Lost again in the Darkness

[Kiltyman]

I've been travelling life's road and convinced myself that I was cured. That my inner strength had beaten the demon who has plagued me for so many years. But I was sadly mistaken. Like a ghost from the past the demon found my inner hiding place and has come back with a vengeance the likes which has almost incapacitated me to the point of thoughts of just saying the hell with this... I just don't have the strength to start this all over again! I'm asking whoever reads this to pray for my shattered soul. My heart is heavy with loneliness. I've become a recluse. I have no interest in life anymore. So much deceit, so many lies, so little compassion for others. It's like I've just woken up in a world that just has no room for me. I'm afraid to ask for help. In afraid they'll put me in a hospital and leave me there to die alone and unwanted. God I'm feeling so low. Give me the strength to take this one day at a time as I search for the way out of the darkness before it consumes me totally.

[petsrlove]

Hi Kittyman, I totally get what u are saying and I'm do sorry u feel this too.. I feel exactly the same in my last few years of not being employed... I have become a recluse from my friends and things I used to do. I miss my life! I'm highly embarrassed that u can't maintain employment. First time in my life and I want and need to work.

I have little support from my adult sisters and its been very very hard! I'm hoping this support group can benefit you and me!,

[Hidden]

Do you go to church or temple? Do you have neighbours that might help you? I hope you are managing by yourself. I love to be alone with my own thoughts

[Roxylox]

There are plenty of us out here Kiltyman, us lonely people. We are not all alone , but many of us lack the company of lime-minded souls.

Those demons will pop up from time to time to upset us.

I too have been affected by the deceit and lack of compassion of others , but have learned to cope better with the help of a few support groups, including this one.

I would say it is unlikely you would be put in a hospital long-term. That certainly doesn't happen any more in my country anyhow.

[samack]

Hey Kittyman

I'm sympathetic with your situation as much mirrors mine. If you got through this before, you will again. Was there an event or a trigger that started this phase? Then you know what supportive treatment to choose. For example, mine is trauma, and my life and beliefs/defenses dying. An internal process.

No hospital keeps you anymore. They work on medications which you can do outpatient, unless you feel like you will hurt yourself. I support you in this dark part of your journey to find a light place. Best.

[Hidden]

Just wanted to tell you I know how you feel, you are not alone.💖

[Kiltyman in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Midori]

Sometimes it only takes a small upset to throw us out of whack.

Partly I put it down to the uncertaincies of Covid (It's dragging on so darned long!)

People are seeking help for mental health conditions far more than before it hit, and every time it seems to be easing, it roars back for another go!

Could this perhaps be part of it for you?

Cheers, Midori

[IndianaGuy]

Same thing happened to me six months ago. Try to remember that your mind is lying to you. Take life one minute at a time if you have to. You can get better again!

[Hollick]

Hi Kiltyman, I can relate to so much of what you said on your post..I'm scared, turning into a recluse slowly, and I can't bear the thought...the loneliness is very real and painful, everything you said about the world having no room for us..🙏wherever you are, praying for the both of us, please respond if you can..

[Kiltyman in reply to Hollick]

Thank you for your message. Our world is changing so fast it's hard to keep up. That only fuels the feelings of non- inclusion and distance from the younger generation. They don't want to include us...they want to cancel us like everything else they have no use for. I'm a 15 year army veteran. This year was the first year I did not attend Remembrance day ceremonies. I acknowledged my veteran brothers alone at home. No wonder so many of us are struggling today. And no one gives a damn. Sorry to be so pessimistic but reality is often a dark place. Hope we both feel better soon.

[Hollick in reply to Kiltyman]

Thank you for your quick response. Once again, you speak so much truth, and found all the right words to explain my feelings that are currently dark. The world is very didvided, and the pandeminc certainly didn't help. The younger generations have a very different mentality, times have certainly changed, sadly. Do you get out at all, when you talk about being reclusive, Ive too have lost all interest in life and it scares me. Nothing really brings me joy, nothing like medications seem to help. Feel very lost, and desperately lonely.

[Kiltyman in reply to Hollick]

Loneliness is a terrible feeling. It makes us uncertain as to why we should even bother to try. It's worse than any other feeling. But I'm sure it can be overcome. I continue to search for answers. I'm not a quitter. It's hard I know. But anytime you want to talk you have a friend. We understand each other. Maybe we can help each other.

[Nothing_but_books]

Hi Kiltyman. Hold on to the almost in "almost incapacitated". The demon didn't win.

When you wrote:

" So much deceit, so many lies, so little compassion for others..." did you mean you saw this behavior from others, or it was what you were feeling? Either way, I'm sorry.

I wanted to let you know I care. Keep writing please.

[Kiltyman in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I really did mean "others". Deceit, lying and lack of compassion are not part of my mental issues. Just a contributor to our overall wellness. Is all I was trying to say.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Kiltyman]

I'm sorry if I offended you.It seemed as though things were improving for you for a while. This forum , at least, has a caring place for you. Write me if there is something I can do.

[Kiltyman in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Please you did not offend me. Just expressing an opinion. I do appreciate your reply