Struggling with talking

[Uncommunicative]

Hello. I’m new to anything like this and I’ve never reached out before about my depression unless I was suicidal. I found myself in just that situation last night. I was sitting on the bathroom floor crying for about a half hour when the thoughts started coming. I haven’t thought of suicide seriously in a few years. I just got married two months ago but I struggle so hard with how to communicate with my spouse about what’s going on. The words won’t come out and I’ve tried writing letters but it only feels like I’m making things worse. They seem to feel as if they’re being attacked when I’m just trying to express why I feel so low. I don’t know how to get across the message that even though I feel this way, it’s not anyone’s fault. I just feel broken and don’t know what to do. My depression has been getting worse for months and I feel that it is destroying my life.

[Hidden]

Wow congrats on your marriage I feel too ugly to even date. Sorry about your thoughts flooding in like that l, bought a book on communication it was 5.99 on amazon. I guess it always points out that your supposed to use I statements. For example I feel hopeful maybe one day I’ll be married. Or i feel totally isolated and completely addicted to my pain and loneliness and it’s only me in my own way. The world is full of kind people that have all been hurt someway.

Then of course the journals just yesterday I reached the point where I understand all those in the past who hurt me were only teaching me that I’m valuable and I just don’t have the time here on earth to be hurt. So I know I deserve better. Even though I have visible scars and some serious issues things will get better and better everyday maybe right now I’m so happy that I can even understand it. I’m alone and gave myself an imagination.

Instead of imagining the worst I’ll try to imagine something awesome is about to happen. I’ve been there I cried for hours because I simply forgot all my happy thoughts. I simply forgot all my steps and forgot to reach out for help. We are all in an ocean of emotions and only takes one hand to keep me afloat

[tiredswedge]

When I can't communicate well I let others do it for me. I will find a good description of depression and/or anxiety online. I give it to the other person and allow time for them to read and process the information. Usually, they come to me, and we have a discussion from there. Therapists will often talk to the other person to help you explain whats going on.

[kenster1]

hi and welcome to you your in a better place here as we have so many people reaching out.its very hard explain how we feel your right the words never come out as we planned.why don't you take some time to write that letter that way you can jot down exactly how you feel.that first hurdle can be the hardest but you really will feel relieved and much better for it.

[Pamela2876]

I am sorry you are facing this. Depression is rarely something we can deal with on our own. Are you seeing a counselor? Many times counseling can help us to get through to the cause of what is causing depression. I have found for me deepening my faith with God and understanding my worth apart from anything I have accomplished brought me out of the fog of depression I was in. Your life matters and you are so loved by the one that created you. I will pray for you! If you'd like a resource on how to find really good counseling just reach out to me I'd love to hare a resource I have. My thoughts are with you!

[Rachel2535]

I commend you for getting on here and talking about your depression. I went through 25 years of depression and suicidal ideation. I was married for 9 years before my husband found out just how depressed I was. I felt like he couldn’t understand so I suffered silently. Please don’t make my mistake reach out and get help see a counselor, mentor or a pastor. Also a doctor could check for hormonal or chemical changes in your body that may be causing this. There is hope I have been free from this for over 10 years and I am living proof that all things are possible with God. There is a root to depression and getting to that will help you get to health. Please know I am praying for you. -Rachel