I'm Crumbling: Hey everyone! Hope you... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I'm Crumbling

14 Replies

Hey everyone! Hope you are all having a good day/night/whenever you're reading this.

So this past Saturday night, I went to one of my best friend's 18th birthday party. There were about 10 people there. And because of the pandemic, I decided it would be best to wear a mask. Of course, I was the only one to wear a mask. So when I arrived at the party, everyone was staring at me, and I felt very judged. I don't see the problem though. Like, I'm sorry for being smart and protecting myself. I'm sorry that I actually give a crap about my health.

I feel like I'm not as "cool" as all of my friends. I don't have any social media (Instagram, SnapChat, Twitter, etc.), but all of my friends do. So whenever they talk about something, they say to me "oh yeah, you don't have snap," acting like I'm not as good as them. My mother doesn't allow me to have social media; not like I want it anyways because all it is is a drama black hole. I feel like I'm falling out of my friendships just because I'm different than all them. I'm not "cool" enough for them.

Another thing that's currently bothering me for some reason: I have this inner fear that I'm also losing my boyfriend. I don't know why. I just feel like lately, he isn't as interested in talking to me. And when we do talk, a lot of it is about him. I am totally okay with talking about him; that's not the issue. It just seems like whenever I bring something of my own up, it doesn't really have any value to him. I value everything he tells me. I don't know. I'm probably overreacting. Life's kinda hard right now. I'm struggling quite a bit.

Anyways, sorry to probably bore you. I'm sure teenage problems aren't the most pressing thing to most. But anyways, hope you have a great day/night/whenever you're reading this. That's gonna be my new phrase I say (the day/night/whenever you're reading this phrase). Catchy, right? (It's okay to say no lol.)

Love you all! Thank you for your support! I of course support you too!

14 Replies
memesnprozac profile image
memesnprozac

Hi... just joined the site 5 minutes back and this was the first thing i read. First of all, everything you said is important, it feels like you consider your problems rants of a petulant teenage kid, because i did that for too long and continue to do so and trust me its not going well, btw i am 20. So meh i might know a thing or two more than you or maybe not idk lol. But i have been dealing with shit for 4 years... my parents didn’t get me smartphone until i was 17 so i never had any social media before that so i know what it feels like to be shunned.

So, heres my two cents—

1) social media — you’re probably better off but to be ver blunt, you will be leaving behind alot of old friends if you ever switch cities, schools, etc. which may seem fine but is a bug one. I recently got insta after years and posted my first story this july, i got hear from people who I hadn’t heard from since middle school. But also it leads to unhealthy competition, unrealistic expectations, and self doubt/self esteem issues. Which, for me, was a big issue so what i do is delete and redownload it every 2-3 days. Also i had a sneaky account with no names or pictures and only added 2-3 people who were as close as family so they could share stuff from insta and i dont just float away from their lives.

2) about your relationship— bleh idk much but I’d be blunt and honest about everything to my partner... maybe you’re just being anxious but also it could that the guy isnt right for you and you’re looking at him through rose tinted glasses. Just be smart and careful about everything.

3) your feels are important and thank you for sharing this.

Stay strong and hope you get better. :)

in reply tomemesnprozac

Thank you so much! And welcome to this forum!

FearIsALiar profile image
FearIsALiar

It is okay to be different!

Social media can be addicting and it’s very bad for your mental health. Take care of yourself.

in reply toFearIsALiar

Thank you! Same to you!

sophie4 profile image
sophie4

I didn't know that being cool; means having social media. OK...I don't have or want social media and I don't have a cell phone! So I guess I don't qualify as being cool. Sunkissed_Panda, for what it's worth...I think you're plenty cool!!!!!!!!!!!

in reply tosophie4

Thank you sophie! I'm glad you think I'm cool haha! I'd probably disagree, but you probably look at it from a different perspective than me.

Hope everything's going okay for you. Miss you bestie!

sophie4 profile image
sophie4

I've been thinking of you, Sunkissed_Panda,

If you're doing everything every one else is doing, how is that being cool? I think being cool is being UNIQUE. You have special, wonderful qualities...understanding, kindness, offering support, marvelous sense of humor...my list goes on and on.

I wasn't like the rest of the cool kids when I was in jr. and especially in high school. Thank goodness!!!! I was unique and the other kids called me a 'weirdo'..thank you sheople. How boring to be like every other kid or adult. Accept me as I am or FU.

Celebrate your uniqueness!!! Did you write once that your parents won't let you have social media? I don't have it...didn't have a computer until very recently. Don't have in-style clothes...well, I never go anywhere. OK, this is a good one...I let my hair grow out grey!!! People I don't know (like at a grocery store waiting in line...or neighbors tell me that I'd look so much younger if I colored my hair. I used to. But I'm 70 years old. And I'm not even slightly interested in looking younger, although I agree, colored hair would make me look younger. But I'm not younger regardless of what I do. OH, don't get me wrong...I respect and do not judge people, most especially women, who strive to look younger.

Love yourself for exactly who you are. You are young. You're at that age where most individuals are having some sort of crisis. It's how you choose to handle whatever is going on. I'm NOT saying it doesn't hurt. Of course it does. But as you grow you'll appreciate who you are more and more.

in reply tosophie4

Thank you sophie! High school is so stupid honestly. You get judged for every move you make. And if you don't know about all of the drama going on, you're deemed uncool. The way I look at it is: if I don't know the drama, I have less to worry about. Who even cares that so'n'so is dating so'n'so or that someone flipped someone off or that someone cried in health class. It's so dumb.

Anyways though, thank you for the positive encouragement. I highly doubt I will be friends with these people beyond high school anyways. The important things to worry about for me are grades and work haha. That's WAY more important than stupid drama.

Hope you are having an amazing day! You deserve it!

sophie4 profile image
sophie4 in reply to

Hey!!!!!

You sound wonderful. Like who cares??? You are so far ahead of these jerks.

I didn't know you're working. What do you do?

The fun is when you attend a high school reunion in say 20 years and you're doing so fantastic!!! What are they going to say then? At the moment they're idiots.

You "keep on keepin' on".

in reply tosophie4

You are totally right! They won't have anything "cool" to say.

I work at my local Kohl's department store in the shoe department, as well as cash registers. Not the most exciting thing, but hey, it's something.

I will certainly "keep on keepin' on" haha! Same to you! Hope you're having a great day! Can't wait to talk soon!

sophie4 profile image
sophie4 in reply to

We will talk real soon. You sound better!! Hey...Kohl's is lucky to have you as their employee. Hope your day is allowing you to feel how very special you are!!!

in reply tosophie4

Thanks so much! Same to you!

pam4him profile image
pam4him

First, you are very smart for wearing a mask and for not having social media. You are right, it is a drama black hole. Too many people think it's ok to say things they wouldn't say in person, forgetting that it's stays on the internet a very long time and is hard to remove. As for the boyfriend, have a talk with him about it. If he's receptive, things should adjust. If not then perhaps that relationship needs to be more friendly than romantic. And cool is not all that great. Keep being your wonderful self. Prayers for peace as you stand up for your values.

in reply topam4him

Thank you so much! People can just be...something, you know? I've found that I get annoyed pretty easily, and people frustrate me. I'm trying to overlook it.

Thank you for the heartwarming comment! I hope you are doing well!

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