Wish i had someone to talk to.

[TailWags]

On an annual trip with friends. In an odd mood. Feel awkward. Feel like i am pissing people off. Worried about mom back home. She recently got more frail and weak. Also worried about money. Dont want to work. Dread the thought of having to go back to work this week. I just want to crawl under a rock. I am so disappointed as i normally have a great time on this trip. Things just arent turning out like i had hoped. I feel like an ugly person. Inside and out. Guess i am living up to my depression diagnosis of 30 something years ago. Wish i brought my feeling good book. I just feel so awkward and icky and mean.

[Ellamaye]

So sorry you didn't get a reply quickly. I hope you have made it to the destination. How is it going?

[TailWags in reply to Ellamaye]

This is my 3rd ry o reply to you. Keeps going away before i can post. Doing a little better. Still wobbly. Thnk you fr your kind reply.

[Ellamaye in reply to TailWags]

Well don't feel alone even if the room is full of people. They aren't the only ones you can talk too x I hope it turns around though you went to have fun with your friends so don't write the trip off yet x

[Downinil]

Everyone on this site is helpful.

[TailWags in reply to Downinil]

Thank you. Yes , they are. Uch kinder than the general pub lic

[TailWags]

Thanks. I hope you have a nice evening. Take care

[Starrlight]

hey I hear you my last vacation was like yours ((((((hugs)))))))

[Hest19]

You know what they say and it’s hard to swallow sometimes but true: it’s not your business what anyone else thinks about you. I have to tell myself that when I start overthinking. You are on vacation; I would say try to be in the moment, appreciate the bird one the right and the lizard on the left. They won’t be there tomorrow. And you won’t be there tomorrow. I’ve spent years practicing this and for me it helps so much to try and be in the now and be grateful for all that is right this moment. We do not know EVER what tomorrow will bring, who or what is suddenly gone from our lives. I know now that when I focus too much on myself, on how I’m feeling I am shortchanging myself. As well as my purpose for being in this life; I have purpose, I just need to open to see it each time it presents itself. I wish you the best. I have felt those feelings of discontentment and worry and know that for me it helps so much to remember what I have to be grateful for and what I can do right now that might be helpful to someone or something else. There’s so much in this world, in my family, and in myself, that I cannot fix but that is just life. Acceptance of truth in my life and my limits is in fact quite freeing…. Blessings. 🤗

[TailWags in reply to Hest19]

Thank you. I try to be aware of the positives. I know i have more to work on. Your comments give me something to.think on. Thank you.

[Thurlesy]

This is your illness. Telling you that you are not good enough, or not deserving of your friends, of leisure time etc. But you are. You are a good person, fighting a rotten condition. Hang in there. I used to feel like this a lot especially when I was younger. I especially felt it when I was with friends. I used to feel totally inadequate, fat, ugly, awkward, stupid, boring. I felt that absolutely everyone had a better job, a better life, better figure, better skin, better clothes, better hair, better everything. But as I got older (and my depression improved with the right meducations) I now don't care. I don't care if others have better jobs, better relationships, whatever! All I care now is that I can be as good as I can be. That is now my focus. We are all too hard on ourselves. Maybe you were too worried about your mother to be able to enjoy yourself and maybe it was just not the right time for you to take that trip.

[TailWags in reply to Thurlesy]

Thank you. I know life is fragile and temporary. I do try to be in the now. Sometimes that is hard. It is good to be reminded and hear other peoples views on this stuff.

[Beevee in reply to TailWags]

There is no harsher critic than your inner voice. Go easy on yourself. It's always talking rubbish and never has anything positive to say, especially if you are feeling down.If you are able, just go with that negative chatter but try not to get involved with it. I always saw it as another couple having a negative conversation and me eavesdropping from a distance. Or like having the radio on but not really listening to it. Background noise.

All that negative crap eventually disappeared.

Best wishes ❤️

[TailWags in reply to Beevee]

So the couple is your inner brain talking? Thanks

[Beevee in reply to TailWags]

Principle is to observe the chatter, acknowledge it but place no belief in the content. It's just anxious energy coming up for release and needs to be released. This is how recovery goes and any interference with that delays recovery.

[TailWags in reply to Beevee]

I will work on it

[PoseyLane]

I know the feeling. I don't have trips to go or any friends. I cut my friends off years ago, because they were so superficial and I knew I couldn't tell them about my depression because it would ne a bummer for them. I get down and irritable. If you have a friend to confide it, do you think you can tell that person, even if it's a white lie, sorry I've been like this - I am so worried about my mother? Maybe that person would comfort you? Also, I get the work thing - I can't go back, becsuse of my MDD and PTSD - unable to function. I feel stupid and ugly - my husband has become cruel and angry. My mom is fragile too - she wasn't 13 years ago when she could have helped me - but the same - she was angry at me for being sick and did not help at all and even made.things worse. I cut her off. I had to. I am very alone and isolated, irriatable and angry. My sister doesn't care. I wasn't always like this, but over the years hidint it and being rejected by my husband and unwanted, I feel thr same as you.

[TailWags in reply to PoseyLane]

I am sorry you are so isoltated. You must be pretty strong to go it alone. So many different people and situations but we all have the same difficulties

[PoseyLane in reply to TailWags]

Thank you. It is not by choice or that I pushed people away. I really am not strong. I've told my therapist I know it's a matter of time. I can't do it anymore. I was plucked from my hometown, had to move to a different state to live with my mom and step-dad as a full grown adult and my mom did not helo me. Now I am in a place that is not home and alone. It is really scary. It has been 52 years of trauma and hell. Wish I can be more positive, but this is not positive.

[TailWags in reply to PoseyLane]

I am so sorry you feel so.isolated and trapped. Hopefully you get some comfort on this site. At times i am so negative amd sick of everything and feel so miserable. Other times arent so bad. Things always change. I often find myself thinking, it wouldnt be so bad if i were married, or if i had kids, or more money, or weighed less, or whatever. But one thing i have learned on this site is there are people with those things and those things are no guarantee of happiness. The only thing many of us have in common is depression and anxiety. And we are all human living on the same messed up planet. Also, we seem to be more compassionate and caring than the general public and we can better understand our condition. I am thankful for this site. Even people with hundreds of friends and a loving family, this may be the only place they can find people that can come close to understanding.

I think every person that visits this site gives strength and understanding to the others on it.

Wishing you strength and calm

[PoseyLane in reply to TailWags]

I appreciate that. Thank you. 🙂