I'm stuck in this negative feedback loop. I have medical trauma related to finding people who had passed from drug overdoses. So I get a lot of trauma related anxiety around substance use which includes prescription medications. My anxiety is quite sever. On top of psychotherapy I need to treat these symptoms with medication. The medication is helpful but obviously not perfect which I don't expect it to be. I just feel stuck. I'm currently increasing my Venlafaxine to 112.5mg and decreasing my Quetiapine to 175mg. I'm so afraid of getting serotonin syndrome. None of my doctors are worried about it so really it's just my trauma brain telling me that I'm going to overdose and die like I've seen before. The awful thing is, when I have a panic attack like I did this morning the symptoms are so similar to seretonin syndrome. So my panic attacks convince me it's seretonin syndrome which makes the panic attack worse. I can tell myself that it's just anxiety and that it's not actually seretonin syndrome. My logic brain knows I'm okay but my danger brain is much louder and over rides my logic brain. It makes it really hard to shake the anxiety. I feel funky from the medication changes and it's just feeding my anxiety. I feel out of control of my body. I feel stuck in this negative feedback loop and it's torture. I can breathe through the anxiety. But the panic attacks and anxiety keep hitting me. It's been hard to sleep and of course being tired makes all this even worse.
My personal hell: I'm stuck in this... - Anxiety and Depre...
My personal hell
Wow....I can totally relate to your post...I am in the same situation....but for me it's just a little more than finding people who have overdosed. I am a corrections officer and have seen many overdoses and a lot of violence over my 27 years...I have a general practice psychiatrist..but I am looking at changing to one who has a public safety background....can I also encourage you to do some research on cognitive distortions....start here
verywellmind.com/cognitive-...
I can definitely relate, I wasn't sure about going into my job but that's also where a lot of that trauma comes from. I'm an addicts counselor. I've had to respond to a lot of medical emergencies and just dealing with some of the most ill people. I work in a crisis shelter and see some awful stuff.. I think responding to opioid overdoses had a big impact on me. You have someone blue and not breathing, do cpr and give naloxone. All of the sudden they eventually start breathing again but what messed me up was the amount of times someone would say, "leave me alone, I was just sleeping". I feel like that stuck with me and made me think that I could just fall asleep and stop breathing and not even know that something was wrong. So I hyperfixate on these little things my body does and it sends me into a spiral. Thanks for sharing and the advice. I will look into cognitive distortions.
I've been in Corrections for 26+ years and counting...we've had a very bad uptake in Opiod Overdoses...you would think that being in a controlled enviornment where things like that aren't supposed to be easy to get....we've had more overdoses in the last 4 months that I've ever had to deal with...I never thought that as part of my job that I would 1)Have to learn how to use naloxone in my current work enviornment.....and 2) would have to worry about someone responding and having to use it on me....unfortunately there are a lot of frustrations for me too.....the biggest ones are how it is usually the same offenders that are overdosing all the time...and just having to respond to it in general...seeing what it does....funny thing for me is that I'm working to transition from Corrections to EMS which will create a whole new set of circumstances.....you have to remember that when you administer narcan it blocks the receptors that are creating the euphoria.....it's scary
Yeah that one's tough. I've noticed that too. I know people who have overdosed and been given naloxone close to a hundred times. You do keep seeing the same people over and over again. I'm all for keeping people alive, I just wonder if there could be a better way to deal with all that. It's frustrating because its taken me so long to receive treatment, the wait lists are so long. I've been begging for help only to be put on an extremely long waitlist. I wonder if the waitlist are so long because the system is so overwhelmed. And is it overwhelmed by these emergencies where you get someone breathing and relatively stable only for them to be unconscious again the next day. Meanwhile I'm just stuck waiting, not really living because of my symptoms and wanting so badly to engage in a treatment program. I'm just watching everyone chasing these headless chickens while they shout that they'll be with me in a minute. The whole system is so challenging plus I have these ridiculous symptoms where my danger brain takes over when it shouldn't. And so I'm stuck having to engage in the very system that created a lot of my trauma.
not only engage in it...but depend on it...I'm lucky in the sense that the only addiction i've really had an issue with is my Food addiction...but the frustrating thing...is what do we do when we need help...when we are classified as the helpers....it's very hard for me to put my pride in my pocket...although I've gotten better...it's also hard for me because I don't feel like i have too many people to turn to....always here for you
Food addiction is a tough one. You can't treat it like most addition. Everyone needs food. You can't just stop eating food to stop the addiction. I wish you well on your journey with all that. I completely agree with it being hard as a helper. A part of me feels a lot of shame that my job created these traumas. Everyone always thinks what you do is so Nobel and that you must be so strong. So to admit that I have these bad days is so tough. And as a helped people are used to you having all the answers, taking the lead, taking care of people. So who takes care of you when you need help? I appreciate your kindness, feel free to reach out whenever.
If you haven't done so already, get in touch with your doctor (psychiatrist?) and explain to him/her what's going on. You shouldn't be suffering like this.
Definitely, I'm currently starting some meds and am attending a day treatment program. Hospital every day for a month. Wish me luck
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