What does everyone do when they feel like life is getting to much? Do you ever feel like you are self sabotaging? I have been feeling very depressed lately and keep thinking that everything I do is because I do it to myself. It’s like I am not happy with my life, or maybe my partner, my job! I have no idea what it is. My emotions are just all over the place. My partner of 8 years says that I never want to be around him. I am always depressed and isolate myself. We have not had sex in months. I seriously feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Sorry needed to vent. Hope this makes sense. I spiraled!
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naty040212
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Hi. Please don't apologize. We are here to listen! I think I sometimes self-sabotage by doing things that make me feel bad about myself. Maybe I do it because I feel I deserve it. I know it has to do with a poor self image.
Thank you for your kind words. Oh yeah I know I have a very low self esteem. And I know for sure that has to be since my childhood. I always had friends that never cared about me as much as I cared about them. I was always second. I had friends that would hang out with me and then when someone better came along they would go with them and leave me hanging. Then other stuff. It’s crazy how things that happen in our childhood affect us now years later.
I am going through a similar situation we were engaged and I started having panic attacks that lead to depression and me leaving him and my job. Now I am back with both but I still feel depressed. Sometimes it feels like my life is on repeat and im not really living it
Why do you think you feel like that?Yes! That is a really good way to put it. It’s like I am going to work, coming home, blah blah but then I am not really there.
yes i feel the same way. Idk i think my brain is stuck in grief from all that has happend, and feeling overwhelmed. Also, possibly due to the medication I am on lack of motivation. Why do you think you feel this way? Did you feel this way towards your partner before being depressed or after just curious?
Idk to be honest. I have thought that maybe it’s because I don’t love him anymore but then yesterday we were talking and something that he said stuck to me so now I think I started feeling like this when the pandemic happened. My depression got really bad then and maybe it just stuck
omg thats so weird I feel the same way Idk what is the "depression" and what is me. I know i care about him but i dont feel a strong connection anymore.
Yeah I get you. I haven’t felt a strong connection to him in a while also. And when the pandemic hit I got way worse and I don’t think I have gotten completely better. I stopped working until last August. I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom so man it was hard.
I don’t have a coping mechanism. I still struggle. I still isolate myself. Our relationship has gone down hill because even though I am home it feels like I am not because I barely talk to him. I just started Cbt therapy so hopefully that helps. We have been together for 8yrs, he raised my son since he was 1 and we have a 5yr old daughter so it is truly hard to just say I quit. How do I know that my love for him is gone? How do I know if my bipolar, anxiety and depression is just playing games with me and making my emotions scramble.? It is truly hard, exhausting and I am truly tired of it.
i totally get it i feel like that too. I know we have had good times together but all i think about is the bad. I am going on a trip so i'm hoping that will give me a break to relax. i think a therapist sounds good it is nice to talk to people to get a different perspective
I honestly have no idea. We had talked about a week ago and he was saying that how can we work on our relationship when I should be working on myself first. Which I get. I am constantly anxious and stressed over us and myself. It’s hard to have to focus on me and us.
I thought you said you guys broke up?But yeah I get what your saying. I just got off the phone with my therapist and he said that I need to write 3 things each day of what good happened to me that day and it will take time but I can lift my self worth/self esteem with time
What jumped out at me was "I am always depressed and I isolate myself". A symptom of depression is a tendency to isolate, which then causes other problems, and the snowball rolls into more problems. Because isolation is a choice, its something you can actively address. Combat your tendency to isolate by recognizing it, and force yourself to do the opposite. Reach out to people to maintain and even strengthen connections because social support is a protective factor. Bring your partner in on what you are feeling and your negative desire to isolate. Help them understand what you are fighting, and find a way to make them an ally, rather than an outsider. don't give in to that isolation, it will worsen your depression and make it harder to feel connected to the world you live in. Its akin to building a barrier to protect yourself from life, but it can quickly become a prison that locks you out. Guaranteed to make your depression worse. Address the desire to isolate in a proactive way. Force yourself to make the uncomfortable, but necessary choice to engage. I suggest building a connection with a good therapist who you can let in to your painful world. It may be less scary to let a therapist in first, and may make it easier to restore the connection with your partner. Its all about connection. Good luck, you can act on this and produce improvement.
Yes I understand. I use to go to him a lot but then I stopped because I always felt like I was smothering him with my issues. I don’t feel like I can go to anyone but my therapist with my issues. I always feel like I am being a burden to everyone around me. And when I have tried to talk to him I get mad and scream because of something stupid. I am also bipolar so my emotions switch.
Remember, feeling like a burden is also a symptom of depression, so its not always easy to tell if that feeling is accurate. But I so hear what you're saying. Its really difficult, I'm glad you have a good therapist you can confide it. Remember to be very patient with yourself and remind yourself (and your hubby) that you are doing the very best you can.I like to use guided meditations to give me the positive input I need when I'm having trouble finding it in myself. Just a thought.
Yeah I definitely know it is but it still doesn’t make me feel right. My therapist got like sick of some sort so I haven’t seen him for 2-3 weeks now! 😩 it’s weird because meditation works on a lot of people but it’s to quiet for me. It will make my anxiety worse because I have to much to think about.
Just wanted to clarify "guided meditations", basically following wherever the guide, or the journey leads you. I like affirmations too because I can be doing other things while the positive messages sink in. you tube has tons for specific topics for both affirmations and guided meditations, such as: to relax, or emotion release, to sleep, to address grief, anxiety, panic attacks, even just morning to begin your day. For awhile I just had the need to be reminded that I'm safe, that I'm making progress, to restore faith in myself.Just a tip, in case you're not aware of the tools that are out there for free. 😊
Hi friend. Don't ever apologize for venting ESPECIALLY on a forum designed for this exact purpose. I am always here to listen if you need a friend or just someone to talk to. I have found speaking to strangers is a bit easier for me because I feel less judged. I understand completely when you speak of self sabotaging, it's crazy because often times you don't realize that you are doing it until you look back and I often beat myself up about it afterward. I have gotten to where I come home from work and all I want to do to relax is take a bath and do house hold things, don't ask me to go anywhere because my anxiety often flares up when that happens. I have learned some things from my therapist that I see once a week that has been helping me so I can share them. She has told me that often times when this happens it's because there's been some trauma in our past that we maybe haven't worked through (even if we aren't aware of it). I for instance have noticed that it probably started throughout my childhood and lack of confidence in who I was and what I had to offer. She has shown me different ways as in "writing a note to your younger self" so it's supposed to be for me to give myself probably what I would've needed to hear at that age as well as different coping mechanisms for them. If you are able to see a therapist I would definitely recommend it for different coping mechanisms or even looking at Youtube and different behavioral therapies that would help. I hope you are able to do a few things to retrain your brain and find some relief in the future!!! 💕
Hi thank you! Yeah speaking with strangers is definitely helpful. I see my therapist once a week and he says self love is big. I do know that my low self esteem comes from childhood. When I was little I had friends that always put me second. Like they would hang out with me and then find someone else. I never thought that would affect me as much as it does. Maybe that is why I literally only have about 3 friends but my cousin is the one I can trust with my life. She is like my sister.
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