I've just been feeling really abandoned the past few days. I don't feel like anyone in my life really cares about me.
I've always felt like a second choice in every relationship I've ever had. The people closest to me seem to only talk to me when they have no other option and as soon as someone new or better comes along, I'm left in the dust.
For a while, I didn't experience this. My friends were talking to me, and while they had other friends, I never felt like I was unimportant than them. But recently that's changed.
My best friend and roommate, Mandy, has recently started a relationship. I was so supportive and excited for her, and I still am. She told me that she did not want him to become priority over her friends and even told him that we came first. But as we all know, sometimes love can overpower things and she is really falling for him. I don't fault her for that, it just sucks for me.
I live with two other girls who are some good friends, but they're either working or tired from work, so most days I spend a lot of time alone.
I've tried to go out to dinner with my parents, but they're busy a lot with my younger brother and his sports. I call and talk to my mom sometimes, but she's busy too, which is understandable.
My other friend, Jack, has also been a bit MIA recently, which you might know about if you've read my past posts. We were really close and talking nearly daily a few weeks ago and now it's like crickets, save for our weekly coffee "dates" every Friday. He says he's busy but I know he's still able to talk to his other friends and new friends he's made at work. I understand I'm not priority to him, it just sucks.
I just feel like this always happens. I always end up losing my friends because they find someone better. Someone they prefer over me.
Some days I'm okay. I tell myself that life changes sometimes and people's schedules temporarily get hectic. That it likely has nothing to do with me. I go about my day, just enjoying the conversations when they do come about.
But other days, like today, when I'm exhausted and my anxiety and depression take over, the loneliness and self-deprecation are almost unbearable. My mind whirls with obsessive thoughts about why my friends won't talk to me and what I do that makes people lose interest.
And I want so badly to tell my friends how I'm feeling and get some reassurance, but I don't want to be needy. I understand everyone has their own lives and their silence doesn't represent their care for me or lack thereof, I just have a hard time sometimes.
It's just really tough sometimes, having anxiety and depression, and feeling like your thoughts are out of control.
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DemureRose
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Depression makes me think like that a lot, on days I'm not depressed I'm not looking at my relationships like that.I think it could just be your depression causing you to dwell on your relationships.
I know mine does that. I just think no one cares. And maybe they don't very much but on days when I'm not depressed I don't really think about it.
The same type of thinking happens to me too. I know I have to force myself to either get out of my own head or think about something else. I like gratitude. Staying in gratitude helps be to remember all the good things I have going on and the other stuff just doesn't have the same impact after that. I also found out that I am wrong a lot if not always about how other people feel about me when I get depressed. I try to always remember I am making it out worse than it is and usually I get a text or call or answer from somebody and I feel uplifted again. If I could just remember that, I wouldn't even have to feel down at all. I know it is sometimes hard to do at the moment, but I find that now that I resist, it tends to be less and less.
I hope you don’t think you are making it out to be worse every single time. Yes, our depression, anxiety, etc plays a real role in our perceptions but sometimes (a lot in my case) my family is straight up disinterested and blatantly blames me for not “being normal like them.” I have social anxiety on top of everything else & my mother beat me regularly with things like baseball bats & frying pans as a kid, so the toxicity is real for some of us. I know you weren’t meaning anything negative, I’m just chiming in with my experience that I feel is another avenue to this issue, I don’t mean to discount your response at all. I’m a 50 yr old mom of 4 now and I think with hormone changes etc, things are so much harder for me lately. One thing I know is I’ll NEVER be close to my “family” & I’ve lived my life being the polar opposite of them.
Why would you delete it? We both offered insights, none are wrong, they are personal insights. I hope I didn’t come across as mean, I tried to make sure that it was worded as just another “take” in addition to your equally as valid post. I’m sorry if you misunderstood.
I don't know lately I lost like half my friends. What I tried to do is organize a night out with other friends and their girlfriends. Supposed to go off this weekend. We'll see.
There have been times in my life when it's felt like that, lots of acquaintances but no real friends. I don't know what to suggest, except that over time you'll probably find some friends stick and some don't. The ones who you just get on with superficially will probably drift away, but others will probably stay forever, as long as it's not interrupted by a long-distance house move or something like that.
Eventually there is so much history with someone that it holds you together. You've supported each other through life's problems, you know things about them that no one else does, and so on. That isn't something you'd walk away from just because you were temporarily bored, it's more meaningful than that.
Do you have opportunities to meet new people? If there are things you can go to, where you'll have a chance to talk to people you haven't met before, it might help things along. You might meet someone that way who becomes a close friend—but it may take some persistence too. You're not going to have hundreds of close friends ever, so it may take time to find people who fit.
Probably there are more people in this situation than you think. My anxiety and depression is very good at saying to me, "You are the only person in the world who has this problem." In reality, everyone has problems, and a lot of them are very similar.
I’m so sorry. I’m in the same boat. My family and extended family has either completely disowned me (because I’m not the gregarious social butterfly that they all are) or they just plain hate me (trust me they hate me, they’ve said it point blank.) I have 3 friends left. One is thousands of miles away & rarely answers her phone, another is in a bad marriage, travels for work & can barely get herself to function & the other is superwoman & has no time for me. I’m a lot of work, I get it, but it still hurts. I feel terrible for my youngest 2 teenagers at home because my family wants nothing to do with them because of me I’m sure, I feel like I’m robbing them of relationships. My therapist said I need to get out of that mindset asap, that my family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins) are toxic & I am saving my kids and myself from that toxicity. I know she’s right but it still feels bad & lonely too. It’s so hard when relationships are a two way street and other people don’t want to meet us half way. I totally get where you’re coming from. I hope things get better (for both of us.)
I have gone what you have during the Pandemic as I worked from home the last two years and everyone was isolated, now our department was just laid off and now I have more time alone. However some days are better than others, some days i push myself to do things socially even by myself, I also have volunteered which helps a little. When i lost my dad and grandmother, I went into severe depression and lost most of all my friends and it has been a struggle everyday. I also lost a lot of family relationships due to family disputes.
I try to remember this "Try to find a little joy everyday" , easier said than done, but if you start small it may end up big. A little goes a long way to put a smile on your face. Myself I try these self help sites, volunteer for our environment, group workouts at the gym, which are free, and other social activities. Just try it, it helps me a lot.
I care about you. Things that help me. Start every morning with the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. They have other breathing exercises if you don’t like these . Get 40 minutes of daily cardio exercise to help burn off steam and produce endorphins. After your shower rinse in cool water for 5 minutes. With the goal of a 10 minute pure cold shower in 2 months. This is a game changer, a total reset of your brain and nervous system. Look it up. A dozen people have gotten back to me on here and said it’s working for them. Louise Kay has guided meditation on you tube. And just keep doing the other things you like. We need you to know we care . We need you to do good so you can pay it forward.
Hello. I honestly am not trying to start up some stupid internet spat with you, however, I’ve been noticing that you give this same advice to just about everyone on here and I just wanted to say that my humble opinion is that what you’re advising just isn’t going to work for everyone. Okay that’s it, didn’t mean to rant on you. I know you’re just trying to be helpful to someone. Don’t mind me, I’m a crazy 51 year old American woman going through menopause and I’m just mad at the world in general these days.
That’s the purpose of places like this. I start by saying this is what helps me.. I have had over a dozen people email me and say the cold water did wonders for them. Please on here . I know it’s not for everyone. There are 2 million people doing it worldwide. And the other things I say have helped me. So the person who wrote the post can try my stuff, maybe one or 2 things will help. Maybe they will try a couple things from other people. Isn’t that what this is for?
There is a woman who tried to end herself last night. She’s in today’s posts . Read what I wrote to her. I took 20 minutes to try to help. It’s not always the same. And if I help one person who helps one person., isn’t that good?
Hello. I completely understand what you are saying. We know that this is just the way life is, but our minds that over with ruminating negative thoughts that are hard to stop. It’s part of the disease if anxiety and depression. I just hope that somehow it gets a little better. Take care.
Depression is such an overwhelming feeling of just empty and feelings of disconnect. I’m sorry you are experiencing all of this. I struggled with friendships for a long time a few years ago. I felt like everyone was moving along in their lives and I was just sitting in the same spot. Are there any interest groups you might think of connecting in? For example a cooking class, art class, church group, etc? I found through getting into other classes that I was interested in things my other friends weren’t and that was okay. Here is a number for a great free resource that can also connect you to counselors near you if you feel you want to talk to someone… DO Phone number: 855-382-5433.
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i'm just so confused.
Suicide attempt, breakup, abandonment
So tired of this feeling. 
Feeling so anxious today.
