Need honest advice..

[bgkg]

I feel like my whole life I’ve been on pause. There are so many things I want to do and everytime I find reasons not to do them. I am a dreamer who gets in my own way. I am 30 years old and I just started a new job and a good career. But I need to leave my hometown. I can’t be here anymore. Life is moving on for everyone and I feel stuck in quicksand. But is it too late for me? Everyone has friends established in their 30s it seems like. Would I be able to make new friends? Is making a move to somewhere totally new in your 30s irresponsible and a recipe for deeper loneliness and sadness? I just feel like my life is so stagnant and it doesn’t help me mentally. I want to make memories. And if I am single, I don’t want to spend my life heartbroken. I want to make a fulfilling life for myself until I decide I want to take the risk of putting myself back out there again or not. I don’t know.. I know people say it’s never to late but I just want honest direction on what anyone may think. Thank you for listening ❤️

[Blueruth]

Just do it! I moved at 26... not too much younger. You will make friends. Join some meetup groups or meet people at work. Making friends after 30 is not the same as making friends in high school but you do. Research cities with a young average age like Denver and Seattle. I graduated at ~30 and have changed careers multiple times since then. You will probably do the same because that is so statistically likely that it is almost bad to be in the same field for 20 years.No you are not too young. People of all ages find a reason to migrate. That is what humans do. If you wait until you have kids (if you choose to) it is much harder but not impossible. Many people start their life over after their kids have grown too. There is no age boundary.

[Hidden]

I think sometimes some situations are a damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of thing. Maybe it would be helpful to you to write out a big pros and cons list for yourself about this decision you need to make. I watch and listen to Steve Harvey sometimes, he has some stuff on YouTube. He talks about taking a leap of faith, how sometimes you have to do that in life or you’re just playing it safe and not going to get anywhere. I have some of my own issues I’m struggling with, I’m older than you, I’m 51, I’ve been surviving on disability and I’m tired of it and I want to be able to hold down a regular job and be done with it. However it seems like just about every job I get, for one reason or another I don’t last very long at it, and it’s very frustrating. In life there are no guarantees, and when you get knocked down you’ve just got to learn to get back up again and not give up. It’s not that easy to try to be independent and supporting yourself, I don’t think it’s that easy for men either. It seems to me that you’ve been presented with an opportunity here, I wouldn’t let fear hold you back. You may not get a chance like this again. I don’t know all the details, but my gut feeling I’m having is go for it!!!!

[AndrewT]

Dear dgkg,

Do you want a 'Short Answer' or a 'Long Answer', to your question...how about both? Short answer Yes You Can, but ONLY if You are prepared to join a Health Club, Church, the WI- or similar- even frequent a Bar (if that's your 'thing'). I would suggest, that you start with, the Local Library.

A Longer Answer would 'say' a similar Thing but, would ask, you to Look Into Yourself- maybe ask yourself 'What's Stopping Me? Are you Secretly Scared of 'Change'...leaving your Old Home, Moving somewhere no-one Knows you? (not ALL bad surely, no more Sally and her Air Horns, No more Chris and his 'Hilarious Pranks!'... and who was that 'Creep' at the Halloween Party?).

Yes a 'Wrench' certainly, maybe a Risk too, but one Worth Taking.... you are still Young and, I'm sure, Attractive and could- very well- 'find' your Price Charming (though you Will have to Look, he won't knock on your door!) Why not 'Kid Yourself' that you will find an Old School Friend? Didn't Sally Move to LA, or was it Boston, New York or DC... didn't you always want to see the Capitol? So Load Up your car, take the Highway, Interstate or... just find Route 66- many people get 'Lost', on there, for Years. (just DON'T get too 'Lost' though).

Before you Know It, your will be Forty-Five years old, have a three year old daughter, a Camper Van, a Husband- of Five Years- and 'Friends' in Michigan, The Big Apple and 'Frisco.

So Basically, to finally Answer your question, You CAN 'Do' this- IF you are prepared to make a Clean Break (yes even from Aunt Stella) and just Follow your Heart/ Dreams.

Go For It Girl!

AndrewT

[Dell12345]

Hi bgkg, It sounds like you're in a bit of a quandary.

My thoughts are: is moving going to solve your problems or could they be solved where you are?

You may need to identify what you feel the big issues are, make a list, and then work through possible solutions to each. Including how moving or staying would be helpful for each one.

A lot of people move somewhere thinking a new location will solve their problems, only to find that their problems follow them.

If you genuinely think there is something in the new location that you can't access where you are then go for it. However you may well find that staying and changing a few things (like joining a couple of new clubs or activity groups) would actually help too.

[Midori]

Why do you feel you must leave your home town?

I must admit to being concerned that you feel you are stuck and don't take action to help yourself get out of the quicksand.

Can you force yourself into action to move? I moved recently, 300+ miles to a new place; I needed a bungalow as stairs

were getting too much for me. I procrastinated, with the result I had to leave a lot of stuff behind, but in a backhanded way, it worked!

I'm a lot older than you, but a new place and new connections to make may stimulate you, but take care you don't backslide into your old ways, it's very easy to do.

I'm very happy in my bungalow, but have to take care not to buy too much!

Cheers,Midori

[Daveacr1959]

It sounds like you are an introvert vs extrovert? Some people have a hard time making friends. And friends are not a driving force for a happy life. I have a wife of 42 years and 2 grown kids and grandkids. And they are my life along with trying to make a living. I am an extrovert and my family fills my needs. If you like your town I would stay? If you don’t like your town and job opportunities I would move. But I am steering you to stay if you have family there . Family is everything.