I thought that all this situation of my last pregnancy ended when I miscarriaged in July. Those were hard weeks because I wanted to be wrong. I did not want to accept it until my doctor corroborated that I was not pregnant anymore and he did it.
After that I just wanted to grieve my baby and feel better after time. I had some other ultrasounds and a tomography between August and September because they found a cyst in my ovary. Also my period has not being normal since July.
Everything changed in October when I started to feel some movement in my belly. I thought it was some digestive problems because I have not eaten well and enough since I lost my baby. I have not feeling hungry and I still get nauseous. I lost weight for that reason.
After some days, those little pops in my belly started to feel more strong and often. Then those pops turned in to something like a little fish sensation. My stomach started to grow an my hips too. I though that probably it was my imagination. I went for another ultrasound and I told my symptoms to the doctor. He did another ultrasound and there were nothing. I was not pregnant. He told me that probably it was my desire of having my lost baby.
Well, probably true.
But now, I can't anymore. My back, my hips are killing me when I walk or when I am sit. I can't sit anymore. I need support in my back and my stomach is getting bigger. I can't close my pants anymore. I can't rest on my bed either. I need a lot of pillows to support my stomach and my legs. I did another pregnancy test but it is negative.
Now, I feel kicks and stronger movements. Especially when I walk a lot for my job. I need to bend and use the stairs often. After all that work, the movement in my belly are stronger.
I am waiting for another appointment. I couldn't do my job today. I barely could bend and walk enough because of my aches.
I am too scared of having a abdominal pregnancy. A pregnancy outside of my uterus. If I am really pregnant, right now I am 22 week. I will need a C-section. That means that my baby has to low chance for surviving. Also that means that I had an heterotopic pregnancy. It is a pregnancy with 2 embryos. One implanted in the uterus and the other outside. So I miscarriaged one in July but the other remained implanted outside in my abdomen.
Damned!!
I am a mental mess. The doctors made me feel like crazy.
I try to think, "Ok, probably I have a huge tapeworm in my belly." That make my friends laugh. But that is how I am gonna bother my doctors. I am gonna tell them I have a tapeworm so I will need more check ups in other areas of my abdomen, because if I said that I think I am pregnant, they will not believe me and they will not do more.
I don't know. I hope if I am really pregnant, please please, please, please pray for my baby, I do not want to lose him. Pray for me because it means that is high risk for me too. I have a 14 year old kid. I am the only parent for him. I can't go before time. 😔
I Miss Her More Than Words Can Describe 
ADHD or just lazy and depressed?
Im having a very dark day.
trying not to live in fear
