Get it off my chest

[sshawn]

I joined this site several months ago after spending a week hospitalized for severe anxiety and depression. The support and help I got while there was incredible. I felt rejuvenated. Being surrounded by people who didn’t judge me and knew what I was going through was relieving. And when I got out I was sure I had a good game plan in place to remain positive and keep my anxiety manageable. Joining this site was one of them.

Now I feel it’s all falling apart. My major trigger is work. I’m overwhelmed. I don’t trust myself and have to triple check my work before I can move on. My performance has gone downhill because I constantly worry and can’t concentrate or think clearly. It’s become a complete mess. As much as I’ve tried and would like to find a new job, I’m unsure my ocd would get any better.

Worst of all it’s affecting my home life. I’m anxious all the time, consumed with thoughts about work. I try to keep things in perspective but my focus always end back on work. My wife and kids are suffering from my miserable attitude.

Im tired. This anxiety is exhausting.

If you read all of this, I appreciate it. I’m not expecting any feedback as I just really needed to get this off my chest.

[J760]

I’m sorry you are having such a difficult time. I also suffer from OCD (without the compulsions) along with depression and social anxiety. At times my OCD has taken over my life where I could not get obsessive thoughts out of my head so I understand how you feel. This past summer, I was having a difficult time with obsessive thoughts and depression. It got to the point where I could not stop thinking - I wish I were dead. I am currently taking sertraline and bupropion as well as lorazepam as needed. I am also seeing a counselor who introduced me to mindfulness. The meds and the mindfulness are the most helpful to me. Mindfulness is being in the moment and focused on what you are doing and not letting your thoughts take over. Have you talked to you to your psychiatrist about taking additional meds to help as needed? Also, does your counselor specialize in treating OCD and use mindfulness? You tube has good videos with Jon Kabat Zinn on mindfulness. My counselor had me start with his body scan. it’s very relaxing and will take your mind off of obsessive thinking. There is also a course on mindfulness you can buy on SoundsTrue.com. I am still on my journey, and struggle at times learning how to manage my anxiety and depression. I wish the best for you on your journey and the strength to believe in yourself.

[sshawn in reply to J760]

I am working with a therapist who is working with me on practicing mindfulness to manage my obsessive thinking. Unfortunately when a stressful situation comes about it’s hard to combat the negative thinking.

I’m glad to hear you’re managing better and appreciate your input. Thank you for the well wishes.

[Simonn]

I totally understand lots of my anxiety has been about work and oddly because of the lack of actual work being worried about being let go.

Read this it may help effectivetherapysolutions.c...

[sshawn in reply to Simonn]

Thank you for the link, very insightful reading. I hope everything works out for you.

[Stilltrying_]

Thank you so much for the link. It has really helped me and given me a lot of information about my condition. Gemmalouise x

[Hidden]

Hiya, sorry to hear about your work issues. I can empathise with what you say about not trusting yourself and constantly checking and re-checking work. I can also see this this from the perspective of a line manager. Have you discussed this with your manager? Any decent line manager would want to offer you reassurance about the quality of your work and, also put in place some reasonable adjustments to assist you. A fundamental part of the role of a manager is to support their staff and ensure that they are not overburdened with work. Also, this is something I would raise with your HR/Personnel officer and occupational health unit, if you have one. A long standing mental health issue may constitute a disability under the Disability Discrimination Act, if you are in the UK. Take care,

[Windy101]

I'm glad you let it out about how you're feeling. Stuffing all that can just add to the misery.

One thing you could do is sign up for the Americans With Disabilities Act. If you have OCD, you should qualify. Your employer will be required to provide you with reasonable accommodations that might make your work like easier. They cannot spread it all over the company, either.

The hospital is such a supportive environement and then - crash! Back to reality. I encourage you to make your real life as supportive as you can so you can get back to better health. You did not choose OCD. A stressful work environment where people don't understand won't help. It sounds like you really need more support and aftercare so that you can have the work and family life that you want.

You do have rights, and I hope you'll take advantage of them. In time you may recover to the point you don't need accommodations anymore. But until then, it's the law, and it's there to protect people just like you and me.

[sshawn]

Thank you for the kind words and advise. I greatly appreciate it. It definitely helps when it comes from people who can relate and understand what you’re going through.