Suggestions on dealing with loneliness

[Pug_Power]

Hello , I have anxiety and depression with some ptsd. I have a very hard time being alone as it frightens me at times. . It's the lack of human contact , face to face conversation. I get scared at times being alone , feels like I'm climbing the walls. I'm home all day and it's difficult to fill all that time and even then it's doing everything alone. Anyone else have this problem and suggestions. Loneliness is a very sad and hard thing deal with for most I know .

[Ricco2]

Get involved in some church activities.

[Arymretep]

Hi, are you working from home, if not it hard trying to fill in the long hours, do you have any hobbies at all, maybe you could join some sort of club or whatever is going on in your area , i think most of us are the same , being on your own is ok for a while but when it’s 24/7 it can get to us.

[Pug_Power in reply to Arymretep]

Hello recently retired at 57 so it is hard filling a 24/7 day when you live alone. Family and friends have moved away . I keep in contact but it's not the same as a local visit to do things in person. I'm in the northeast and winters can make this worse . Meetup type activities not to robust around here. When you dont have someone living with you it gets hard , no face to face conversation. I'm not a couch potato and as you get older much harder to meet people but I never stop trying

[san_ray70 in reply to Pug_Power]

Why don't you try starting a club for people like you, I think you will find there are plenty. If not, volunteer at a charity shop or dog home. Something to give new meaning to your life. I moved away from home 18 years ago to re marry. I have joined a church and several different clubs, also belong to a choir. On top of all this we run a pensioners club and I phone people like you who are lonely.

[Pug_Power in reply to san_ray70]

Hello, sounds like you are doing a lot of things to help people which is nice. My biggest problem is I have never been alone my entire life until recently and at 57 it's a tough adjustment. I'm use to having close people around to visit and spend time with, there all gone. I also have a hard time doing things alone , always use to having someone to do things with . I have volunteered in the past and will have to pick that up again , although its rewarding not quite the same but I like to give back. Also have to get back to church as I am a religious person but again it's not quite the same as having someone living with you or family and friends close by. I have a lot of time on my hands and although I try to fill it all its just not enough. Other issue is I have a fear of being alone causes me a lot of anxiety and that doesn't help , a bit deep rooted back to my childhood abandonment. Thank you for the advice and reaching out , we all wish there was a magic wand to fix things but there isn't . Just have to keep working on things and I do but it's not easy ...

[Blueruth]

Shift your mindset. Start calling it being alone for one. Do you know there isn’t even a translation for loneliness in most other languages? Closest is solitude. Start with intentionally being curious. What would it be like to really do something you enjoy without thinking about as a filler? Artists, musicians, craft people all work a ton of hours alone. They would never be able to do it without being curious. Maybe it isn’t that kind of curious. How would it be to try a meetup or other group that does something you enjoy or something you have never tried?

I should ask…Why are you not socializing?

If you want a couple podcasts on the subject I will look them up.

[Pug_Power in reply to Blueruth]

Hello, Honestly all my friends have moved out of state and I. keep in touch with them via text phone but it's not the same as being local where you can visit and do things together . I'm 57 and the older you get the harder it is to meet people. It's a reality . I never give up just hasnt panned out. Meetup is great in certain areas but in my part of the northeast it's really not robust with activities.

[Blueruth in reply to Pug_Power]

I’m 56 and do new Meetups all the time. Most are mixed age groups. Last night I went to dinner with a group of 6. Yes I agree it is harder to make friends but it is easy to meet people. That is why I say to change your mindset. I am alone a lot. I would love a partner but I don’t feel lonely most of the time.

I’m from the northeast. Everyone goes inside for the winter, that is true. I can’t imagine you can’t find a food or hiking event. There are also a ton of online meetups. Check Denver cinema. They watch a movie independently and discuss online. You can be anywhere.

Inertia is a difficult thing but you can take baby steps.

[Pug_Power in reply to Blueruth]

That's great, it seems like you have adjusted to it pretty well but I know it took work and it didnt happen overnight. I definitely dont do well being alone, just the way I've always been. I work at it with therapy and try to adjust as well as take suggestions from others like yourself to cope better. I think the hardest part is that its 24/7. I can keep busy part of the day but eventually you run out of things to do. And when your not a couch potato it's hard. I appreciate your suggestions.

[Blueruth in reply to Pug_Power]

You should try atomic tasks by James clear. There is also a generous website and many interviews. You are not old. everything starts small. For example…Stand up and stretch your arms every day you are on the couch …literally that is a way to start. Miss a day? Everyone does. Start again. Don’t want to stand… start with a band and do back flossing. Just try it. Every time you stand up or move intentionally you are not a couch potato.You ask for and seem to appreciate the suggestions. Now I suggest you try one thing. ☝🏽

[Marysblue]

Volunteer at events, with homeless or whatever interests you. Meet up, Next door ap are good for meeting locals.

[Pug_Power]

Hi, yes I've found loneliness as hard or harder to deal with then my anxiety or depression. Just an awful feeling. I can tell you really understand. I hope your not experiencing it yourself. I too have found some comfort with god. Thank you for reaching out.

[mvillarreal]

I know it's not the same as human contact, but do you have any animals you could spend time with? Sometimes, the company of animals can be better than nothing.

[Pug_Power in reply to mvillarreal]

Hello, I do , I have a wonderful dog that does help a lot. I lost my other dog recently of 17 years that was honestly my best friend and it's been devastating. This loneliness also stems from a phobia I have called monophobia. (Fear of being alone) have had it about 8 years now. Most people have never heard of it , not pleasant. Thank you for reaching out

[mvillarreal in reply to Pug_Power]

I'm sorry to hear about the dog that passed away. I wonder, would you consider attending a house of worship at all? Even if you don't consider yourself religious, it could be a wonderful way to spend some time in community. Some of the most inclusive places of worship I know of (not homophobic, no hellfire and brimstone theology, generally mental health-aware, etc.) are Reform, Reconstructionist, and Revivalist synagogues; United Church of Christ, Metropolitan Community Church, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Presbyterian Church (USA), Disciples of Christ, and some United Methodist churches; and the Unitarian Universalist church, which is a church that includes people of many faiths (including atheism and Humanism).

[Pug_Power in reply to mvillarreal]

Hi, thank you for your kind words about my dog. It's been a devastating loss. I actually am very religious and attended church prior to covid as there have been so many restrictions. I'm also considering a new church. I agree it can offer some additional peace .

[Hidden]

Hi! I use to be so afraid of being alone. Always had the doors locked and was severely anxious and if I thought I heard a sound I would panic. Now I've learned to enjoy it. The more time I spent alone the more I got use to it. The silence is nice now. It took lots of therapy. I believe you can get to the point where you're no longer afraid. My heart goes out to you. As, a younger version of me can totally relate. 💚

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Sorry I don't have any tips other than therapy.

[Pug_Power in reply to Hidden]

Hi, thank you very much for the response. I'm glad you were able to get past it as it can be very distressing at times. Its basically a phobia called monophobia. I've been in therapy a long time and unfortunately have made progress but far from cured.

[Hidden in reply to Pug_Power]

I'm sorry. If you need someone to talk to I'm always here.

[Pug_Power in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, that's very kind.

[Hidden in reply to Pug_Power]

You're welcome. Hang in there.