So lost I can’t find any resemblance of myself and the future looks like a locked door in my face floating in infinity with nowhere to land.

[LulaLaRocca]

I’m so extremely lost. My mom starts chemo again on Monday and I just don’t know anything about anything anymore. Is there even a chance she will beat it? Cause if not then we’re torturing her. The dementia is much harder to deal with. I don’t think I can. I don’t think I’m strong enough to be at my mom’s side from now until she dies. I’m way too sensitive and I can’t process the feelings I’m having now let alone what seeing that will be like. I lost the closest person in my life 2 years ago and I completely lost my mind and I’m still not ok from the loss. It feels like I lost a limb. I thought well at least my mom is still alive. Wtf. I want to do what’s best for her but no one knows what that is! Not even her. It’s only getting more complicated and more stressful and more depressing. Decisions need to be made. I don’t know if I’m the one who should make them but if not me then who? Who??? Who can help me?!? I cannot do this anymore and I could leave but that would be really messed up. Is self preservation the highest law? Don’t ask me. I know nothing. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to decide. I don’t want to tell everyone or anyone else. I want to be the hermit I always was. I want to hibernate for winter. Except the heat doesn’t work in our house. Why??????? No heat in Pennsylvania winter?!? W.T. Actual.F.

[LulaLaRocca]

I really hate my life

[Kkimm]

Hi LulaI am so sorry to hear what you and your mum are going through. It must be really terrible.

Do feel free to message me anytime and I will reply.

Kim

[Midori]

How old is your Mum? it's tragic, the combination of dementia with cancer, Is your Mum lucid at all? if so, ask her what she wants, and take it from there.

Cheers, Midori

[drummerboy1]

lula...why are all the decisions up to you?do you have older siblings or a father?do you believe in GOD?do you pray for deliverance and a clear mind/are you on meds that either help or are making you worse?you cant hide from all this pain and decisions you face right now.you are stronger then you think........care for your mom as best you can/ask her doctors questions about what they think will happen next/stay involved with them...i swear i will pray for you as soon as i finish this reply.............DS.............................