Honest opinions and answer anyone? - Anxiety and Depre...

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Honest opinions and answer anyone?


So I thought about going through with surgery and I feel like what if I still feel the same. When I think about changing myself I feel sad because how can I know who truly loves me for who I really am, but at the same time I can’t take much more rejections. I’m going to be blunt ok...l.i really believe that people don’t hold nothing personal against me it’s just people are extremely curious and judgmental to anyone who looks or acts differently from the normal society. I also understand that there are a lot of jerks who will put you down or judge you harshly on your appearance because we all judge to a certain degree. No way in hell that every single person who judges is evil I refuse to believe that. I’m confused because I feel like surgery will help me and at the same time what if things don’t go the way I want it will that be the last nail in the coffin because I’m pretty damaged already. I don’t know how others who live with facial disfigurement are able to do it, but for me it’s extremely tough. It’s been 10 years of Rejection and discrimination for me so I’ve tried literally everything in my power to love myself. What if surgery changes my life for the better? It’s not like I’m making a complete make over too just a few minor changes. I feel like looks relate to status and wealth also. I mean what if people only love you because your rich or famous. Even celebrities and models are deppressed! So confused. I kinda don’t want to hear “love or accept yourself” cause apparently it’s not working. Still though Any feedback would be nice thank you! I forgot to mention also what if I become more insecure and self conscious if I do go through with surgery:( thanks!

26 Replies

I say go for the surgery. If you feel like it can help you for the better then jump in. I was watching a documentary the other day of a artist who built masks for men who was disfigured in the war. She took pictures of them and followed the structure of their face to build the masks. The soliders were so happy to feel normal again. So like I said before, go for it.

Hey thank you so much for the info you provided of the soldiers in war and the positive feedback. You are probably the first person to genuinely answer this with an open mind. I’m terrified that people will think I gave up to society’s standards:( it’s hard though at least for me.

Everyone has their own battles and no one will care for you as you yourself will. Keep me updated on the surgery. I'm sure you'll come out great! Plus I know surgery is scary. I've had surgery twice and have come out fine.

I will try my best to update you guys on it if I do go through with it. Need to really think it through.

Im all for self love but if you feel like the surgery will help you should do it but surgery or not you still going to have to work on loving yourself no matter how hard it may seems it's extremely important

Thanks for sure..you are right it’s going to be very tough though I’m very traumatized from my past and current. Thank you again for the support!


I had surgery because of an embarrassing disfigurement I had. Once I had the surgery i never obsessed or felt bad about myself physically again. I also didn’t feel that I gave into societal pressure, I just wanted to correct something.

Benny3221 in reply to Hidden

Omg I need your help since you been through it. Do you feel better or worst? How much time before you accept the new you.?Can you recover and be the same person or half of what you use to be? Will I be deppressed when the surgery is done or is it more of a phase? Thank you! Oh yea I’ve been mentally broken for almost a decade so I don’t know if surgery will help what do you think?

Hidden in reply to Benny3221

I felt relieved, it was something that was on my mind everyday for years. It took a couple weeks to realize I didn’t have to worry about it again and it wasn’t coming back. I don’t see how you could be depressed after the surgery, again for me it felt like a new beginning. If this is something that has tormented you for years getting surgery will be healing for you.

Benny, the 'what if's' can drive us crazy. And they haven't even happened.

Have you had a good talk with your surgeon? Asked him what is the success rate for someone with your particular problem? What, exactly, can you expect? What about length of recovery? How many times has he done surgery for your particular issue? Can he provide you with references from past patients? i think it is important to find the right surgeon, and you can do this by asking questions.

Here are a couple of websites you might find useful:



Best wishes for whatever you decide.

It is a tough decision, and I can understand your reluctance. However I'm Notcrazy made some excellent points in support of having the surgery.

Benny3221 in reply to Krazie

Hi krazie:) I know the what if’s are killing me! Really appreciate the sites thanks a bunch. Yes I will be making sure that if I do go through with surgery it’ll be with the right one! Again I can’t think you all enough from the bottom of my heart. Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Benny, Thanks. You are one of the sweetest, most lovable people I know. :)

Benny3221 in reply to Krazie

I’m ok:) not a saint, but pretty decent :)

Modest, too, are you? There is another good attribute.

Blessings to you, Benny.

Benny3221 in reply to Krazie

Hey blessings to you as well. Best wishes! Take good care also!


While I know this movie is a comedy watching it when I was very young taught me to empathize with people who might look different from what society holds up as normal. Everyone wants to be normal and accepted. If surgery might lighten your burden then I say try it out. Better to have tried than to spend life wondering.


Ha I smiled this reminds me that in reality no ones truly perfect it’s probably what’s making us deppressed...sigh...o well still thinking about the surgery:) thanks for the funny clip made me a tad happier:)

Benny... people like you on this site and can’t see you.... so taking out any external judgments, this should prove to you that on the inside you are someone people want to know.

Using help from someone that can match your outside to your inside is a great thing. Something you should think of as an answered prayer that will make you more confident and bring you a little peace. You are not doing anything wrong, by wanting inside you and outside you to blend together. It’s what most of us are lucky to have and what you deserve.

I hope you have the strength to go through your surgery and continue your journey in a confident new manner. Just maybe it will allow you the ability to help someone else standing in your shoes, to have the confidence to do the same. Best wishes!!

Benny3221 in reply to Sttbngi

Hey appreciate the positive vibe and love, many thanks. I don’t what’s to come but hopefully everything will be alright. You take care and have a great day! ✌️

Sttbngi in reply to Benny3221

Believe in your heart any decision you make is a good one! You got this!!

Benny3221 in reply to Sttbngi

Let’s hope lol!

You should do what is right for you, never mind what society says. It's easy for somebody without a disfigurement to say it's what's inside that counts, but the reality of the situation is that we all judge a person within 5 seconds of seeing them. If you think the surgery will help you then you should have it. It doesn't mean that you'd be giving in to society's expectations, just making a positive change in your life and there's nothing wrong with that. It's great that you've been able to talk to people on here who have experienced the same thing but maybe if you go to a local support group and meet up with people to really talk about all the issues surrounding it, you will get a better feel for whether or not it's the right path for you to take. Good luck with whatever decision you decide to go with x

Benny3221 in reply to rach1402

Yea I feel extremely guilty for even considering this surgery an option, but my current situation isn’t getting any better. Thanks for understanding because I’m sure if anyone was in my situation they would probably think about it too. If I was super mentally strong like those few motivational speakers I wouldn’t change a damn thing, but I’m a human being who cares a lot on what others think and besides being alone most of the time is driving me insane so I figure why not give it a shot? Take care!

Hi Benny.

I’d say think about it and discuss with your doctor. It ultimately comes down to you after you weigh all the pro and cons.. How risky, how likely is the surgery to be a success, how much does whatever it is bother you, etc. Make sure your doc is board certified and look at some results of his other surgeries.

People with facial deformities often feel a lot more confident after the surgery. There are specialists for every kind of surgery. Some ENT docs specialize in facial deformities. Just be in the best hands possible.

Good luck.

Why do I get stuff that is one year old. ?! I need to be more careful.

There is going to be some timefor you to adjust after the surgery. Its normal to have anxiety . I'm more concerned with healing your heart inside and to challenge your beliefs. Speaking from experience the greatest gift to share with another is your sense of humor laughter patience in essence the person who you are and although some look on the outside or what you have not everyone. Besides you are wonderfully made and you seem to march to the tune of a different drummer. Embrace the present and let the future unfold with all its uncertainty and yet with possibilities too

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