Trauma made me chaotic as hell

[Against_the_current]

I even thought i have adhd or something. I can't stop. I'm hypervigiliant, hyperstimulated, my brain is on overload, i'm talking a lot of random things really fast. Dad came and i put a box on my head. I can't stop the flow of thoughts. It's actually a flood. I'm overwhelmed. I wasn't like this (that's why doctors don't want to diagnozistise me with adhd), it happened after the trauma. I can't shut up. I rap like Eminem on lotta themes. I think i do it to distract myself from the trauma, because i'm socially anxious and need attention and because my brain is aroused from the trauma. I used to be silent at class since kindergarten and now i can't stfu. I feel so ashamed but one teacher even liked my chattering and gave me an A cause perhabs i said some truth while the rest of the class was sleeping. I think in this country everyone is asleep methaphoriccally and i seem insane. But i feel like a 10yo kid with 10 chocolates and 5 cups of coffe (that's why i don't drink Coffee). And that's why i get burnt out. I am burnt out. But i can't rest so my trauma gets worse, my brain gets more reactive and i get even more reactive. Funny how reactive is the best term in terms of psychologically reactive (as hypervigiliant and struggling and sensetive and not accepting, fighting what comes) and i'm like a reactive rocket