Dating/Relationships

[Asha40]

I’ve been talking to a guy for a few months and I was diagnosed last week and I still haven’t told him. I want to tell him but I don’t think he’s serious about me or maybe that he won’t understand what I’m going through. I have thought about it a lot and I still can’t decide whether to tell him or not.

I feel like my anxiety is causing problems in our situationship and that’s also why I don’t want to tell him. If I tell him that, what if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? I feel alone a lot and i don’t think he’s helping me feel less alone. I’m not sure if it’s just my thoughts or is it really not working and I’m trying to make it work? I’m really unsure about a lot with our situation. I need advice on what to do.

[Kat63]

If you don’t feel safe telling him....then don’t tell him.

He may or may not be the right guy for you. Maybe somebody else is the right guy. Maybe this guy is not presently the right guy, but could be in the future.

When it’s the right guy, you’ll feel safe telling him about this. I speak from experience.

[Asha40 in reply to Kat63]

Thank you really. Sometimes I feel like I complain to my best friend a lot about what’s going on so it’s really nice to get a different perspective

[Hidden]

Uncertainty in any relationship can cause anxiety all on its own. I think most of us want to have someone consistently in our lives to always be there with and for us whether a friend or a significant other. You have to be yourself (100%) in your relationship or you will never be able to trust the guy you are talking to because he doesn’t know the real you. If this is someone you would like to be in a long term relationship with, then you both deserve to be honest and be your authentic selves with each other. You basically have two choices: discuss your diagnosis with this guy or end the relationship. If this is someone who will support you and want to learn more about your diagnosis for himself and you then give him the opportunity to do so. Your relationship is still new and your anxiety will be a factor in your relationship so being honest is the only way to know for sure where you stand and if things should continue. Spending time second guessing a relationship you’re in and adding your anxiety diagnosis to it, is certainly not condusive an open and supportive relationship. It will hurt if the two of you do not continue as a couple but in the long run, you don’t want to be with an unsupportive person. If you want to be with anyone, tell them about your anxiety when you feel comfortable but don’t let it be something you hide because it is not something to be ashamed up. You need and deserve someone who knows you, likes you and will grow to love you for all that you are. Good luck and remember that you deserve someone great. You have anxiety, it is not who you are and it does not define you.

[Asha40 in reply to Hidden]

I am fr crying. Thank you so much

[Hidden]

You just got diagnosed, so you can present it to him like that and you both can go through the journey together. Talk to your therapist too. Good luck and all relationships are a journey, we have our good moments and not so good moments.

[cbgrace1980]

Hi there, so sorry you are having a dilemma. I don't think you should tell him yet until you understand it yourself better. It sounds very new and as women we tend to overshare, so wait until you know him better so that you don't feel judged. I'm happy you are finding help and I know things will be better soon!

[John_Bean]

ugh, I'm sorry for you(

[Seb345]

I think you should not be with someone who makes you unsure. I understand that it's been 9 months since the original thread and things have changed but my general advice is to look for someone that makes you happy and feel whole and just accepts you for who are. You need security and understanding from people who surround you so try looking for a more intimate connection. I am a member of the LGBT and I had problems to find someone I was comfortable with so I understand the inner struggle. I had problems finding a suitable partner and I was more keen to look for my potential partners online so I was browsing the web for good dating apps for gays and I came across this one: findleapp.com/. I've been using it for a while now and I found some really good members of my community who understand me and make me feel safe. I also found a man I really like and we are currently in a relationship that makes e feel good about myself. So don't be afraid to look for better things. You are worth it