We just told our son that we're getting divorced

[argh52]

We just rocked our poor little 8-year-old's world. We are parting on very good terms and want to stay close and have like weekly family dinners. But the poor thing. He asked to be alone to sit with it, so I'm here typing out how miserable I feel on his behalf. I just want to hold him and squeeze him and tell him how much we love him. But this is like the worst possible news in a kid's universe. It's not alright and it's not going to be alright for a long time. I like physically hurt for him right now. I guess I could use some good vibes and encouragement right now.

[Agora1]

argh, I'm sorry. I can feel the pain in both your hearts.Nothing can hurt as much.

The good thing (if there is one) is keeping the parting civil

and keeping traditions as normal as possible. I like that idea

of weekly family dinners. As he gets older hopefully he will

understand that it had nothing to do with him but a mommy/daddy issue.

Counseling can help your son avoid long time issues with separation anxiety

Love him and never talk against your ex. You both will always be Mom & Dad

Take care of yourself as well. Work out any regrets and sorrow with Therapy.

This will be a difficult next couple months with the holidays rolling around, and

everyone kind of feeling displaced.

We will be here for you . We care xx

[Midori]

Poor little man. It is (in my opinion) good that you could sit him down and talk rationally about it with him, and he seemed to act in a very mature way.

Please keep an eye on him and take him to the doctor if he shows too much distress. Children tend to bottle things up.

Cheers, Midori

[Good_for_us]

I’m so sorry. Good thoughts and prayers for all of you. Keep talking to him. Do those family dinners starting right away to show him he will have that family time coming right up-- something that will provide consistency, something he can count on. The most important thing is that he knows how much he is loved, and it’s obvious that you love him very much.

[Midori in reply to Good_for_us]

Also, work as a pair rather than try to influence him to one side or the other, I hate it when folk try to weaponise their child against the other parent, I think it's abusive.

[CoderMom]

Been there.. My kids were younger and we had two kids together, but we did have the discussion that daddy won't be here anymore and they had to do the back and forth for visitations, etc. The divorce was necessary, but never easy. I am sorry to hear you have to go through that.

[Opportunity]

I remember when my parents split up for a hot minute. I was absolutely relieved for the fighting and awkward unhappiness to be over. I will say I had a lot of questions. “What does this mean? How will this work? If you guys disagree on the rules or who I can have over for sleepovers-whose rules do I follow? Do I get two Christmasses? Do I get to pick where I stay? Do I get two sets of toys? Do I stay in the same school?” It was that kind of logistical stuff. I knew they loved me, but had they planned out the details? In my house, I didn’t really feel comfortable asking these questions. (Well, no one felt comfortable communicating, hence the separation). For some reason, I really fixated on the two Christmases. I thought I’d get double the number of gifts. 🤦🏻‍♀️

All this said, I think the fact that you’re maturely sitting down with him to have these discussions goes a LONG way— longer than you could imagine. And keeping family night and giving him alone time to process the information is amazing. Kudos to you!! Many kudos.