I feel like i'm autistic (no insult to the really autistic ppl, i'm just doubting myself). I always do everything wrong. My roommate is always scolding me. People are always telling me how to live and what i do wrong. I feel like i'm completely inadequate. Or like they think i'm completely inadequate. I need reassurance and i get analysis, judging, fixing. I just vibe, watch a movie, and she scolds me. I turned on the AC in my room and left the door open so i get some cool air in the living room. She went insane. There's no AC in the living room, what can i do? I tried everything. "Drink water, open a window" i did, i'm not so stupid, but this place is hot as Hell. This is Hell. My other roommate brought a friend to live here and nothing and i get scolded for chilling. And i'm going back at 8th so i won't make bills and will still pay them. I'm gonna go back at 8th and blow up because i couldn't rest. That's why i'm taking it out here, thanks for listening. In this war and prices i can't move out. I think she's planning on moving out but not having the money. The other one too because she wants to live with friends and apparently i'm a plant. First one acts like Katara from Avatar. Acting like mom wich triggers me. And invalidating my trauma and whole damn mental illness because her mother died. Well, mine is alive and drunk. And mine has been traumatizing me since before i was born. Her was healthy. I have a mental illness. It's not about comparison. I have a freaking mental illness. But everyone in this damn country refuses to understand. I can't be myself. Myself is trash
Thanks for reading. You're everything i have left in this Hell
The more angry i am at others (roommates, "friends", parents, grandparents) the more i want to harm myself because i can't get this rage on them. And the only way is verbally taking it out so that's why my language is like that
