious people call 'the progression of all souls'. This is the way forward. Opting out is not an option.
Well, I believe God does have a plan for you. We may just need to slow down a bit and be more patient. Our plans want instant results and can really become frustrating when they don't work out the way WE wanted them to... I do this all the time.
I have three kids and I have great ideas, hopes, and plans for them. I will love them and support them even when they don't stick to MY plan. If they choose poor plans and fall on their faces I will be there to pick them up. Help them get on their feet. I will never turn my back on one of my children, but they do have the will power to keep running away. I can't force them and some of their choices may come with tough consequences.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Here is a link to the verse described in more context. It sucks how this world puts WAY too much pressure a people. Our media is always driving us to compete for some illusion of what success is when God may just be wanting us to slow down and enjoy the day.
What helps me when I start having suicidal thoughts is to get up and move, "move a muscle, change a thought", I also call a family member and share my thoughts, just like you are doing now, by posting. I surf YouTube for funny videos of dogs or cats. I love music, so I created a folder of songs that make me feel good and hopeful. Please hang in there, you are not alone 🙏
Please go to a hospital right now! Seriously. Don't even hesitate. I don't think people want to be attending your funeral. It sounds like you're not in a good place and are seriously considering suicide. Please, please, please admit yourself to the hospital.
God says to seek him, we are put here for that.Our emotional pain can bring us to him,
When we we are at the end of our self.
Say to yourself . ......
All is well and Love and laugh.
There are good books out there like The Power of Now and the Untethered soul that will teach about getting out of self.
If my main focus is on myself all the time, makes me feel miserable.
Please find some hotlines, Crisis Lines, warm lines to call when your thoughts turn suicidal. They will talk to you even when you're not suicidal when you're just in crisis.
My friend. You are going to have to take some kind of action in a good direction to turn this around. A lady in my NA group always says is whats troubling you going to matter in 5 years? Probably not. Forget about it. Live life and you will see its not that bad.
God loves you and says in his word to finish the race. Suicide could lead to an eternity of suffering. I care also so please keep on fighting you can do this.😇
By the time you read this you will most likely be feeling better because you have changed your posture, i.e. taken your Chromebook to your grandmother. I hope you opened up to her because it's extremely worrying when another human being won't share why they are so down. Perhaps she cheered you up anyway. I hope so. As eddiealright says, "is whats troubling you going to matter in five years?" It's always a good question to ask. Value life because sometimes it's really good, and choose life, not death. 🙂🙂
Ok well let me try to help a bit then. Take a second and imagine yourself at 26. If things went the way you would like them to, what does that world look like? Where do you live? What do you do for a living?
That world looks like a bunch of children running around playing outside with their friends, I would be a popular, thriving, and traveling veterinarian. I wouldn't really live in a certain state, but I'd live in Australia instead of the United States.
First I have to say you are NOT alone. I was where you are now. I went to doctors, took meds went to therapy. Nothing helped and I had plans to take pills and put a plastic bag over my head. I am not a religious person, but I do believe that G-D gave us free will. Getting help is not weakness. In fact it takes real courage to admit you need help. You need to go to the hospital now. It will keep you safe. I went when I had no choice. I have a wife and 12 yr old son, and it would kill them if I committed suicide. Think of your grandmother and what it would to her. You need to find a reason to live. That fact that you posted here only shows you're looking for help instead of killing yourself. Doesn't the Bible say that suicide is a sin? What would happen to you with the second coming?
It was only until after my hospitalization that I realized that there are people who care about me and I needed help. Posting here is the first step in taking control of yourself and finding that courage. People join this site because we care about people. We care about one another b/c we are all going through the same thing. I care. Asking for help takes strength. Posting here by definition is asking for help.
That said, I honestly and truthfully hope you can find some solace, some relief from the pain. I'm still trying to figure it out. You can too.
Um, yeah. But, this is a different type of help. There's a certain type of help that's a weakness. From professionals, help is weakness. But, nonprofessionals is not weakness. Professionals, well, they just give you pills. And btw, nobody in my family cares about me.
I am sincerely sorry that you have hit such a rough patch in your young life. There is no reason for you to believe anything I have to offer. I read your replies to others, and rejection of their ideas or suggestions. I can't think of any profound advice that you will accept. You don't believe in Yourself, so it would be almost impossible to believe in Others, but still, we try to reach you, with the hope of making a good connection.
You joined this site. You wanted "something". You have openly shared your life and challenges. Now I ask..... what can anyone say that you will accept? What do you truly want or need from the great and diverse people here? We need to know, and then some of us will see what we can do to better meet your needs. If you just need to vent, and will keep rejecting others' ideas, we can just sit back and let you vent and not respond, if that's what you want. Clicking the "Like" heart, or giving you a smiley face emoji doesn't help you.
Please keep sharing how you're doing. You are thought of by many people here.
Also, I what I want from the people here to help me is advice or helpful resources. I don't not accept advice. It may seem like it, but that's just my first response. I then think it over when I'm done. I don't care if all you do is click the like. I just need to get things off of my chest.
Btw, yes, I may sometimes do it, but the thing is, it won't help me bc I've already tried it or I KNOW it won't work bc I've done something similar. Peace!
You have received 104 Replies (now 105 with this one). You mean to tell me that out of ALL those caring replies, none of them have helped you gain more positive control over the things that are troubling you??
Hey man! I hope you're doing good. I don't know you, and probably will never know you, but somehow I feel like I've felt this same way before. I don't know what you're going through, and don't know what you've been through, but I do know this, there's no better thing than living. If not for other people then for yourself.
Live your life in full, no matter how long it is, whenever you feel down know this, eventually you and everyone else is going to have to go, but until then why not live it? I don't know if there's any heaven, I don't know if there's any hell, but what I do know is there is life and then there is death. Those are the two possibilities visible to me, well if there's just an ON or OFF then I'll rather live ON then die OFF for now. 🥲
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Should I better die?! 
worried that maybe I am too self-involved?
Should I stay or should I go.
Maybe things be better if I wasn't here
