Sad and alone

[BrownEyesBlue]

I’ve been feeling really down lately. This whole incident with my sister and her children is just making me anxious. I still cannot believe that an incident to do with my Dads home care (it’s her father and their grandfather too) resulted in them taking it so personal. Yes it was my nephews girlfriend who was the worker. She had a full week off. It’s week on week off anyway. She requested for 4 more days off which she received meaning she’d have to work 3 and off for another week. On her first day back she contacted the other worker with a “proposal”. Number 1 she was told to go through the company we work with for Dads home care for time off. Number 2, just because she’s dating family doesn’t mean she gets special treatment.

I did get angry and tell her about it. But it was about the work. Nothing personal. She turned my family against me and I’ll always see it that way. I’m hurt and I’m angry and I’m not sure how to deal with it.

I’m anxious all day when I get a message or a call afraid it’s one of them. They’re very confrontational and that’s just not me. I’m scared I’m gonna run into them. It all makes me sick to my stomach. They twisted everything to make themselves the victims.

My sister hasn’t asked about Dad. They post on social media about family should be there for each other (blood or not) and that they’d fight for their family but I feel it’s ridiculous because I’m actually family so they’re just picking and choosing who they want as family and who to respect and care about.

I’m in a lot of turmoil over this and feel like I’m being punished. I didn’t do anything wrong. Nothing.

[Hidden]

Take a deep breathe, you wrote you did nothing wrong. If you truly believe this than it’s not worth the stress. You can only control so much of what other people (your family) does. Feeling angry and hurt is understandable I can see. Especially with a confrontational family. But you can control how you are in this situation you have that power. I will pray for your dads health and your peace. You don’t deserve to feel this way or put down by people you love this isn’t right. 😔

[Agora1]

BrownEyesBl you definitely did not do anything wrong. Your first priority is to your father right now. I will say that I did not know this girl was your nephew's

girlfriend. Not that they are right but hiring family/friends can sometimes cause

bad feelings. I've seen it done within my own family.

It's a bad learning experience but as I said your concern is for your father

and you did the right thing. Home care must be a commitment to the patient

and not just work when there's nothing better to do.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing the flashback from all this stress.

Use some "me time" for yourself each day. 5-10 minutes in regenerating by

finding a quiet spot, sit in a comfortable chair with a blanket across your shoulders,

a cup of hot tea and just breathe. Breathe in peace and calm and exhale the stress

you are carrying right now.

As difficult as it is to deal with actions towards you, know that you cannot change them

but can change how you react to the whole situation. We're here to support you

through this. xx

[Lazy_dog_lover]

You are right, BrownEyesBlue. You did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, just like me, you may have gone about it in a way she found confrontational. Mixing family and caregiving is never easy. My friend with MS found that out and lost a good friend.

So what do you want to do? Call a family meeting? Remind yourself that you are only in control of you and how you respond. Life happens. Are you willing to forgive her and get dad all set up again? Forgiveness is not saying she is right or wrong nor you are right or wrong, but it is acknowledging it happened, choosing to not let an action in the past suck your time and energy from the present.

You can make a pro/con list of different types of conversations. Was there miscommunication? Was dad in any danger from her actions? How will you keep your emotions in check when this is an emotional topic?

Make sure to include specific examples of her doing things right. Thank her for those. But you need to set the boundary for the care of your father. Best wishes.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

I’ve chosen to no longer have any contact with her. She may be my nephews girlfriend and he can do what makes him happy, and if it’s her, so be it.

She quit. She caused the issue. We have a new worker and things are going swimmingly.

I’m not a petty or vengeful person. This woman is trouble; she’s had the cops called on her and in the 4 months she’s lived here she (or her children) has been the centre of said drama. Longtime friends of my nephew no longer want anything to do with him.

I set boundaries with this part of my family. I’ve been a doormat for too long. And for too long I’ve put myself in awkward and uncomfortable situations because I didn’t want any hard feelings.

It’s time to stand up for myself. And furthermore, my father. She’s trying to say she quit because of the other worker; because she wasn’t being treated fairly. She was treated quite fair, trust me.

I could go on about the red flags with this woman but I won’t because I’m moving on and trying to concentrate on myself and my Dad.

Thank you for your reply. I hope you have the best day!

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

Bravo!