dark thoughts

[Lookingforhope20100]

lately, I've been having these dark thoughts and feelings and I just wish they would go away I've tried everything I can think of meditation chakra balance story writing but still the same dark thoughts and irritation just the smallest things are getting to me today like for example I was trying to log in on my new laptop and it wouldn't let me, and I felt like I was just going to start crying. I wanted to say I had a good day but in reality, it sucked my mother isn't talking to me not that I care all we do is fight anymore... she is a drug addict and I'm in recovery so we clash a lot but mostly its because my bipolar mood swings are everywhere right now and it's getting hard to stay positive but mostly it all my mother's fault she is always stealing my stuff she doesn't care about me the way a mother should she has always been the child and me the parent for as long as I can remember. my grandma took care of me a raised me and she is in the hospital I found out she can come home Tuesday but the house is a mess everything it falling apart and I don't know what to do no one will help me so today my dark thoughts came in and I couldn't push them away I kept thinking about hurting myself or worse (in my opinion) get high and forget everything it would be so easy to slip back into that life but I can't because I can't I won't raise my little girl the way my mother raised me I wrote her a letter telling her how I feel and trying to explain all that I'm going through but I just can't give it to her because if I do she will get sad and if she get gets sad she uses more and them we just explode on each other.

[Roxylox]

Absolutely feel for you.l too am bipolar. It is hard enougn to deal wih that without outside factors getting to you.

If your mother is an addict then she won't be rational.

Do you have anyone who can help you with housework ?

I really only had help from family when l had an episode where l really became overwhelmed with everything.

I had many clashes with my eldest daughter when she was younger.

I feel l was majorly at fault myself as l was the adult.

Thimk of your little daughtet perhaps when you have those dark thoughts.

Try and get enough rest.

My thoughts are with you.

[blackcat64013]

I would love to send you an e-hug from Australia. Here it is 🤗. I am sorry to hear life has hit a speed bump.Are you able to look for extra support outside your family? I am not familiar with the USA health services so will use terminology from Australia.

Our States run community mental health centres. We have 24/7 phone support available. You don't have to be in crisis to use it. Some non-government organisations also work in the mental health area. I encourage you to look these up online and take the opportunity to reach out for the help you need.

💜 🦘

[dolphinluvr1977]

I wish i lived close enough to come help with the house because cleaning calms my mind & my mind is racing. All i can say is remember your little one and try meditation & breathing exercises. Sometimes they help me get through some tuff times with my mom. Sending positive vibes to you & thinking about you.

[Lookingforhope20100 in reply to dolphinluvr1977]

Thank you this group helps me a lot and so do all the people and there kindness I did end up cleaning the house by myself took a lot out of me though