worried that maybe I am too self-invo... - Anxiety and Depre...

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worried that maybe I am too self-involved?

RcKitty
RcKitty

my family, who don't support me or even believe that depression is real, accuse me of being selfish and self-centered and narcissist, they ask me why everything that comes out of my mouth starts with "I"? and looking over my posts I am beginning to wonder if they are right.

I might sound too self-involved, too self-centered, maybe? even though the pain I feel everyday is very very real, they never validate my suffering...the dismiss me .... it hurts me alot

16 Replies
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No!! Do not let your family get in the way of you getting better! Their reaction to what you are going through is naïve and hurtful. You have to be a little selfish right now, because you are battling a horrible disorder. Major depressive disorder is very complex and difficult for all of us who have it. Then when you top it off with a diagnosis of anxiety as well, it doubles, maybe triples the battle. It is clear that they do not understand the severity of your condition right now. It sounds as if they might be a large part of how you are feeling. Their dismissive behavior most likely stems from a lack of understanding of mental illness. Unfortunately, mental illness is still taboo for many, many people.

Question for you, you don't have to answer, but it is important. Do you live with your parents? If so are you still a minor?

RcKitty
RcKitty in reply to SM3805

not a minor.... but live with my family yes after being involuntarity hospitalized into the psych ward after going to the er with "chest pains" which turned out to be a major panic attack and they feared I might hurt myself. I moved back home thinking, " now I will get the support ad love and caring I need..." but, the exact opposite happened as I describe din my last post! and I actually got ALOT worse, I struggle with thoughts of ending my life every single day

I feel that I might be at the end of my rope because I don't feel I am able to cope anymore..its all too much, too painful...

SM3805
SM3805 in reply to RcKitty

Do you have a therapist yet? My reasoning here was if you had been a minor, I would have suggested talking to your therapist about your parents reaction. That way the therapist, with your permission, could have an educational session with just your parents. However, being that you are living with them, it still wouldn't be a bad idea to run it past your therapist. Your parents most likely aren't going to change their behavior or opinions without someone other than you sitting them down and pounding the facts of depression and anxiety into their heads.

A thought for you, have you ever been on anti depressants before? Reason being, it sometimes takes trying different types of medications and combinations to find what really works for your specific situation. There are many different choices and types of anti depressants and it can take some hiccups to find that combination that truly helps. It took trying 3 different anti depressants to find what works for me, it takes some folks many more trials before finding what works.

I feel like you may need to take the time for yourself, possibly back in the hospital, away from everything. Ideally, that way the healthcare professionals can help educate your parents on what is going on, of course here in the states (not sure where you are from) you will have to sign a release so that they can talk to your parents.

When I had my last breakdown (when I tried to commit suicide), my husband told me that if I checked my self into the hospital he wouldn't be around when I got out. Luckily, his mother ( who suffers from bipolar disorder) knocked some sense into him. He came to the hospital a couple of days in to my stay, and the social worker explained some things about what was going on in my head. I still didn't go home right away after my stay, I went and crashed at my grandma's for a week or so, just to get my shit together. I explained that he had nothing to do with my depression, it's just something I have to work through (childhood abuse, etc.). He was very receptive, but still aloof and angry. Finally, about 6 months later, he told me the reason he was so mad was because I did it when he wasn't home and right where my daughter could have found me. I believe to this day (It's been a little over 5 years now) that if that social worker hadn't explained things to him, we would not be together anymore.

If you are truly feeling like you are going to harm yourself, please go back to the hospital immediately. They can get you stabilized and care for you, while hopefully getting your parents to understand, just like they managed to do for my husband.

SM3805
SM3805 in reply to SM3805

Sorry for such a long post, I'm just truly concerned for your well being.

RcKitty
RcKitty in reply to SM3805

Please don't be sorry! I so appreciate your concern! they gave me a few medications while I was in the psych ward, paxil and ambien and actually think Ativan too for 5 days, but when I got out, I didn't continue with the medication or seek outpatient care because my family didn't think it was necessary. and thing just went downhill from there. they actually did not even visit me in the psych ward or pick me up after my discharge . I took a taxi.

so just recently I got myself a therapist and a psychiatrist who put me on cymbalta and the daily Ativan,, so I was told to pat myself on the back for that because that was a huge step for me to take, especially all on my own... but... I don't think my parents view on mental illness will change any time soon! I am hoping to hold on just a little longer to give the medication chance and try to go to therapy maybe regularly... I don't know... its really too much for me to get out of bed some days!!! so I dont know if I can... but.. I am holding on, giving the mediaction a chance at least.

I really don't feel, being the way they are, they are going to come around and understand what I am going though, I am so glad for you that your husband did come around.

I so appreciate your concern . you are a perfect stranger and have helped me more than you know,, more than my family ever has while ive been at home...

I took an Ativan a couple hours ago !! wow..i feel so tired... and maybe can get some rest , my anxiety has been overwhelming lately

thank you so much for your kindness and support SM3805, means so much to me...

SM3805
SM3805 in reply to RcKitty

Try to get some sleep, please check in tomorrow. I work tomorrow with no access to computers. I will check in before I go and when I get home.

SM3805
SM3805 in reply to SM3805

Oh, and you should be proud that you took this giant step!

thank you SM3805! for everything! I will try to get some sleep...

and will try my best to check in tomorrow, some days I am too exhausted to even to do that

but I will try, if for some reason I don't I just probably sleeping and am ok.

thank you again for all your compassion, concern, support.....

Hi I am sorry you are going through this with your family. It is common unfortunately for family members not to understand or even want to mental health problems. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you but just that they don't get it.

Also they probably feel helpless as they don't know how to help you. It's up to you to tell them how to. Having said that if you feel they are making things worse you have to get out asap. Can you leave at the moment or in the near future? You will never get blood out of a stone if your family aren't capable of giving you what you need. x

If you need help- it actually takes courage to admit that- you are not selfish to admit you need help. Would you be selfish if you said you were deaf or blind?

Hidden
Hidden

I hope you got your rest, selfish? Selfish when you are crying for help? Never. They won't get it, I am so sorry that your family isn't being supportive. I guess in their minds they have given you all that they could so how can you be so depressed. They are not in your shoes so they won't understand. I have had to stop talking to some of my family members including my mom, it was never ending pessimism. I couldn't tolerate it anymore. One day I finally blew up and that was that. I have so much on my plate and then for them to add more to it. No thank you. But we are here for you. I have never opened up to anyone and I am doing that here now....slowly ,but it is helping me. You can talk to me anytime.

RcKitty
RcKitty in reply to Hidden

thank you! its just so hard and hurts so much when your own family doesn't support you. I have a lot of trouble opening up too, but I am doing it now too for the first time... you can talk to me anytime too about anything!

Just checking in before I go to work, hope you got some decent rest. I will check in when I come home from work tonight.

SM3805, thank so much again for your replies, it's hard to open up about a lot of these things and I never really have, but you made me feel like so understood and I felt comfortable opening up finally and it was rally cathartic and I do feel better for now.I have the courage now to go to a therapy session Monday and I thank you for that because if I had not had your encouraging words I don't think I would go. I am so tired though, I have a hard time getting out of bed and doing much of anything still, life is still just so overwhelming but I feel that I am taking the positive steps though in opening up and going to therapy, thank you so much....

Hidden
Hidden

I am sorry to hear this. I have one parent who doesn't understand mental illness. I learned to not talk to that parent about it. Talk to the people that support you & your growth.

hi, i am going through the same thing, except it is my boyfriend doing it. he says he's had depression before but he got over it by himself by thinking positive thoughts. he says im selfish for not getting over it. however, i do try (ie. forcing myself to go out with friends and exercise, doing hobbies). its hurtful when the people you rely on most for support say this.

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