Should I or Should I Not

[Dragon3695]

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'm single as most everyone knows by now. My roommate that I'm in love with has recently found a long distance bf. I'm jealous it ain't me of course but she is my best friend so I want her to be happy. My question is this. She asked me earlier this week to watch her son tomorrow so she could basically shut the door and talk to her bf uninterrupted. She knows I'm jealous and having a hard time with my feelings yet she still asked me. What would you do if you were me? I told her I would for at least a few hours as long as I could handle it but as lonely and down as I'm feeling I'm wondering if it was a good idea or not.

[Dragon3695]

Btw for anyone that reads this and has read my previous posts as well I ended up not going to a mental hospital but I'll explain that more another day in a different post

[Dragon3695]

I'm going to try. It just hurts because i want it to be me more than anything but I totally get why it isn't me anymore even if who she is dating looks like me

[Hidden]

You must be in so much emotional pain. You need distance emotionally so that you can stabilize your emotions. I didnt realize what you were going to a mental hospital for, but now it makes sense that this situation must be really excaserbating the problem. I would be a wreck if I was in your situation living with a girl Im in love with. You have to move out man, and create distance so you have chance to stabilize your emotions. You can maybe be closer in time but not now man. I know its hard though to make that decision. Trust me I know and my heart gos out to you.

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hidden]

My emotions are actually pretty stable most days because her and i have talked multiple times and I know what I have to do to have a chance. Tomorrow really just bothers me because it is Valentine's Day and I'm single for the first time in 6 years and I'm jealous of her bf. She constantly goes our of her way to help me with all my issues including being very understanding and very good about not rubbing her relationship in my face. As for moving out, it isn't an option for me because the cheapest 1 bedroom place around me is 775 and I get 794 a month so that just isn't feasible for me.

[Hidden in reply to Dragon3695]

With all respect and sincere care Im not sure if I believe that.

You said youre having a hard time with your feelings, youre jealous and youve made a post because you dont know if you can 'handle' the emotions that come with all this added to the possibility of baby sitting your friends daughter. Also youre 'lonely and down'.

I would be feeling everything you said too. Its really natural and understandable. I know we as men are reckoned on to be tough, but this situation would get to anyone.

I think its great you have a chance but still youve got to look after yourself. I still believe you need distance until youve got substance from this relationship. To me its simple - its either substance and stay. Or no substance and go. If need be share with someone else somewhere elseIf you do anything else or move with family or go on a rentaroom.com. Anything man, this is a really overwhelming situation to be in. You will end up frustrated no matter how supportive this girl is. If you want to stay anyway, then you wont want to find another option to leave. And to be honest I understand those feelings. It takes something else to go against our emotions in order to look after our emotions. But I wanted to say this anyway out of love. But if you stay I respect your decision and know its your choice how you handle this. This post just jumped out at me and I had to say something 💞

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hidden]

I know I need to look after me first. I recently had that fact thrown in my face in several ways at once. That really put a lot of stuff I been going through recently into perspective. I have to be willing to do whatever it takes for me to take care of me even if it means I have to stay here and control my emotions to the best of my ability. I also need to ask for and take help whenever I truly need it without arguing or fighting anyone about it. Basically sometimes the perspective needs to change to see the bigger picture and the steps taken need to be better planned out and much smaller instead of all or nothing like my entire family drilled into me

[Hidden in reply to Dragon3695]

Believe it or not I understand everything you said. I get the point about perspective. You have a good outlook there my friend. I understand. Its your decision how you execute this. I just know 'controlling your emotions' in this situation is so overwhelming. I want you to know that you havent done anything wrong because you find it hard. Its normal to suffer and I feel for you. You havent failed just because youre struggling. It just shows youre human with feelings, emotions, thoughts and its normal and even healthy to have limits. Its ok.

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hidden]

Absolutely. I recently started coloring mandalas to help me relax and control how worked up I allow myself to get. Plus I started exercising again which always allows my focus to shift to more positive things. This is a long winding road that sucks in many ways but I can do it as long as I go slow and take help when needed

[Hidden]

I’ve read your story, sounds like personal torture to be living like this. The choices we make that are detrimental to our mental health and well being, are just that...choices. We don’t always do the right thing for ourselves, people pleasing comes at a cost.

I wish you well, Happy Valentine’s Day.

[Dragon3695 in reply to Hidden]

People pleasing and the negative choices sucked a lot from my soul but no more will I let it get me without me fighting back like a bat out of hell

[Hidden]

Hey friend

She is ur friend and friends support one another. I think u should help her but I am seriously worried. Why? Me and u know how depression can just kick in without being welcomed. I will be honest with u, this is not healthy for u, the environment I mean. U are vulnerable right now and anything can trigger. How I wish u can go live somewhere, not because u don't want ur friend, not because u are jelouse of ur friend. Unfortunately right now she is not helping u emotionally because while being there for u as a friend, emotionally u are drowning. Friend u know this is coming from a well meaning place. I really wish u can distance ursf with this both emotionally and physically in order to heal.

[Crochet1957]

You should do what makes you happy