I left him. I couldn’t put up with the emotional abuse anymore; the mental abuse. It was always my fault. Always. He found a way to blame everything on me; even him smoking. And everything always had to be about him. Whenever I had a bad day or something happened to me, it was always turned around to be about him.
He’d always tell me to “know my role”; “smarten up”; that I should listen to him. And when I’d tell him about things he could work on he’s twist them around and say it was actually me.
But it hurts. So much. There were good times..... we spent Christmas together. New Year’s Eve. I spent 5 weeks in the hospital never leaving his side after his serious atv accident. And he moved here to be with me where the accident happened and I feel its my fault he had it; now a broken clavicle; rods in his back.... a head injury. I feel it’s all my fault. But I didn’t leave him one time. I see him everywhere. I miss him. I love him. I remember the plans we had. The future we had planned out. All my hopes and dreams...... gone.
And I remember the last time I saw him; touched him; kissed him; held him; slept in his arms...... and I physically ache.
I know it’s what I need to do but this hurts so bad.
Written by
BrownEyesBlue
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Good for you! I know this was a huge step and it was very difficult but hang in there. Don’t second guess yourself. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.
sorry to hear that things didn't work out its a hard decision to make but you done it.its obvious you really do care even now it shows a lot about you as a person.do you think his accident changed him maybe he needed more support from other people.
He was always a little “different”. He had drug addictions and alcohol addiction. I don’t think the injury helped at all. I tried helping and supporting him but I was always doing the wrong thing. No matter how much I love him it never seemed enough. And when you feel you don’t get the same love and effort and support back, it wears on you. And I’m completely drained.
that's a shame having gone through what you have will make you feel down but to go through it shows you are strong.take some time out and try your best just to be you again hopefully your friends and family will see you through and us as well.take care.
I’m so proud of you! I’m going through the same thing and I know how hard it is. You missed them and the good times are hard to forget… My guy was a very big part of my life and family for a long time… It’s a grieving process... The healing phase cannot be rushed unfortunately but I know from past experience it does get better down the road we just have to get through this tough time. Every day I remind myself that the good times did not outweigh the bad... going back will only prolong the suffering… And on the other side of the grief is potential for a much happier healthier place. Hang in there and good job!
Brown,
Do you see the rally around you? All these girls are at your side. They see you. They understand you, and they will stand strong with you. You've found your strength girl. Hold on to that. The only way to allow your future to unfold for you is to let go of your past. If this man is your destiny, whatever you choose your path to be, it will include him. But, if you don't give yourself the chance to be free, you might be cutting off what you're true destiny holds for you. You have nothing to lose but some freakin hard times. Be happy! You deserve that.
It’ll always feel crazy , when you are parting ways from someone you love , is recent. But, if it was toxic then you NEEDED to be free from that. I’ve had that same feeling , based on my toxic relationship...only reason I bring it up is not to invalidate your situation, but to say you’re not alone in these feelings . It will get better , though. You had to do that for you.
It’s never okay to be with anyone abusive . Mental abuse counts as well, even if it seems invisible on the outside , you were hurting . You should be happy, especially if you always deal with anxiety often. You feel the attachment , drifting from you...it’ll ache. It will. I know. But , you’ll be better off . You’ll find love , when it comes to you. This platform here is great to like vent , so do so often , love . 💚 let those emotions go , so more positive ones can come and embrace you .
I'm proud of you! I know it's hard right now with remembering the good times like they should only be the ones that count but there will come a time that you'll see things in perspective and really know that his issues were his and not you. Grieve and move on. Not easy but you've done the hardest part now you can live for you.
You did the right thing. NO ONE deserves abuse. He is the perpetrator. The abuse, IOW, his actions, are all his fault. You are NOT responsible for his behavior. He is. Don't let him use drugs or alcohol as an excuse; they're not.
Emotional abuse can be more difficult for us than physical abuse. Emotional abuse leaves no physical signs, bruises, or scars. It is invisible to everyone except you. I speak from personal experience.
Abuse only escalates. It never gets better. Leaving him now may have saved your sanity and your life. Seriously.
Grieving is completely normal. Of course you love the good parts of him and your relationship. Of course you had wonderful times together. Grieving takes as long as it takes. Give yourself time to process your feelings. I spent much time taking care of myself -- doing things I enjoy, reconnecting with friends, resuming hobbies, taking the occasional bubble bath. Be kind to yourself during this time. Rest assured that it DOES get better. With time, you will acknowledge that the abuse was worse than the good times were good. Again, I speak from experience.
I suggest reaching out to your local women's shelter. They have free confidential peer-support groups for women leaving abusive relationships. Everyone there helps and supports each other. You are far from alone.
PROUD of YOU,...it's not easy I know, I've been there, got out before he would possibly physically start hurting my kids and myself. We we're homeless for a few weeks, it was worth it. Stay away, he might try to sweet talking you Saying I'm sorry Bla Bla Bla to let him come back just to continue doing what he was doing. Get therapy and a restraining order? Take care
Hi, I can sympathize with your current situation. As a woman, I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and did not even know it. As a retired soldier with a brain injury, I kind of wish I had known a lot earlier than 5 years; however, as GI Joe used to say: “...and knowing is half the battle.” As a college grad, I learned what certain psychological things were going on and once I realized...it was too late. Today, I have learned and am reminded by my real friends that no one has the ability to change the past...we can only learn from it and try not to make the same mistake twice. 🇺🇸🗽☯️
You took the first big step. It is so hard to leave what you are familiar with. Change is hard but nothing changes if nothing changes. I was in a 6 year relationship with an emotional abuser. I begged him to go to counseling with me so he could see how abusive he was. He would turn everything around to be my fault and at times I believed it was. I couldn’t even mention that I was tired after work without him going into a yelling tirade about how tired he was. I saw how his father treated his mother and realized how he became to be this way. He was too arrogant to go to counseling so I went alone, which didn’t help since I was the only one willing to change, but acquiescing to his abuse only empowered him to do it more. It validated the abuse. It’s only when I left that he said he would go to counseling but by then it was too late. You may want to try a co-dependency group. There are many others dealing with the same type of issues and people and going to support groups really does help. Stay strong.
Kudos to you hey I did the same thing 17 years with this man married 15 yeah all the emotional abuse Financial abuse yeah I had enough to so I divorced him two years ago yeah no problem I got to think about herself the last time you had a terminal illness when I left him but he's taken $9,000 a month for the medication to medibang sometime he was very abusive but not physically but all the other no room for that in my life anymore
Sure, you will hurt for a while. You are a romantic with memories of good times and dreams of a future together.
But your man has got problems only he and he alone can fix. An addict is an expert manipulator. If you were to let him back into your life you become his enabler, endorsing and accepting his unacceptable behaviour.
You might like to read up about narcissistic personality disorder too and see if the description of this disorder fits him. A person with this disorder turns things around on their partners just like you describe pretty soon after the ‘honeymoon’ phase is over.
Romanticise yourself safely out of this relationship.
Stay strong, stop longing for what might have been. Be well.
Hand in there. These kind of people almost never change.. Oh and they can be the nicest when they are trying to get something from you. But being strong yourself will save your own life. You need to be very strong. If he knows where you are, He will try and get to you one way or another. He will be so nice. It’s a way to pull you back in. But it would not last long and then it will be worse than before. I have been there. Live being on. Roller coaster. One day you will be so happier and the next you will be kicking yourself for letting him back and you will be so much more depressed than the time before. Might be good for you to somewhere to talk to people going through what you are. It would be very helpful. I still suggest Al Anon.
Thank you everyone for all this support ♥️ it means more than you all know! Today has been really rough. He’s been in contact. I’m staying strong but he’s trying to bring me down. I hate crying.
Your sadness is understandable. You are grieving. Please be easy on yourself! When we are emotionally abused, we have to recover, too. We have to start thinking differently about ourselves and then we will start behaving differently, too. "Nothing changes, if nothing changes." It sounds like you made the right move and it will feel differently without him.
How are you taking care of yourself? What do you feel you should be doing to move forward in a positive way. You might want to check out this book on emotionally abusive and destructive relationships. It give very wise, practical, and Godly advice and strategies to move forward and away from people and situations which have proven to be detrimental to our health in the past. bit.ly/2yipPCS Hope this helps! Blessings and prayers to you today.
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This platform here is great to like vent , so do so often , love . 💚 let those emotions go , so more positive ones can come and embrace you . 
I didn't think it would happen to me. But it did.
Did I Sleep?
Is it bad that I did this?
Did I do something wrong?
