I feel extremely stressed at work. My boss/ principal is very micromanaging, controlling and critical. She seems never to be happy with my work and always finds something to critcize. Im working really hard on doing the reading assessments she asked for but she complains that im doing it too slowly. She told me another way to do it today but i feel that way will take even longer. Also, she keeps changing her mind about how she wants it done and the communication ls poor. She doesnt like to listen when i explain things to her and how im doing it the best way possible. Therefore she feels fustrated with me and i feel scared of her. Whenever i talk to her i feel anxious. Also being at work makes me feel extremely anxious. Any advice on dealing with difficult bosses? Also in the beginning of the year she asked me to stay late after dismissal and be like watch guard outside. I did it for 3 months however i would like to ask her to do rotations with other staff members. I dont feel its fair for me to be the only one to do it. However i feel afraid to ask her about it because she is already unhappy with me. Any suggestions?
High job stress because of boss - Anxiety and Depre...
High job stress because of boss
Sometimes or most times it seems bosses are just not always nice people. Or just not nice to some. I completely understand what you're saying. Have you ever talked to other staff about doing rotations?
Try talking to other staff maybe they can bring it up to the boss . Maybe they will agree to do rotations with you
I bet others feel the same way. They might have some advice on dealing with her. You can ask without dis'ing her. Any time I have worked for someone tough like that they are looking for someone to stand up. That isn't appropriate but not all bosses are ideal. She isn't going to all of a sudden tell you do not have to be a watch guard (I almost typed dog... what a horrible name). The only real choice is to ask or accept it. I wouldn't accept it. Consider this an assertiveness test.
Thanks for your reply. Yes others do feel stressed too. I agree i can only find out what she will say if i ask her. I hope i have the courage to do so!
Let us know how it goes!
Great news! I felt much better today. when she was yelling at me my friend heard and gave me empathy. She said i should speak up and tell her i dont want to be spoken to that way. Later when she was speaking to me with a raised voice and critically i asked her if she can please speak nicely to me and not yell at me because im sensitive and it triggers anxiety. Thankfully she took it well and said sorry
however later on in the day she did it again. I think i need to keep reminding her since her default way of speaking is critical, condescending and harsh yet i think she has a good heart and will change her way of speaking. I did not ask about doing rotations yet. I might ask her tomorrow.
I’m so … filled with joy to read this!!!! 🤩🥳🤗🤗🤗🤗This is a really big deal that you spoke up for yourself. Thanks for sharing!!!
Thank you😘
Thanks i do unfortunetly we do not. The principal is the supervisor.
Thanks! As of now i have to do reading assessment but she wants me to do it differently than the way its supposed to be done. So ill just do it her way
Hi Rose,I feel your pain because I’m just emerging after a similar situation. I am a teacher of 30 years experience and am still very motivated and a high achiever. I love teaching and kids, parents and colleagues like me. Therein lies the problem. Your boss may have narcissistic tendencies. Mine did and it took me 18 months a of angst and therapy to learn that she would never change. She felt threatened by me because she couldn’t ever be as popular or pleasant as me. Her way was was to criticise, bully and push people to their limit. Once that was reached, she’d pull back knowing she’d gone dangerously close to the edge. Working with her was a constant cycle of stress, fear and nursing a crushed self esteem, not just for me but for other staff too, except the small number that turned a blind eye when they saw friends being ill treated in payment for not being targeted themselves. I left my post there to protect my mental health on doctors orders. I now am a substitute teacher working among a few select schools who appreciate me. My colleagues cried when I left because they said once I was gone, there was no hope for them either. This woman was scarred by something in her past and she cast her own fears onto others to reduce her pain. Not right, but probably true.
Try reading ‘The object of my affection is my reflection.’ By Rokelle Lerner. It’s available on Amazon. It was recommended to me by a therapist and has a great section on coping with narcissist in the workplace. I wish I’d had it sooner.
I ultimately learned that you can’t ever change someone else’s behaviour. It’s hard enough to change your own! Your boss is damaged as mine was. You have to save yourself. If your boss isn’t going to move somewhere else, then you must, because it’ll never change and you don’t deserve to be treated like that.
Buy that book as step one. Good luck and best wishes.
Thanks so much for your reply!
I completely understand where you’re coming from. I was bullied at work last year and the issue came to light when the bully told my line manager I’d not said hello to her one morning. She was manipulative and cruel but he had a soft spot for her so did nothing about the bullying. She continued to contact cause problems and even told one of the directors lies to besmirch me. I ended up leaving the job and am now taking them to court for constructive dismissal, bullying and harassment. I can only do that because I’m in a better place mentally since leaving, and am not under the constant worry I was under about losing my job. I spoke to Acas for guidance and they were really helpful. I’m not sure if you’re in England but presumably other countries have similar bodies to help employees going through difficulties in work.
I wish you the best of luck but would forewarn you to do something as people like this don’t change and in the long run your mental health and self esteem will be affected.
You have to stand up for yourself. You'll be afraid and walked on forever if you let these narcissistic crazy ppl (who always seem to weasel their way into management positions) mess with you. Respectfully and calmly stand your ground and let her know what your needs are and what you're willing to do. She is only treating you this way because she thinks she has your consent to. I had a situation like that and I let it go on too long and it only got worse. It only got better when I stood up for myself. You can do it scared if you have to, but just do it.
I am sorry for your suffering! I worked with a micromanager abusive boss who even counted my break minutes for 4 years. I started having panic attacks for the first time in my life, lost 10 lb., and almost lost my mind. Trust me, your boss needs therapy but will never admit that anything is wrong with her. I realized it with mine, but couldn't find a different job. Eventually, I was moved to a different office (after pleading for 3 years!). If you can, look for a different school. Look at it as a health necessity. Good luck!
I have a narsositic boss. It's very hard on my anxiety and self esteem. I have worked with her for 6 plus years and I am sorry to say it just gets worse. She is also passive aggressive and doesn't respond to my requests but expects my immediate response to hers. I wish I had better advice but looking for another job is the only way to rid yourself of this type of manager. If you must stay you must learn coping skills and be prepared to just stay quiet on some of her back talk. It's very hard when you are a good employee to work with this type of manager
Sounds familiar. Do as I say, not as I do but I know some people don’t have the choices I did and they have to stay because they carry the burden of financial responsibility for their families.
At risk of being called sexist and I’m not I’m a woman, there is a certain type often women who are over controlling and uptight due to possibly menopause or problems at home , I have had a few encounters with that sort. There is little you can do but stand up to her if you dare or find a new place to work. Have you spoken about her with fellow workers as you may feel better if others have noticed her behaviour. I and a friend had some very nasty treatment from a woman in charge, so I must admit I asked her if she was tense because she had problems at home. It didn’t go down well but she’s nicer to me now but my friend walked out . Little one can do there are a lot of this kind in charge because they enjoy controlling others. I must admit I “dropped out “ and became a jobbing gardener. So many women get fed up with know it all men and like to chat about there flowers 💐 good luck cheer yourself up by feeling sorry for such a ghastly boss 👍🏻👍🏻
So women are no more or less uptight than men. By using phrases like menopause or things at home you are suggesting they are less capable than men. I assure you we are not. Advice: use the pronoun “they” and then imagine your female boss as a male. Ask yourself if gender is relevant.
Women prefer chatting about flowers. Are you kidding me?
I’m afraid the menopause is a physical fact and often does cause lots of emotional problems I’m 70 and I’ve had them . Sadly men are often totally ignorant of this along with some women
would you say “he must be bossy because he has erectile dysfunction “? “The Broncos lost so that must be why he is sad” Ever? Of course not. It is not okay to assume physical or emotional problems “unless they are female”? I have been through menopause and it had zero effect on my job because I’m a professional. A friend of mine had symptoms but guess what? There are treatments! In fact severe side effects are actually much rarer than they once thought…why did they think that? Because every time a woman is “high strung” it is because “she can’t control her body”either menopause or pms” “Blood coming out of her eyes and her everywhere”. I figured you were male. I’m stunned.
I agree with Hidden it would be good for you to get support if she is critical of your work. Ask your principal to help you - or go to another teacher get the help from someone who you are more comfortable with. You are new to the job, it would be a shame if you left it over a bad seed.
I just went through the same thing. I was at my job for six years and they hired a new manager with the same traits as yours. It came to the point I didn’t even want to go to work. I finally left that job and I feel such a relief. I know change is hard but when it comes to your mental health it sometimes needs to be done. I always try to remember God has my back and i haven’t failed yet because of that.
Just had a rethink as I’ve suffered that type in the past and she is clearly afraid she’s not good enough or in control so she takes it out on you as your an easy target and she’s a bully, bullies are always cowards. So pity her as she’s the one who needs garden therapy and is clearly in teaching for the wrong reason or she’d be more laid back kind and happy so don’t let her make you sad grit your teeth and remember she’s the sad one 👍🏻👍🏻
I totally agree with you. Anything deemed aggressive or unprofessional on your part could be used against you because a boss like this isn’t going to admit any wrong doing. Mine said she would ‘fight to the bitter end’ to prove her innocence in spite of 4 staff members raising formal grievances about her behaviour. It was scare tactics through and through.Sadly our school governors were ‘chicken shit’ and were too out of their depth to side with the staff. I’d make your hair curl if I told you some of the things this woman did.
The important thing to realise is, it’s not right and it’s not your fault. You’ve been caught up in a spider’s web.
The book I suggested gives tips on how to manoeuvre such a situation without triggering a narcissistic backlash. It doesn’t mean you have to let them trample all over you. Your professional association should have advice to support you. You must do what’s right for you even if that means finding work elsewhere and leaving the colleagues you care about in the thick of it all. They have to act for themselves, as you do.
Having to go to a workplace where this is happening daily is toxic. It affects you physically and mentally and steals your happiness and joy for the job you do. Not all workplaces are like this, trust me on that. Get advice privately. Hold your cards close to your chest and once you’ve decided, make the first step towards a better future.
Feeling miserable and stress
Feeling Scared of Authority at Work
Getting a Job
How do I not feel scared of my therapist?
