I’m feeling the dark thoughts creep in again

[SunIsShining]

I know that being around people is supposed to help depression, being social is supposed to really help, but I feel like the more time I spend around my family the worse I become. Kind of hard to keep my distance when we’re all quarantined in the same house

[maslater]

It is hard, if your an introvert like me make sure you are getting some alone time to meditate even if you just put on your head phones

[SunIsShining in reply to maslater]

That’s a fantastic idea, thanks! What kind of music do you listen to? Or do you do a guided meditation?

[Hidden]

I hear you and I am sorry that you are experiencing this. It is a very rough time for many of us. It is hard to be so close to people who contribute to your discomfort. Being social does not always help depression; that is a fallacy for sure because sometimes people can be and are very hurtful. Being in a positive, supportive social environment can do wonders for your mood, your psychology, and ego. We expect our families to care and treat us with respect and it hurts deeply when they don't. [I am STILL weeks later, I think this is week three waiting for my family to reach out... I live alone for crying out loud I could have died weeks ago...]. I am sorry for that. Is there work that you can do? Online? Alone in a room? Is there something you've always wanted to study that you can audit online and get alone time away from them? [I am auditing a statistics class on coursera (sp?)]. Keep posting here when you need or want to. Good luck and I hope you find some solace today.

[SunIsShining in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! It sounds like we have a lot in common actually. I’m with my family now but the last time I was on my own they wouldn’t call me at all but if I reached out once a month I was “clingy”. I’m sorry it’s happening to you, I know how sucky it feels. It sounds like you’re dealing and making the best of it though which is amazing! Keep it the good work!

[Hidden in reply to SunIsShining]

I wish there were people around me, yet I don't want to downplay what you are going through. (I went through the I messed up my last relationship and that's why I'm spending this time all alone in my wonderfully equipped tiny doll house and I messed it up because I'm a horrible person and on and on and on and on.. I went down that rabbit hole earlier this week.. none of it is true). What I believe this is doing, for me anyway, is exposing the cracks-- where I haven't yet healed. It is also showing me what I need and want from friends, from lovers, from acquaintances. It was very interesting to see how people I've been texting reacted to my one line crying out... VERY. And, yes, because everyone is going through it, I have extended grace to those who gave me what I most certainly did not need or want, and likely hurt me. FYI, as for being too clingy-- people will make you out to be the bad guy when they most certainly know that there is nothing at all with you reaching out to them (likely, they feel guilty they didn't do it first). My last social event: I remember saying, I do not think my mom has called me in almost 30 years, longer than the person I was talking to has been alive. I called her right before the stay at home orders .. she lives with my sister. I HAVE RECEIVED NARY A TEXT, CALL, NOTHING. I was scheduled to go home twice this year to see them. Certainly rethinking that pretty hard. (I will go .. but likely not twice). Oh also, about a year ago I was having a very hard time... though I didn't bombard anyone with texts. In fact I refrained from texting. Three weeks later I received a text from a friend (who we used to exchange about 100 texts a day) and she said that she just didn't have any emotional reserve for me... well, okay.. that's fine even though I NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING AT ALL. Another friend about the same time (a week later) said she couldn't text me anymore because "Every time I try to help, I end up feeling hurt." She is a therapist by profession. I said, Girl, Bye. People who have a way of turning you into the bad one, the user, the one who sucks energy, all of that and with their words push you away, you can keep them in your life but know that they likely will never, ever give you want you want or need: unconditional support (as it will be coupled with something negative you did/didn't do in their minds). I always feel good when I reach out to people who are hurting when I am coming from a place of trying to help them. Always. Be suspicious of those who don't.

Anyway, have a wonderful day and you are not clingy for reaching out to people monthly....

[Hidden]

Just keep trying to take some time out to be alone and do something calming and relaxing 💕

[SunIsShining in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the support! I think that’s what I needed most

[HisChild4ever]

I am sorry! Do you think you can take walks outside? Maybe one in the morning and one later in the afternoon. Walking outdoors can help clear your head. Presently, meeting with a therapist is not possible for everyone, but walks outside can help a lot. Maybe you can also go to your room and read or listen to music. I am sorry that your depression gets worse! I pray that you feel better.

[SunIsShining in reply to HisChild4ever]

That’s great advice, thank you! I think I’m doing better right now but it’s definitely a constant effort to do so. I appreciate your prayers! I can definitely use them

[HisChild4ever]

I am glad you are doing better right now. Take care of yourself. Do what is necessary to feel better. You are an important person and you deserve to be well. We are living in hard times. We need to be strong and make the best of our situations. Wishing you many blessings!