Feeling guilty - Just found out my bf has been cheating on me for months

[Resilience98]

Hey everyone!

I had made a post a few weeks back explaining that I moved out of my bf’s apt after 2 years. It has definitely being a change, a positive one. I have been able to reconnect with friends and family.

I had to see my bf yesterday because he needed help with DMV docs and I happen to be a notary. Drove him there, he left his phone in my car and I couldn’t stop myself from looking through it.

He had been talking to his ex for months, they had sex last week. He started inviting her over to his place even before I had moved out. I feel horrible, I’m still in shock for everything that’s happened in the last few months.

I apologize if this text is too long but I feel the need to vent and let it out. Im at that part of the process where I feel like I did stuff wrong, I’m asking myself if I could’ve been a better girlfriend but truth is, we needed each other to grow. He’s part of my life experience and I need to be the bigger person.

He blocked me, on top of everything! I have so much to think about. Im not losing much with him but it was 2 years where we went through Covid and ups and downs. I just hope he realizes what a great woman he lost. I’m really hurt 😭

[CarlJames]

My recommendation would be not to spend much time looking for what you might have done, or done differently. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of that relationship and connection (feel any sadness, anger, hurt, shame etc). But just because it might feel like a loss in some ways doesn't mean you were better off in that relationship.

Chalk it up to experience, and move on. As you say, you are in a better place now.

[HoldingonLou]

"He's part of my life experience and I need to be the bigger person". That is it! I love that. You're right too. Awesome it has been a change for the better. I know your heart is still hurting but as time goes by it will be come less and less. You are a strong, bright woman. There is no reason to feel guilty. Onward & Upward.

[Midori]

Sorry you've lost him; but it looks like you will be better off without him.

Why should you feel guilty? You have done nothing wrong, He's the one cheating, not you, I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, and it's not unknown for a cheating ex to leave his phone in the car deliberately, so he doesn't have to have a public argument.

It's a bit cowardly to do it that way, but at least you know and can put a line though it.

It's fine to feel betrayed and let down by him, but don't allow it to consume you. Grieve the relationship by all means, but, as soon as you can, move on.

The best revenge is success, so get out dating again just as soon as you feel able too, and If you see him around when you are with your new bf, it might remind him of just what he's lost!

Cheers, Midori