Overwhelming Sadness

[bgkg]

I recently got broken up with for no reason at all and it has made me feel so inadequate it’s almost paralyzing. I have been struggling long enough with this to know my depression can tell the story a lot of the time. But this feels different. I feel like I am going to be alone forever. I feel so unworthy of love and of a partner. All of my friends have met people, are starting families are creating memories and futures. I have so much love to give, so much hope to offer. And everytime somebody gets invested… they drop me almost immediately and onto someone else. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. But I can’t take the sadness anymore. I feel myself completely closing off because being alone sounds better than the risk of feeling this way again. If I have to go through this again, I am not sure I’ll make it out. This one has been the darkest by far. I have never felt so small and so used. You can only hear “you deserve better, the right one is coming” so many times before you feel like everyone is lying to you. I don’t want to die alone. But I also don’t want to feel like this ever again. I’m 30 years old and this one has about killed me. I don’t know where to turn or what to do to get myself out of the hole. But I’m heartbroken and it feels so much deeper this time.

[blackcat64013]

Hi, I hear your pain & sadness in the words. When relationships fall over, they can bring us to our knees. All I want to do is send a big hug to wrap around you from Australia 💜🦘

[bgkg in reply to blackcat64013]

Thank you for your kindness ❤️ Hugging you back

[FindingTheAnswers]

I understand. I've been there. It's just plain sh#tty. At times I still remember and feel the pain from my ex-wife. That was 30 years ago (we both came from dysfunctional families, but I thought she had her act together better then I did). "being alone sounds better than the risk of feeling this way again"-that says a lot of heartache-and yes, I really get it. The 'Right One' is out there. But often it feels impossible to find them.

You need to retreat, fall back and probably play it safe until you get back to being you. This last relationship really got to you-and killed some of your 'Spirit'. Heal up. Go out and hang with people whose company you enjoy. Try not to be too negative. I have been told by several Therapists, with all relationships, but especially dating and marriage, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. And, yeah, I know how that sounds. It can be outright scary.

(How many relationships did I unconsciously 'poison' over the years?)

There's a saying that goes- 'It's better to be alone, then to be with someone and feel alone.' Each person has to make that call.

I wish I had the answers to take your heartache and pain away.

Allow your heart and your Spirit to heal. And then, when you're ready, try again.

It's a tough balance between being vulnerable and not wanting to be burned again.

Peace to you.

[bgkg in reply to FindingTheAnswers]

Thank you so much for your honesty and comfort. You are speaking so much truth and it can feel so alienating until you realize so many people know this level of deep pain and how terrible it feels. You are kind and I appreciate this ❤️

[Indiegal]

I'm sorry someone broke up with you and that you're feeling so defeated right now. I'm 42 and single so I have some experience with what you're going through (although I haven't really tried to date in years). It can be devastating and make you feel inadequate when someone says they don't want to date you any longer, but that just means you weren't the right person for him/her. It can certainly feel like no one will ever like you again but that won't be the case. It just feels like that now cause you're in the midst of heartbreak.

Try working on yourself for a bit and do things that make you feel happy and good about yourself. I don't mean totally give up on dating and throw yourself into work instead, but find something that gives you joy and can help you build your self confidence back up. I bet if you distract yourself and focus on the positive you'll feel better in no time and will look towards the future. I'm not the best example but I know plenty of people who found the love of their life in their 30s and even 40s so there's plenty of time for you to find someone. Keep your head up!

🤗

[bgkg in reply to Indiegal]

Thank you so much for this thoughtful advice. I sincerely appreciate it. I hope if you want to get back out there you know you are also worthy of love and partnership. I know it’s so scary. But don’t give up hope. I am trying not to myself ❤️

[Indiegal in reply to bgkg]

I know, I really shouldn't give up. I just don't know how to get back out there. Dating apps haven't worked well for me and I don't go out much because of Covid. Hopefully the world will start to get back to normal again in the summer.

[bgkg]

This is great advice. I’m so sorry about the loss of your friendship. Heartbreak is so hard. Sending peace and comfort to you

[cbgrace1980]

I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time right now. Please know that you are not alone. Have you thought about working with a counselor? When I started with my counselor, my depression was high and I had tremendous anxiety. I can say that working with her really helped me and I feel so much better now. It might be hard to get started, but it's worth the work. Hugs to you.

[cbgrace1980]

I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time right now. Please know that you are not alone. Have you thought about working with a counselor? When I started with my counselor, my depression was high and I had tremendous anxiety. I can say that working with her really helped me and I feel so much better now. It might be hard to get started, but it's worth the work. Hugs to you.

[bgkg in reply to cbgrace1980]

Thank you so much for your kindness. I definitely am in therapy getting the extra help. ❤️